Aftermath
by Lemon Out
Summary: Rachel has to deal with her brothers crime, Janet has to deal with Ade's rejection.. they work it out together, in unexpected ways.
1. Chapter 1

Rachel wearily fumbled with the door, almost falling through once she managed to get it opened, and, after dropping her keys on the little table in the hallway, shuffled into her living room and sat down heavily on the sofa. Her head painfully throbbed and she didn't have to look in the mirror to know that right now her eyes would be red and puffy. She'd just got back from making one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Dom, her stupid Dom was now god knows where, running. He couldn't run forever, they were both aware of that, but she couldn't hand him over to the police. Not when she was inadvertently to blame for.. for.. she shuddered and laid back into the sofa.

_Ohhhh shit. What the hell have I done? _she thought to herself tiredly. If anyone found out that she had let a murderer - _Oh, my God. My Dom is now a murderer.. he is a_ - she shook her head as if to try and dispell the nausea, and tried to think rationally. If she was found out, she could say bye to her job. She had just narrowly avoided being fired over the PNC trouble, and now this. Trouble seemed to follow her around. And she was sick of it. _I just want some peace_, she pleaded to heavens above. It seemed heaven wasn't in a particularly giving mood today. There was someone at the door.

Rachel cursed under her breath as she walked to the front door, which she leaned against for a couple of seconds in a futile attempt of trying to get herself together before facing whoever the bloody hell was on the other side of that door. She really wasn't in the mood for this. She opened the door..

'Hi Rachel, may I come in?' Julie said, studying Rachel carefully, no doubt keeping note of the puffy eyes, blotchy skin, mascara streaked down the cheeks and hair sticking up every which way. Rachel self consciously tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ears, while sending threatening thoughts to whoever had sent Julie her way, especially at this time.

'Uh.. I- sorry, yeah course, come in' she said, as she stepped back so Julie could walk through. 'The living room is just around the corner on your right.' She almost asked Julie if she'd like a drink, but stopped herself just in time. She did not want this woman here any longer than was necessary. Rachel sighed to herself as she realized just how much of a mess the flat was at the minute. To be fair, keeping things tidy and clean hadn't been at the top of her priorities for the last couple of days. Realizing Julie was already in the frontroom and probably wondering what was taking Rachel so long, she hurried in to where Julie was sat, hands on lap, taking in her surroundings. 'Sorry about the mess.. um.. I haven't done much tidying recently as you can see', she smiled weakly.

'Not to worry, Rachel. It's completely understandable. Look, I won't beat about the bush, you look wrecked, which isn't any small surprise and I'm sure you just want some time to yourself, so I'll just get to the point.' Julie looked sympathetically at Rachel, before continuing 'I know that you're probably expecting bad news everytime you see my face nowadays, but I actually have some good news for you!'

'Oh.. really?' Rachel mumbled, knowing that no amount of good news could lift her spirits at the moment, unless she woke up in the next few minutes and realized she'd been embroiled in a nightmare. Julie wasn't to know that though, and she looked genuinely pleased, so Rachel tried to look optimistic so as to not raise any suspicion. 'I'm in dire need of some good news..'

'Well, basically, you're 100% eliminated from our enquiries! A taxi driver has come forward, informed us that he picked you up two nights ago at midnight from the tower and dropped you home at approximately 12.15am, where you proceeded to fall out of the cab, hence the scrape on your forehead. Obviously your sister and other witnesses have verified your wherabouts until then, so I am SO pleased to inform you that you are no longer a suspect. Isn't that fab news?' Julie was smiling, obviously expecting Rachel to beam back at her.

'Oh.. wow. That's.. brilliant.' she replied, her voice shaking slightly. 'Sorry, I'm just in shock I think, over everything that's happened, you know?'

'Yeah of course, Rachel. That's completely normal in these circumstances. Listen, obviously you're the first person I' ve told, but I'm going to ring DCI Murray to let her know as well, she has supported you all along, and I'm sure she'll be pleased. She said she didn't want to lose such a good detective like you.' Julie rambled on, barely pausing for breath, 'So I'm going to make a move. I can see it'll take a while for it to sink in, and I hope you understand that none of this was personal, we just had to follow all lines of enquiry, and I'm more pleased than I can tell you that I'm able to dismiss this particular line. Oh, and before I forget, here's you're mobile.. almost forgot it in my rush to get here.'

'No, no of course. I understand. It's fine.' Rachel interrupted, trying to say all the right things so Julie would leave and she could try and figure out what the hell to do. 'But you're right, I think it's all taken it's toll on me, I think I just need an early night and time alone to think.'

After a couple more minutes of conversation, Julie left, and Rachel, without even the energy to get back into the frontroom, she slid down to the floor in the hallway and cried some more.

xxx

As she opened her eyes, Rachel looked out of her bedroom window, trying to discern what time it was. Hmmm, it wasn't fully dark, so either early morning or early evening. She rolled over and reached for her mobile phone which was on the bedroom drawers next to her bed. It was 5.30pm. Which meant that only a couple of hours had passed since she'd literally crawled from the hallway into her bed. It only took a minute or so for everything to come back to her as she lay there, and the dread laid heavily on her heart once more. Everything had changed in a measly two days.. how had that happened? She couldn't get her head around it. She only knew two things. One, what she'd done, giving Dom the chance to run, was the only choice she could have morally made. However unethical it was, however unprofessional, she knew she wouldn't have been able to live with herself if she'd put her baby brother in prison. Secondly, if it got out that she had the chance to arrest a murderer, and she had let him go, and actually TOLD him to go on the run, there was no doubt she would be sacked. Also, she couldn't let the police run around trying to find a murderer when she knew who it was. Rachel knew how stretched the force was, how many other cases would be pushed to one side to try and catch this person. There was only one thing she could do, even though it scared the crap out of her. She picked up her mobile again, scrolled through the numbers until she found the one she needed, and hit the call button.

'DCI Gill Murray' said the voice on the other end of the phone.

'Er, hi boss. It's.. ahem.. it's Rachel. Rachel Bailey.'

'Rachel! I just heard the news. I'm so glad that they've come to their bloody senses and cleared you. Julie called me. How are you feeling?'

'I'm.. well, uh, I have to tell you something.'

'Right.' Professionalism suddenly entered Gill's voice, replacing the warmth that had been there just a second before. 'What is it? What's the matter?'

Rachel took a deep breath, hoping the nausea would ease a bit. 'I know. I mean, er- shit.' She wasn't handling this well. 'I mean, I know who did it. I know who killed Savage.'

'Whaat? What do you mean?' Gill replied. When she got no answer, she said more forcefully 'Rachel, you need to tell me what you are talking about. Right now.'

'I..' Rachel's hands were shaking so hard, she wondered how she hadn't dropped the phone. 'It was.. oh God. Okay, erm.. it was Dom. My brother. Remember, I told you a bit about him on our trip away? He..' she trailed off, desperately hoping she wouldn't vomit. She was a nervous wreck.

'Dom? Your brother? I'm sorry, I must be misunderstanding. DC Bailey, are you telling me that your brother is the person who murdered Nick Savage?' When even Gill sounded shocked, you knew it wasn't good.

'Ye-yes. Alison - my sister - was the one who called when I was in your office earlier, boss. When I went to meet her she told me that Dom had confessed, had explained what he'd done, and had then told Ali that he was doing a runner and catching a train somewhere. She rang me as soon as he'd gone.' Rachel paused for breath.

'Shiiiiit. What happened then? Why didn't you phone it in straightaway?'

'I- I wasn't thinking straight ma'am. I pegged it to the train station to see if I could catch him. Even if I had left it and phoned it in, we wouldn't know where he was headed, I thought if I could get to him before he boarded a train, I could calm him down and bring him in.' By now Rachel was just making this up on the spot. You didn't work on MIT for 2 years and not learn how to bullshit when needed. In actual fact, she hadn't been thinking at all when she chased after Dom, she just needed to see him. She hadn't planned ahead to what would happen if she'd caught up with him.

'Okay. That makes sense. So what happened? Did you catch up with him?' Gill seemed to believe her, thank God.

'No ma'am. I didn't. I tried. I chased him through the station but then he lost me. I'm so sorry.' She started crying. With everything she had gone through, keeping up this pretense felt like the last straw. But she knew it was the only choice she had. 'I know I should have told Julie when she came, but I wasn't thinking straight, I wasn't functioning.'

'Okay, Rachel. Calm down. I'll inform Julie. You did your best, it's obviously a huge shock to you. Listen, I'll sort everything out this end, and get Julie's team on this information. You get some rest. Don't feel like you have to come in tomorrow, but if you want to, that's fine. And if you need to talk, I'm here. I know I can be scary' she smiled to herself briefly 'but I will help in any way I can. You've done the right thing Rachel. Really you have.' And with that, the conversation was over.

Rachel roughly wiped the tears from her face as she ran to the bathroom, and her head became acquainted with the toilet bowl.

xxx

Rachel was back in bed, drifting in and out of scary dreams with her face pressed hard against her tear stained pillow, when the door went. She jolted upright, looking around wildly, still half asleep when the door went again. 'Shit! Why can't people just leave.. me.. alone!' she muttered to herself. _Just ignore it, Rach. You don't need this. Just lie down and pretend you're not here. _she thought to herself as she followed her own advice and slid back down into bed. Whoever was at the door though was particularly insistent. After five minutes of willing the world away, Rachel wrenched herself out of bed and shouted 'I'm bloody coming. Hold ON!' in the doors general direction, while she had a swig of water and slowly approached the door. _Whoever it is, send them away. Tell them you're ill. It's okay. _She tried to convince herself, already preparing excuses as to why they couldn't come in. She slowly opened the door, and to her surprise saw Janet on the other side, tears streaming down her face, a bag by her feet...

'Oh.. my God! Janet! Are you okay? What's happened?' Rachel asked urgently.

'Can I come in? I- I..' she looked so lost, so alone that Rachel, despite her own crap, felt herself ushering her best friend in, embracing her and holding her tight.

'Of course you can.. come on, go into the living room, and I'll make us a brew.' Rachel watched as Janet picked up her bag and walked into the frontroom, looking as rough as she felt. Her head was racing as she made the drinks, keeping an ear out to her if Janet said anything, but Janet remained silent except from a couple of sniffles coming from her vicinity. Rachel put the drinks on a tray, grabbed some hobnobs from the cupboard and walked into the frontroom. 'Now.. what's going on, Jan?' she asked gently.

'It's Ade. He's.. oh God. He's kicked me out. Andy, the bastard, rang up the house while Ade was there and told him about that night at the Christmas do.' The last words were choked out as another sob engulfed Janet, while Rachel just looked on in shock. 'I'm so sorry to turn up here, Rach. Honestly. I have nowhere to go. My mother will just go on at me, and I have noone else. Please.. can I stay?'

'Oh, Jan. Of course you can. Of course you can. I'm here as long as you need me.'

xxx

SIX WEEKS LATER.

Rachel and Janet had gotten into a quite good routine. Obviously, it helped that they'd lived together briefly before. They each knew each others temperament in the mornings, they knew their peeves and first and foremost they knew when the other one needed a hug, a kind word, some advice. They also knew when they needed space. It might be a bit cramped at Rachel's place, but they managed, and they grew even closer as time went by. Janet saw the girls every other day at least, and Taisie and Elise loved coming over to Rachel's pad and hanging out with their mother and Rach. Ade wasn't backing down, which Janet struggled with, but she was doing her best and getting stronger every day. Her and Rachel spent many a night having a glass of wine and chatting about anything and everything. Janet wouldn't admit this to anyone, but sometimes she saw Rachel in a different way. She didn't know how it started.. one day she was watching Rach at work, as she was tracking something or another on the computer, and she noticed a strand of hair trailing down Rachel's cheek, she noticed the soft, inviting skin, the full lips, the chocolate brown eyes, the forehead furrowed in concentration.. Janet had given herself a mental shakedown. She was just feeling lonely, and her best friend had been so kind and supportive despite all of her own stuff she had going on, and Janet was just feeling lonely.. wasn't she?

As for Rachel, well.. she was doing the best she could. She had returned to work a couple of days after it had all kicked off, and burying herself in work during the day, and into her friendship in the evenings. She loved having Janet stay with her. Although she was still seeing Sean, it was just uncomfortable being around him at the moment. He was such a buffoon. Such a joker. And right now, Rachel didn't need that. What she usually found endearing, now bothered her more than words could say, so she was trying to keep a bit of distance between them. She still hadn't told anyone about what she'd done about Dom, although she'd been close to telling Janet a couple of times. She felt she could tell her anything, but something kept holding her back. It was hard, as she was usually so open with Janet, especially recently - it was as if them both being vulnerable at the same time had given them an even foundation to work from. It was so nice having Janet around. It got even better after the first week, during which Rachel had tried to keep tidy and orderly in the flat until Janet told her it was scaring her how 'weird' Rachel was being. So now it was back to normal, for Rachel's standards at least. In the mornings she would walk through the flat with her trousers and bra on, searching for her top that was in the ironing basket, grabbing some toast on her way through, not bothering to put it on a plate. And after a month or so, her untidy ways seemed to rub off on Janet a bit. She wasn't always so consciencious around the flat or with herself at the moment, though of course as soon as they both went to work it was precision and carefulness which counted, which they maintained.

xxx

'Right Rach, I'm heading off, I can't be late for the girls again, I'm taking them out to the Chinese restaurant for tea. I've cleared it with Gill, so I'll meet you back at the flat later.'

It had been a particularly draining day, with a particularly difficult murder case that was seeming impossible to solve, and Gill was not a happy bunny.

'Bloody hell, Godzilla was feeling a bit generous wasn't she?! No worries Jan. I'm gonna stay here anyway and try and get Jonson to speak. He has to crack eventually. I'll catch ya later.'

Janet left, while Rachel went out for a cigarette, racking her brains for something to get her suspect to start talking. As she walked back into the office, she could hear Gill giving intrructions from the doorway to her office.

'Mitch, I don't understand how many times I have to say that we need all the CCTV of Friday night, that includes the bloody Tesco's CCTV. I don't CARE if you've been busy getting everything else, go and retrieve what we need. Now. Kevin, I know this is probably past your grasp of reality, and you'd much prefer colouring in pictures with crayons, but would you PLEASE focus on leaning on forensics to find out what exactly the ligatures were caused by?' As she spotted Rachel, she twisted her head 'Rachel, in here please.'

Rachel rolled her eyes at the others and walked into the office. Before Gill had even closed the door she had started talking; 'Boss, I know we are running out of time before we have to release Jonson, but there is only so much we can do. He is refusing to talk. We just have to find the key, and I know it is coming to me, I know there is something we are missing here, but I WILL find it, we will crack this bastard.'

'Well, you're not working hard enough. I don't know if it's all the trouble in your private life that is playing on your mind, and that would be fine, but if it's in the case, you shouldn't be here. I won't have staff of mine not working to their potential. It's not good enough. And so help me God, if I have to force leave on you, I bloody will. I'm not putting up with this Bailey, regardless of the circumstances.'

Rachel kept her tears at bay, the injustice of it all threatening to open the carefully placed armour that she had kept around herself for weeks. 'I'm sorry you feel that way, boss. I can assure you I am best kept on this case, and I will do whatever it takes to nail Jonson for this.'

'Well, I should hope so. We need the best team we could possibly have. Prove to me you can do this.' Gill's face suddenly became warmer, more sympathetic. 'I know you're going through hell, really I do. I just.. I have all the top bosses breathing down my neck and I need able people around me. Now.. that's not the reason I called you in. I'm sorry I shouted, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. The thing I wanted to tell you is there has been a possible sighting of Dominic in Plymouth. Obviously the police are chasing it up, but I just wanted you to be aware.' She gave Rachel a quick squeeze on the arm, and dismissed her from the office.

Rachel walked out in a daze. Without even checking with Gill, she picked up her coat and bag, and walked out to her car, not really seeing clearly. She got in and had another cigarette before driving endlessly around the area. After a couple of hours of aimless driving she went home, noticed Janet's car parked already and headed inside. Janet was in a good mood and had a bottle of wine open.

'You alright, Rach? I'll pour you a wine.' Janet smiled at her. 'The kids were great! Taisie is getting on much better at school thankfully, and Elise had me in stitches telling me about her day. It was so nice to just have some time to really talk. It's weird that I seem to be spending more time with them now, proper meaningful time, than I did when we lived together. You should have heard what...' Janet was full of tales of the kids, and while Rachel would usually listen and laugh and be interested, tonight she just wasn't listening. She couldn't take it in.

'Sorry Jan. Just.. helluva couple hours. Gill.. was her usual bitchy self, had a go at me, threatened to put me on involuntary leave, before telling me Dom has been spotted in bloody Plymouth.' Rachel flopped down on the sofa and tried to relax. 'And Godzilla will be joyful tomorrow, I left early without clearing it with her, so.. I'll be in the shit again. I just can't deal with it.'

'Oh God, Rach. I'm so sorry. It must be so hard hearing about Dominic. What are the police doing?'

'Just chasing it up. All they can do really isn't it. They'll catch up with him eventually. I just..' She stopped herself just in time. She had been about to tell Janet again about what had really happened. But then she thought to herself.. _would it really be so bad if Janet knew? It's eating me alive, and Janet is my best friend. She knows everything else. _

'You just what?' Ha, Janet wasn't stupid, she could pick up on the smallest thing. No surprise there. 'Look, you've been keeping something back, and you have every right to, but if it's getting too much, you can talk to me. You know that.' She looked at her friend eagerly, wanting her to feel a bit better, but not knowing how to help. She also couldn't help noticing how attractive Rach was. Even in her angst, she just looked... lovely. Janet shook herself off, and tried focusing again on Rachel's obvious needs.

'Okay... okay. Jan.. you're right. I.. there's.. no. I mean, yes. There is something I haven't said. But I can't not tell you any longer, it's eating at me...' Rachel trailed off, trying to gather her thoughts. The nausea coming back again was distracting, but she knew she had to tell Janet, if she couldn't tell her best friend who could she tell? 'Okay.. do me a favour mate, and just keep quiet until I get it all out, because I'm finding it really difficult. Please bear with me.' Rachel looked over at her friend who was nodding intently, leaning forward, a hand on Rachel's knee. She took a deep breath. 'Okay. Right.. well. Shit! Um.. yeah, okay. So.. you know.. you know the day I found out what Dom did, when Dom did a runner?' Janet nodded slowly, encouraging her to continue. 'Okay. Well, er- okay. So, I lied. I lied about Dom.' She could see Janet's eyes widen, her hand moving away from Rachel's knee, her mouth about to open to say something. 'Please Janet. You said you wouldn't interrupt. Please.' Janet nodded stiffly. 'I.. okay. So you know Ali rang me, and when I met her she told me about Dom. You know that bit. And you know I went to the train station and ran after Dom to try and catch him. Right?' Janet nodded again, her eyes questioning. 'Well.. I caught up with him. Oh God.' The nausea was getting worse by the second. Her hands were shaking again and Janet was staring, her lips slightly parted, eyes wide. Rachel pushed forward. 'I caught him, yes. And.. When I caught him, honestly I was going to arrest him. I was. I grabbed him, I started reading his rights. But.. I couldn't. Please understand me. I couldn't do it. So...' She was definitely going to be sick in a minute. It wasn't a matter of if.. it was now a matter of when. 'So.. I er- I told him to run. I hit him a couple of times, and I told him to run. I told him they'd catch up with him eventually, but I let him go. And.. I'm going to be out on my arse if the bosses ever find out. I'm so scared Jan.' Rachel finally fell fully silent, waiting for her best friends response. She didn't have to wait long.

'Are you joking? Is this some stupid joke? Rachel! For God sake, why do you tell me this stuff? Why? First the PNC, then when you spilt your guts to Savage, and now this! Really? I know you probably couldn't nick Dom emotionally, but don't drag me down with all this! It's not fair! You know what position you are putting me in with this. But you do it time and time again. I'm sick of it!' Janet looked furious, and Rachel didn't know how to placate her. She hadn't expected Janet to react like this, clearly she didn't know Janet as well as she thought she did.

'Janet, please! You told me to tell you! I've kept it to myself for weeks, and it's making me ill. I thought you would understand, I thought you would care!'

'I DO understand, I DO care, but you keep dragging me into your messes, and one day I'm going to lose my job because of YOU! I can't do this Rachel. I can't be your mum. I can't make everything better.' Janet stood up at this point, facing her friend. Rachel, feeling anxious, stood up too, tears starting to streak down her cheeks, as much as she tried to resist it.

'Well, I'm sorry! I'm sorry if I thought you would be there for me, like I would be there for you if you were ever in this situation. Clearly I misjudged the situation. It's now obvious you don't care at all.'

This was too much for Janet. She wasn't thinking straight, filled with fire in her stomach. To be told she didn't CARE about Rachel was just too much. Ridiculous. But still, she couldn't explain why she suddenly marched towards Rachel, backing her against the wall and kissing her with as much force as she could muster. For a moment it was blissful, she was giving into desires that for the most part she had even managed to hide for herself. But then she realized what she was doing. She realized that she had her hand twisted in Rachel's hair, the other hand wound around her neck, pulling her in tight. Janet knew she had to step away, and she started to.. but then she felt Rachel kissing back, with as much intensity as Janet had. She felt Rachel's hands framed around her face, holding her tight, their lips moving together in a frenzy. She could feel Rachel gasping for little breaths, her tears now leaving tracks down Janet's cheeks as they became closer than they could ever have imagined... suddenly, without warning, they heard the front door open, and they jumped guiltily apart. There was only one other person who had a key to Rachel's flat.. Sean.


	2. Chapter 2

**I just want to thank the people who have responded to my story so far. This is my first ever attempt at writing fanfic, so I really appreciate it, and it's motivated me to write the ****next chapter. I hope it's okay. I know it might seem as if I'm dragging it out, but I'm trying to be as true as I can to these two lovely ladies and do them justice, so please bear with me! **** xx**

Chapter 2:

As Sean struggled with the lock on the front door, Janet and Rachel looked nervously at one another. Janet looked as though she was about to say something, but was stopped short when Rachel shook her head wildly. Janet went into the bathroom to wipe her cheeks of mascara streaked tears that were not her own but were nonetheless dried on her cheeks while Rachel, subtlety not her strong point, dived onto the sofa, landing in a rather uncomfortable and unnatural position.

'Hi ladies.' Sean called as he mastered the door and walked towards the living room with a takeaway bag swinging from his hand. 'Anyone fancy an Indian?' Upon seeing Rach – who'd now assumed a more normal pose on the sofa, he smiled. 'Alright, babe? Where's Janet? Are you okay; you look a little worse for wear if you don't mind me saying.' He said cheekily, not noting the tension. For once, his lack of noticing.. well.. anything really, didn't annoy Rachel. In fact she was relieved.

'Full of compliments as always, I see.' Rachel muttered sarcastically. 'Janet's in the bathroom, I think. And she's already eaten.' Rachel was concentrating on keeping her face neutral, though if it were anyone else but Sean she was sure they would have noticed her nervously fiddling with the hem of her top and avoiding eye contact. Sean wasn't known for picking up things.. and he wondered why he hadn't made it to detective?

Janet overheard this conversation while exiting the bathroom and could pick up on the tone of Rachel's voice. 'Hiya Sean.' She said as she entered the living room. 'Ah.. you've brought food? I already ate when I took the girls out to tea, but thanks for the thought.' Janet had always had a better poker face than Rachel, her skills were wasted with Sean.

'Oh right..' Sean looked down at the bag, 'well, more for me then.' He winked. 'So, you girls alright? What have you been up to?'

'Er- nothing! Nothing, Sean. Just talking about.. you know, work. And Janet's kids. The usual. Just the usual.' Rachel babbled, really not helping herself, while Janet accidentally almost scalded her mouth by taking a huge gulp of pretty hot tea.

'Oh shit!' Janet suddenly slapped her head for effect. 'I've just remembered, I told Elise I would lend her one of works profiling books, as she's doing some research for a project in school. Oh, bloody hell. I left it in the car! I'll have to drop it off now. I'm so sorry Sean, I'm sure we'll catch up soon though.' Janet looked at the pair of them, eyes wide, acting skills honed, before grabbing her bag and keys off the kitchen table and heading towards the door. 'Night Sean, see ya later Rach.' And she was gone.

xxx

Janet sat in her car outside Rachel's flat. Her hands were holding the steering wheel, and her head slumped on top of them. Shit. What the hell had just happened? One minute she was happily telling Rachel about the girls, then she was having an argument with her, and THEN she'd gone and bloody kissed her! _Well, you've just royally buggered up that friendship. Well done, Ja__n, _she thought to herself moodily. But no matter how much she regretted upsetting Rachel, and by her friends expression earlier she certainly had done, she couldn't allow herself to regret the kiss. My God.. it was exquisite, and she felt her stomach tightening as she remembered the feel of Rachel's lips on hers, her hair tangled around Janet's fingers, her hands framing Janet's face. No, no matter how she wanted to, she couldn't regret that. Even the memory made Janet tingle, quite unlike she had ever tingled before. Feeling rather stupid and suspicious, loitering outside in a stationary car, Janet put on her seatbelt with rather shaky hands, and started the ignition. She didn't quite know where she was going, as long as it wasn't here.

As she drove aimlessly, she thought. She felt guilty, as though she were cheating on Ade, even though it had been weeks since Ade had kicked her out, and he surely seemed to have no change of mind pending. And what? What if he did? What if he rang up right this minute and asked her back? Would she make the same decision that- if she'd been asked an hour ago- she would have with complete certainty said she would've made in a heartbeat? Her phone rang, making Janet swerve slightly in panic as she drove.

'Er, Janet. Scott. Ahem. Janet Scott speaking.' She mentally kicked herself for sounding like an idiot.

'Hi ma, it's me.. Taisie!'

Janet allowed her heart to slow down. 'Alright love? Is everything okay?'

'Yeah. I just wanted to call you before I went to bed and say night. It was really nice tonight, so thank you.'

'Aw. Thanks kid. It was lovely for me too.' She smiled despite herself, and then checked the clock in her car. 'Tais, it is WAY past your bedtime, get to bed now and no messing about til all hours on that bloody phone!'

'Ugh. Okay mum, whatever. Anyway, night. Love you.'

'Love you too, kid. Give my love to Elise please. Speak to you soon.' As she hung up, she found herself thinking about what she'd said to Rachel earlier. It really was strange how she was spending much more quality time with the girls now, than she ever had when they lived together. Wasn't that one of her main reasons for wanting to go back to Ade? For the girls? But.. they seemed fine. Happy even, now that they'd settled down after all of the upset. _Why i__s everything so bloody complicated? _She thought to herself wearily.

Despite the guilt for Ade, which rationally she knew was ridiculous, she also felt guilt for Rachel. The poor girl had bared her darkest secret tonight, and Janet had returned the favour by firstly having a go at her, again, and then by snogging her face off. Great. What a moron. Not only that, but what sort of position had she put Rach in now, by doing this? As if she hadn't gone through enough, she now had her best friend making a pass at her. Was it even a pass? Well… yes. Janet couldn't well deny that. But was it intentional? Would those feelings still be there without the heat of the moment. She wasn't brave enough to admit the answer to herself, so instead fantasized about how amazing it would be if she walked back into Rachel's and Rach threw herself at her. Huh, a girl could dream.

Janet drove around for a while longer before turning back, ready to face the music and have a chat with her best friend.

Xxx

'What's got into you lately? Tonight especially' Sean said to Rachel, after another evening of one word answers being flung his way by her. 'You don't seem yourself.'

Bloody hell, Sean actually picked up on it. The one time in his life he notices something, and Rachel would prefer he stayed as observationally vacant as ever. She never thought she'd moan about him being too assessing of a situation.. almost felt like she'd just found out pigs could fly after all. But tonight was Sean's unlucky night, Rachel was gearing up for a bit of a rant. 'Hmmm. What's got into me lately? I don't know Sean, let's think about that shall we? Last year my married-with-kids ex-boyfriend tried to get me killed. Then my criminal brother came to live with me. And, oh how funny, my BROTHER ended up KILLING my ex-boyfriend, which I almost got charged with. Now my brother is on the run, I'm feeling like shit, and to be honest, I don't quite feel like answering your inane questions with enthusiasm if that's okay with you. I mean, Jesus! You're like a child. An Indian won't make everything better Sean, grow up and realize that, will you?' Sean looked hurt, which only made Rachel more angry. 'Take that fucking puppy dog expression off your face. I know you're trying your best, but you know what? It isn't good enough. Not right now. Not for me.' _Janet would be enough. More than enough. More than I deserve. Just for me. _she couldn't help thinking to herself, before shaking that thought away.

'I'm sorry Rach. I know I get wrapped up in my own stuff and I forget that you're going through shit lately. Let me make it up to you. What do you want?' Sean genuinely did look apologetic, which made Rachel feel like a huge bitch.

'What I really want, and really need, is some space Sean. I'm tired, emotionally and physically. Work is proving to be a nightmare at the moment, and I just need time to myself. Not you coming in whenever you please, regardless of how I feel. I have a lot going on, I can't even cope being inside my head at the moment, let alone dealing with you too.' She said tiredly, the fight gone.

'Okay. I'm sorry. I'll try and keep that in mind. I'll… I'll go. I'll text you tomorrow.' Sean replied, as he got up, cleared away the takeaway containers and gave her a kiss on the forehead before leaving the flat.

Rachel didn't know what to do, how to feel. She knew she felt bad for taking everything out on Sean tonight, but not bad enough to call him back in. It wasn't fair of her, but everything she'd said to him was true, even if it could have been worded a bit better to cushion the blow. Without the energy to even do the few dishes in the bowl, and not wanting to face Janet when she got home, Rachel went to bed. As she lay there, she thought about the evening. What exactly had happened? Janet had kissed her.. and not only that, she had returned the kiss! What was all that about?! In fact, the more she thought about it, the more Rachel realized how much she enjoyed the kiss.

No matter how much Rachel would have been content replaying the kiss in her mind for a good few hours, she knew she had to focus on what had happened before the kiss too. She had told Janet what the truth was behind Dom being on the run, and Janet had flipped out. Shit.. she must really hate Rachel now. It was true, she did depend on Janet far more than she should. She respected her so much, and their friendship was one based on honesty. She thought that Janet would understand, or at least try to. Not snap at her and make her cry. On the other hand, she did understand what Janet meant. Janet had even put her job on the line to save Rachel's, for God's sake. Janet could get Rachel sacked in a minute, not that she ever would. But it wasn't fair on Jan to have to keep all these secrets. No wonder she was so angry. Rachel could feel her face flush and hands get clammy as she thought of how mad Janet had got with her. She couldn't lose Janet. Not now. Hell, especially not now.

She tried to think of all the outcomes of this situation, like she would do with a case at work. She could lose her friendship with Janet. _That is NOT an option. No way _she thought to herself sternly. But how did she make sure that didn't happen? What if Janet was out now, wherever she was, and she was hating herself and Rachel for what had happened? What if she refused to be friends with Rachel because of this? Maybe she'd only kissed her because she was lonely and missing her family? Maybe her anger about Rachel's actions with Dom was the straw that broke the camels back? Rachel didn't know how to play this one. So she decided to keep her distance from Janet for a few days, to give them both time to think. It'd be hard, seeming as they live and work together, but she would do anything to keep her friendship, even if friends was all they could be, and even if she couldn't stand the thought of not being around Janet for a few days, she would do it. She had no choice, she knew from experience that people came, fucked her over and then left. She didn't want Janet to leave her, to reiterate to Rachel how worthless she was.. like she already felt. So she would not be impulsive for once in her life, she would grow the hell up and give Janet the space she deserved.

With that, and some sort of plan half formed in her head, Rachel turned over, pushed the button on her alarm and shut off the lamp, waiting for sleep to take her.

Xxx

Janet got back to the flat just after 1am, trying to time her reappearance so it wouldn't clash with Sean being there. After all her thinking, she knew that if Rachel felt the same way, she wanted to try and see if this could turn into something more than friendship. She hoped beyond hope that Rachel would agree, though she knew not to get excited about the prospect. She just needed to talk to Rachel, apologize, and see where the conversation led to after. If Rachel said she didn't want anything, she'd just have to deal with that, and they would get over it together to remain friends. The thought of not having Rachel in her life at all was a thought that Janet could not cope with. She was still confused about her feelings, but for now, she knew having this conversation with Rachel was the best thing to do. She climbed the stairs and let herself in, steeling herself for anything Rachel had to say. Janet knew she had to be prepared for anger, tears, hatred.. even though it would hurt her beyond belief, she had brought it on herself. She walked into the living room, but Rachel wasn't there. In fact, Rachel wasn't anywhere. She assumed she'd gone to bed, which although was annoying, Janet had to try and understand. She went to her bedroom, changed into her night clothes and tossed and turned for what felt like an age, before she fell into a fitful sleep.

Xxx

Rachel awoke with a start when her alarm sounded at 5am. She turned it off as quickly as possible so as to not wake Janet, and got up, cursing to heavens above for being up at such a ridiculous time after having little sleep. She'd purposefully set her alarm far earlier than normal so she could sneak about, get ready and leave the flat before Janet rose, in an attempt to keep the distance that Rachel had decided would be the right thing to do the night before. She really wanted a hot shower to wake herself up, but decided against it in case the water woke Janet. She'd just have to make do with a wash in the ladies bathroom when she got to work. _What has my life become? Sneaking around in my own flat because I'm scared of my best friend. Ridiculous. _She thought to herself, but she still couldn't stop it. After fumbling about to find her clothes, and fumbling some more to actually get in her clothes – she'd spent a good 3 minutes trying to get both legs into when trouser hole – she grabbed a banana off the counter, wrote a short note to Janet, and left.

Xxx

It was the front door closing that roused Janet. She automatically looked at her phone for the time in a panic in case she'd forgotten to set her alarm, and saw that it wasn't even 6am. Confused, she got out of bed and before going into the bathroom to brush her teeth, walked around the flat looking for Rachel. On the kitchen counter she found a note: 'Hi Janet, had some thoughts on the Jonson case, so have gone into work early to get a head start. Speak later. Rachel'. Even for Rachel's unsubtle ways, this was pretty blunt. Janet felt shunned. And what did Janet do when she felt insecure and hurt? She put that wall up around her to keep everyone at bay. She became hostile and gave off vibes warning people to stay away. She didn't want to be hurt again… but she already had been. By someone she had thought of as her best friend. She stormed into the bathroom, brushed her teeth, hopped in the shower and got dressed – almost having a heart attack half way through when her alarm rang because she'd forgotten to cancel it earlier – before putting on her make-up and making some toast and tea for breakfast. As she sat there, she wondered with dread what the day would bring. It seemed that her professional life wasn't the only aspect of her life that was causing dead ends. She checked her watch knowing that she had a quick meeting with Gill before the morning briefing took place, saw that she had a few minutes to spare, and grabbed a couple aspirin. It wasn't even 6.45am and she already had a headache. Today wasn't going to be a good day.

Xxx

Rachel parked her car outside the office, had another cigarette, inhaling for all she was worth, and got her ID card at the ready. She entered the front desk area, muttered hello at a couple of uniforms and entered the code into the security pad that allowed access to her office. All of this was second nature to her now, and some days she had to mentally shake herself as she remembered with glee that she was actually an MIT officer. Today wasn't one of those days though. She tiredly made her way to the ladies toilets and had a wash, keeping an ear cocked in case she heard footsteps outside and had to dash for a cubicle. Thankfully, no one came, and before long she was ready, leaving for her office after taking a long, hard, not overly pleasant, look at herself in the mirror.

When she entered the office, she threw her coat on a hook, flicked on the kettle and sat at her desk for a couple of minutes to devour her banana, refusing to think about the day ahead. As she sat there, she saw Gill in her office, sat at her desk, hard at work as per usual. As if sensing Rachel's eyes boring into her, Gill looked up sharply and came out of her office.

'What are you doing here, Rachel? I told everyone to be back here at 7am to carry on, and you're early. Although.. I shouldn't be surprised, seeming as you didn't stay long enough to hear that instruction. We are on a very important case, in case you hadn't noticed, and I don't expect my officers to swan in and out when it suits them. Is that understood?' Gill stood in the doorway, arms folded, looking at Rachel with disdain.

_Bitch. _Rachel thought to herself before answering 'Sorry, boss. After that news about Dom yesterday, I wasn't really thinking, I should have cleared it with you first. Sorry.' She actually managed to sound contrite, although in her head was a list of profanities that wanted to escape her lips, all aimed for Godzilla ears.

'Fine. Make sure it doesn't happen again. Have you thought any more about the case? It's getting ridiculous. I'm this close..' she held her index finger and thumb together for emphasis, 'to being forced to do another bloody press conference. You know I hate those things. We all know the media just exaggerates everything to make it all worse. Bastards.'

'Well, I need to write up these transcripts for the interviews I held with Jonson yesterday. I have to say ma'am, I know that we're all convinced he's done it, but if he has, he's a bloody good liar. He's not saying much at all, but what he is saying is consistent and I can't see the usual signs of lying. Then again, he might just be a clever little prick, so we need to keep on at him obviously. Did Mitch manage to trace that alibi of his? Oh.. and did we get the results back on the forensics?'

'No and no,' Gill replied, clearly frustrated. 'Right. Get on to typing up those transcripts ready for our briefing at 7.15, I'll get onto forensics.. again. Ugh. Results should be coming in any time now.' Gill turned to head back into the safety of her office.

'Yes boss. Oh and.. erm.. can I be assigned disclosures today please?' Rachel slipped that in hoping to avoid questioning for asking for the one job almost every officer in syndicate 9 resented.

'What? You actually want to be stuck in the disclosures office all day? What's going on?' Gill looked surprised and suspicious at the same time. Rachel sighed.

'Er- I'm just not feeling well boss. Would make sense to have the officers with their head in the game on the actual case. And you know I'll make sure the disclosures are filed properly'

Gill's phone rang. 'Um.. yeah fine, whatever Rachel. I'll talk to you in a bit.' She said distractedly before she practically ran for the phone. Rachel relaxed slightly. Even if she bloody hated disclosures with a passion, it would mean she'd be apart from Janet all day which was a bit of a relief.

Before long the office started filling up, conversation eating up the silence as the team prepared for the day ahead. Rachel had almost finished the last bit of typing needed, so kept her head down and continued with the job at hand. She sensed, rather than saw, Janet arrive, and made sure to keep her eyes glued to the screen. She needn't have worried. Janet slammed her glasses down on the desk opposite Rachel and then went into Gill's office. Rachel panicked. Had last night pushed Janet too far? Was she going to tell Gill everything? Oh God, Rachel would be fired quicker than that. Would Janet do that? She didn't know anything anymore. She kept a close eye on Gill's face through the window.. she didn't seem angry. If anything, she seemed pleased. That probably worried Rachel more, everyone knew Gill wasn't her biggest fan, maybe she was thrilled to be able to sack her? Or maybe Rachel was just being paranoid and stupid. She mentally scolded herself and finished her work, glad to hit 'save' when it was finally completed. Janet exited the office soon after and sat down opposite Rachel. Neither of them said a word to each other.

'Right team, let's have our morning briefing.' Gill said as she walked into the main room. A few minutes later they were all sat around the large table, Gill sat directly in front of the whiteboard with the case details scribbled over it. 'Everyone settled?' she asked, glancing around the table. 'Oh, Kevin! Put that bloody donut away will you? You can have it later, this isn't a lunch date. We have work to do.' Kevin looked up guiltily, and tried to sneakily stuff the rest of it in his mouth without anyone noticing. The rest of the team just looked at him, pityingly, before returning their attention back to Gill.

'Okay. I know we've heard most of this before, but let's start at the beginning shall we? I know Kevin, at least, needs daily reminders of what the hell we're doing, and maybe we'll remember something we've been missing. Right.. so. Victim is Jacqueline Hall, known to friends as Jackie. She's 24, a student at college, and was found early Saturday morning by a dog walker, murdered in a field. She has many injuries, ranging from what we are guessing are cigarette burns to welts caused by most probably a belt. We're still looking into that. As we know, the cause of death was asphyxiation, and just to let you know we had the forensics back and that WAS definitely caused by a belt. The injuries sustained by the victim were inflicted before death, and we think the death occurred between 3 and 4am Saturday morning. From what we can gather she was moved from wherever she was killed and the killer disposed of her at the field probably about 5.30am, where she was found, as previously mentioned at 7am.' The team nodded, a couple of them making new notes in their pads. 'There is no evidence of sexual activity happening, so that can be ruled out. We did find footprints however at the scene, Mitch, can you remind us about that?'

'Yes, ma'am. We've labelled the footprint as a size 9 male trainer, Adidas to be specific. I'll hand over to Janet to explain the connection between our suspect and the trainer involved.' Everyone looked expectantly at Janet, excluding Rachel who was determinedly looking at and scribbling on her notepad.

'Okay. As is already known, we were informed that Jackie had just ended a relationship with David Jonson, which would provide a motive for animosity between them. Jonson also has history for GBH and other assaults. Myself and DC Bailey went to Jonson's residence to ask some questions, when we spotted a pair of Adidas trainers by the back door, which looked spotless…. Except… for one small clump of mud on the sole of the shoe. We brought him in, along with said trainers, and it seems that the trainers were at the scene of the crime, even though Jonson categorically refuses all knowledge of this. Back to you, ma'am.' Janet returned to her pad, awaiting further information and instructions from Gill, trying very hard not to let the hurt show on her face. The usual morning briefing would involve Janet and Rachel sat together after one of them had fetched the drinks, chatting, sharing photocopies and photos and coming up with ideas together. _I really have ruined everything. _Janet thought to herself sadly, before being brought back to the here and now by Gill resuming talk.

'Thanks Mitch and Janet. So, as we know, we have Jonson here, but we will have to either release or charge him in..' she checked her watch, '6 hours. At this rate we will have to release him, which I really do not want to do. We have had no leads since the trainer, and we're still waiting on verification for the DNA found on the body. Obviously, we suspect it is Jonson's, so we'll be able to charge him, until then I want the team to keep on interrogating him. Janet and Mitch, you'll be interviewing him, Rachel will be doing disclosures,' Janet shot a look at Rachel, as she knew it wasn't her turn on the rota, while Rachel kept her eyes focused on her pad, 'and Kevin.. oh I don't know.. go back through the CCTV. The rest of you look at the rota and work it out between yourselves.' As the meeting was winding up, a text came through on Janet's phone. She looked at Gill before announcing 'The DNA isn't Jonson's. Besides that, there are TWO sets of DNA found.' Even Rachel looked up at that revelation, and the whole team looked gutted.

'Shit!' Gill muttered angrily. 'Right.. change of plan. I'm going to have to do this bloody press conference, Janet you'll be assisting me with that. Rachel you're off disclosures, we need all the good officers we can have on the floor. Kevin, you'll be todays disclosures officer, and I warn you now, if I hear from ANYONE that you have been spending your time making paper airplanes again..' Kevin looked down guiltily, 'there will be trouble. I will be checking your work at the end of the day.'

As everyone made to get up, frustrated by this complex case, Gill called order once more. 'Oh, and before I forget, I'd like you all to know that DC Scott is to be DC no longer! She is now your DS. As we all know, she is fantastic at her job, so I know you'll all support her as needed. That's all. Get to work.' Gill swept out of the room, leaving the others trailing behind her. Mitch congratulated Janet, and even Kevin muttered a sulky teenager 'Well done. Whatever.' before exiting the room. Soon the only people left were Janet and Rachel.

Rachel finally looked at Janet, scared of what she would see in her eyes. Would Janet be angry, disinterested, disgusted? She didn't expect the one emotion that laid there the clearest of all. Hurt. They looked at each other, staring into each other's eyes. Trying to have an unspoken conversation, wanting to say sorry to each other, but each of them too afraid, too scared of being hurt again. They had both been hurt in the past and they both had inadvertently hurt each other in the past couple of days. Rachel was scared that if they did have a conversation, it would result in Janet telling her she wanted nothing to do with her. And Janet was scared that Rachel would be disgusted and repulsed by her now.

There were only a couple of feet between them, but it felt like a hundred miles.

'


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again, a huge thanks to everyone who has responded to this, it means a lot. Please keep reading, reviewing and following.. I'm open to criticism and will try to take everything on**** board. Take care xx**

Chapter 3

As they were standing in the briefing room, surrounded by the silence and their beating hearts, they were aware of nothing but each other. Nothing else existed, and that was fine with them. Rachel, usually the one person nobody could shut up, was rendered speechless, unable to think properly, let alone form sentences. Janet was too nervous to talk. Given the way Rachel had treated her since the kiss – even the thought of it sent shivers down her spine – she was pretty sure that if she opened her mouth, their friendship, let alone anything else, would be finished. And so, they stared at one another. Lost in the presence of each other. After a moment, Rachel suddenly regained control of her vocal cords and brain activity simultaneously and opened her mouth to speak.

'Janet!' Gill shouted from her office, and when she got going her voice could send birds flying. It was testament to how dazed they both were, that neither Janet nor Rachel jumped a foot in the air in response.

It was a few seconds before Janet could break herself away from Rachel's gaze to respond. 'On my way, ma'am.' She looked apologetically at Rachel, before hurrying out of the room.

Rachel watched her leave, noticing her body in a way she never had before. Noticing the slender legs under her skirt, her trim waist, her shirt hiding the beauty that lay beneath it. 'I'm sorry..' Rachel whispered, but no one heard her. She slowly made her way through to the main office and spotted Janet in deep conversation with Gill in her office. Well, deep conversation on Janet's part anyway. From what the team could make out, Gill was throwing a tantrum about having to do this press conference, and Janet was trying to talk her down. It was a good job Janet had got the DS job to be honest; the team needed someone like her to calm down Gill when she was on the warpath, and really Janet was the only one brave enough to tackle her when she was like that.

Kevin was swirling around on his office chair, talking shit as per usual and where Rachel usually took his crap with a pinch of salt – or tried to at least – today she found she couldn't. 'Kevin, will you PLEASE do the work assigned to you for once? How are we expected to solve a murder case when we're looking after a bloody toddler all day?' Kevin looked confused. 'I mean YOU, dipshit. You have five minutes to get all the paperwork together and head upstairs to your little office for the day, or I'm telling Godzilla.. and by the looks of her, she won't stand for it today.'

Kevin shot a look at Rachel while muttering something that sounded ridiculously childish like 'Don't get your knickers in a twist..' and sulkily collected everything he needed. Pete had just made a brew for everyone else and so they sat at their desks and tried to brainstorm off each other in regards to the murder case.

'How the hell is it not Jonson's DNA on the body? I don't understand it. His trainer was there, so he must have been too. We're missing something here, what are we not seeing?' Mitch groaned into his coffee mug, looking frustrated. Rachel was glad of this line of conversation, she was happy to throw herself into work, something she felt confident in. It was so much easier sorting out other people's problems than having to face her own and she gladly participated.

'Not only that, don't forget that there are two sets of DNA on the body. TWO! Which means we're looking at at least 2 people being involved, which we hadn't considered before, and that's not including Jonson, if he was at the scene.' She looked around, and saw that everyone looked pretty despondent. If they hadn't been able to find concrete evidence to link one person to the crime, how much hope did they have of finding two?

'It's not looking good, is it? And now we only have about 5 hours before we are going to be forced to release Jonson. What's betting that he's going to keep quiet until then?' Lee piped up.

'Well, we'll soon find out,' Rachel said, draining the last of her tea. 'Mitch. I'm going to go down and have a quick cig and then we can try and crack him again. His trainer was there for God sake, we need a bloody explanation.' With that, the team disbanded to follow their assigned roles and Mitch followed Rachel downstairs.

Xxx

'How was it? Was it okay?' Gill asked Janet on their way back to the station from the press conference, while staring at the road ahead, being extra careful due to the recent wet weather.

'You were fine, try not to worry about these things so much. I'll tell you something, my mother will be so pleased seeing me on TV for this thing. Even without a speaking part, she was spitting feathers when she saw..' she faltered, 'er, when she saw DS Roper doing that one a couple months ago.'

'Well at least someone will be happy, eh, cock?' Gill muttered. Her phone started ringing, causing both of them to start violently. 'Bloody hell, what's gotten into us, panicking like idiots? Answer that, will ya?'

'Hello, DC.. er- DS Scott speaking.' Janet answered, flushing slightly at her own stammering.

'Oh..' Rachel floundered for a minute before implementing as much professionalism in her tone as she could muster. 'DC Bailey here. We have an hour before we have to release Jonson, we've got no new information, just wondered if boss wanted us to file for an extension while we have time?'

Janet relayed the question to Gill, her blush firmly in place although now for completely different reasons. 'Shit. Okay.. put her on speakerphone.' Janet did as was requested. 'Rachel, can you hear me?' Before Rachel had time to reply, Gill pressed on. 'Don't worry about applying for an extension, it'd be a waste of time, they won't give it to us on the minimal information we have. You'll just have to release him. Before you do though, I want you to make it very clear to him that we'll be watching him closely. If we have to release the prick, I want him to know we're breathing down his bloody neck.'

'Okay ma'am, will do. See you in a bit.' Rachel hung up.

'This conference best unearth some leads, we are up shit creek without a paddle so far.' Gill moaned. 'I'm getting too old for this, I'm winding myself up too much. Distract me, Jan.'

'What? Distract you with what?' Janet looked confused. She was as stressed about this case as everyone else, and on top of that she couldn't get last night out of her head. It was overload.

'I don't bloody know. Tell me what the hell is up with you and Rachel? You two are usually the best of mates, and I couldn't half feel some tension this morning between ya both.'

Janet paled, and looked out of the window in an attempt to hide the pain she was sure was written across her face. 'Oh, it's nothing. Rachel is upset about her brother, and we were both tired last night, so we had a little argument. Nothing to worry about.' She should have been an actress with these skills, she thought to herself drily.

'I see. Well, do you want to move over to Andy's old desk? That way you won't be in each other's faces all the time.' Gill knew what it was like to be at loggerheads with a colleague that you lived with. Take her twat of an ex-husband as example.

'No!' Janet blurted, without thinking, saying it so forcefully that Gill glanced in her direction. She laughed weakly. 'I mean, no it's okay thanks. All the lads are on those desks, and you know what they're like with their mess. Rachel may be a gobshite, but at least she's tidy.' There, she'd gotten away with that hadn't she? Hell, she'd even attempted a half assed joke at the end there. There was no way on earth Janet would be able to explain how she needed to stay where she was sat. If Rachel, God forbid, wanted nothing to do with Janet from now on, if they were sat at the same desk she'd still be able to see her face every day. No one was going to take that away from her, not when she risked losing everything of her relationship with Rachel at the minute. She was still pissed off with Gill for interrupting her when Rachel was about to speak. She'd tried to guess what the words were going to be at least 30 times so far, and it was only midday. Was it going to be a 'fuck off, Janet. Get out of my flat'? or perhaps a 'What the hell is wrong with you? I'm reporting you.'? She hoped not. She wanted to believe otherwise, but Janet being Janet always thought of the worst case scenarios. Life had taught her to be that way. Her bloody job had taught her to be that way. Enough of this line of thought, it was driving her crazy already. 'So, how's Sammy?'.

Xxx

Gill and Janet arrived back at the station to find Rachel outside trying to find shelter under a tree while having a cigarette.

'You should really give up that nasty habit, Bailey' Gill joked as they spotted her.

'Yeah, yeah boss. Listen, you might wanna get your arse upstairs. Mitch nipped out to buy some cookies, and Kevin happened to come downstairs at exactly the right time. You'll miss out if you don't get up there now. Oh, and tell him that if mine isn't on my desk where I left it when I get back upstairs, I'll batter him.' Rachel said, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

'He's a little shit! Slap owes me BIG TIME for this buffoon.' Gill muttered as she rolled her eyes. 'You coming, cock?' She said to Janet.

'I'll be up in a minute. Try and save a cookie for me would ya? I'm starving.' She called to Gill's retreating back.

Then it was just Janet and Rachel. Both stood there, getting soaked, but not really caring. They stared at each other, in danger of becoming tongue-tied once more, before Janet collected herself and tried to make chit chat. 'So, no leads with Jonson then?'

'Er- no. We just let him go. I said to Gill earlier, either he's the best liar I've come across and somehow his trainers went walkies without him knowing, or he's not involved at all. It's just trying to figure out which, isn't it?' Rachel was determined to not fall apart and look like a schoolgirl with a crush this time. As long as the conversation stayed in professional areas, she should be fine. 'Did the conference go okay?'

'Yeah, not bad, not bad..' Janet replied, trying and failing to not stare at Rachel's lips. She felt Rachel's eyes boring into her and jerked her gaze up. 'You know Gill, she was panicking the whole drive back. But it was fine. I'm just praying we get some bloody leads.'

'Yea-' Rachel started to say, before Janet interrupted.

'This morning..' Rachel blushed but Janet continued regardless, 'what were you going to say? Before Gill screeched for me, I mean?'

'Um..' Rachel stalled for time, knowing that Janet was going to insist of having a proper conversation, and here, in the pissing rain, at work, was not exactly the time to do it. If she was going to be humiliated, she'd rather it be where her other colleagues couldn't gawk, thank you very much. 'I was just going to say congratulations. You know, about the promotion?' She looked at her nails, trying to hide her expression.

'Oh.' Janet sounded deflated, though it definitely hadn't been the worst case scenario. 'Right. Well, thanks. I was going to tell you last night, but.. well, you know..' she looked embarrassed.

'Uh.. yeah, yeah. No. I mean, yeah, that's great news for you. You deserve it anyway. Well done.' She stared at the floor, before stretching out her arm, and gingerly giving Janet a squeeze. They both paused at the contact, holding their breaths, 'You did good.' Rachel threw her cigarette butt away and started walking towards the main doors. 'Come on, we've got a murder to solve.' She called behind her.

Xxx

In the office that evening, the atmosphere was a depressed one. Mitch had spent the afternoon trying to chase down Ethan Matthews, Jonson's alibi, to no avail. Kevin had come down throughout the day with different excuses, only to be sent promptly back upstairs. Janet had been in Gill's office most of the day, filling out far more paperwork than she'd realized she would be when she accepted the DS position. Pete had been out again to the victim's family to try and get more information, Lee had been speaking to people associated with Jonson and Rachel had been trying to trace the two samples of DNA. No one had gotten very far, and morale was low. Janet and Rachel had spoken occasionally throughout the day, though it was similar to the way Rachel or Janet would speak to anyone in the office, it wasn't with the same ease as usual.

At 8pm, Rachel went off to the ladies once again, the ridiculous amount of tea she had consumed so far now taking its toll. As she exited the cubicle, she saw Janet stood at the sinks, looking at her through the mirror. Rachel's heart began to pound, and she went to a sink, washed her hands and avoided eye contact by re-tying her hair in the mirror. Janet just watched her, unsure of what to do, hating the tension she'd felt all day, but knowing she had caused it. It was then, staring at Rachel, she made her decision. She would give anything to have her best friend, and if that meant forgetting the best snog she'd ever had, forgetting the butterflies that fluttered wildly in her tummy now when Rachel came into her vision, forgetting all the fantasies she'd had in the past 24 hours that included her and Rach being together, then so be it. Judging by Rachel's behaviour, clearly she didn't want anything more than what she already had with Janet, so Janet would back off. _And so it's over before it even began, _Janet thought wryly to herself, and though she was determined to keep from Rachel the pain that caused her, she couldn't hide from herself.

'Rach.. listen' Janet began, while Rachel stared nervously looking as if she was about to interrupt. 'Whoa, you had a chance to speak without interruption last night, please just let me say what I need to say.' Rachel's eyes were wide and she looked like a child. Janet felt an ache deep within, knowing that no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't wrap Rachel in her arms, hold her tight and kiss her until her worries melted away. 'Things have been… awkward between us today, I know. And I hate that. Honestly, I can't bear it. And I know it's my fault that it's been that way. So I wanted to say sorry. I don't even know what I was thinking last night. My emotions were all over the place, and the wine hadn't helped.' She laughed self-consciously, prepared to say whatever needed to be said, whether it be lie or truth, to get back the closeness she had with Rachel just 24 hours before. 'It would mean the world to me if we could just forget what happened last night, and just get back to normal. Please?' She almost choked on that last word, that's how forced and fake her pleas were. But she was giving Rachel the greatest gift she could, wasn't she? Wasn't the saying if you love them, let them go? If that was the saying, why didn't it also mention just how much it bloody well hurt? She maintained her poker face though; she wouldn't compromise Rachel any more than she already had.

Rachel looked stunned. So.. that was the confirmation. Janet regretted last night. She had made a huge mistake, and she didn't want any confusion. Rachel felt hurt. The only reason she'd kept her distance was in case she drove Janet away. And after the shock of last night had worn off, she'd begun seeing Janet in a new light. She'd begun thinking of what it would be like to feel those lips again. She felt so stupid. Of course. Of course Janet wouldn't want her. She just said herself that she was half pissed, emotional and was sorry. People only say sorry for something they regret. And Rachel had just become someone that Janet apparently really regretted. However, she tried to remind herself, her biggest fear had been Janet not wanting anything to do with her. If she accepted this, and moved on, she would keep her best friend. If she kicked up and said she wanted more, from what she could tell, she would lose her. There was only one thing she could do. And she had to be convincing. If Janet detected even a hint of falsity, she would be disgusted and then their friendship would really be over. Oh God, her head hurt. She wanted to curl up and hide from the world for a few weeks. _Well no, _she thought to herself, _I want Janet._ She pushed that thought out of her as soon as it entered. She wouldn't be able to do what she was about to do if she thought that way. She would save her wallowing for later.

'Oh God, yeah! I'm so glad we got that sorted, Jan. Today has been horrible without my best mate. And er- well, you know. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for.. you know.. my part in last night. Yeah, let's forget about the whole thing. Let's get back to normal.' Rachel had given it her all. If Janet didn't believe her, there was nothing more she could give. It hurt enough just getting those few sentences out.

They shared a hug, both trying to fight their own feelings, unaware that they were not only denying themselves of what they wanted, but they were also denying each other. After a couple more minutes, they headed back to the office, both feeling like complete crap.

Xxx

At 9pm Gill came out of her office and surveyed her team. They all looked exhausted and she could sense the mood wasn't good. They all looked at her with tired eyes. 'Right everyone, firstly I want to thank you all. I know you've been working hard and you've all been doing really well. Also, I want you all to go home now and get a good nights kip so we can restart again at 7am tomorrow.'

The team looked slightly cheered by this, for the past few days they hadn't been getting home before 11pm, so this made a pleasant change. 'Thanks ma'am,' they all muttered as they got their belongings together and swiftly left the building.

As Rachel and Janet were getting ready to leave, they realized that they were the only two who would have been more than happy to stay until 11pm, the longer they were here, the longer they didn't have to face each other at home. Although they were each glad that they hadn't lost their mate, it was a bittersweet time for them, and even if this.. whatever it was.. did blow over, it would take a while to fall back in to the ease their friendship had once had.

Rachel spoke first, keeping her eyes averted as she picked her coat off the hook. 'I told Ali I would pop over there tonight if I finished early. You know, update her on Dom and all that. I shouldn't be too long, but don't wait for me to eat or anything, just make yourself something.' She lied blatantly. There was not a chance in hell she would go and see her sister, not when she felt like this. She just needed a couple of hours to herself.

'Right.. okay then.' Janet managed a small smile. 'I'll make enough for both of us and stick yours in the fridge so you can have it when you get in.' she wasn't completely convinced that she could be trusted for an extended amount of time with nothing to do but think. It was looking likely she would have some sort of minor breakdown, but she'd been through worse. If their strained friendship continued in this manner over the next few days, Janet decided that she would look for another place to live. She hoped it would sort itself out, but who knew?

They parted then; Janet going back to the flat and Rachel sat in her car having a cigarette, wondering what to do for the next couple of hours.

Xxx

Less than an hour later, Rachel had already go through two large glasses of wine, and was up at the bar ordering another one. Having not eaten, apart from the cherished cookie at lunch, the alcohol was hitting her more than usual which she actually quite liked. She didn't want to feel how she felt right now, she wanted to dim reality a bit. 'I'll have….. another red wine, and… you know what? Fuck it, I'll have a shot of sambucca too.' She told the barman as she became acquainted with the bar stool. She'd spent the best part of the last hour sat alone in a booth, drinking her red wine and thinking over the past day's events, and she was driving herself more than a little crazy. 'Here you go,' The bartender handed her her wine and sambucca, and Rachel had downed the shot by the time money had passed hands.

'Ah, that's better,' she said to herself before starting on the red wine.

'Bad day?' the barman asked, amused at how quickly her drinks were disappearing.

'Eh, you could say that…,' Rachel looked confused, 'what's your name?'

He pointed to his name badge, not able to hide the smile now. 'Er- it's Tom.' Everyone thought that being a barman involved chatting to all the customers, having arguments when closing time came. It wasn't like that at all, not where he worked anyway. It was actually really quiet and pretty lonely, so he quite enjoyed having someone, albeit someone pissed, to talk to.

'Tom! Cool. But yeah.. a very bad day. People.. ugh. People are annoying. Aren't they?' she looked up from her drink and saw Tom nod in response. 'I mean.. listen to this! My best friend lives with me. And we work together, but anyway. Last night.. she made a pass at me! At me! And I didn't really know what to think, so I panicked. And then I decided I liked it.. the kiss I mean. So we've been at work all day and then my friend told me that actually it was all a mistake and it should be forgotten! Can you believe that?' her face had started to redden due to the drink and the emotion she was feeling trying to put how she felt into words. She might not know Tom from Adam, but at least he was someone she could talk to. She downed the rest of her drink, and signalled for another one.

'Well.. yeah. I can believe that actually,' Tom replied as he poured another wine for his new friend. After 10 years of being a barman, he knew that becoming an Agony Aunt at a moment's notice was just part of the job description. He handed the red wine over to Rachel and sorted out the money in the till as Rachel pressed on with her story, determined to finish now she had started.

'No.. you don't understand. I hadn't even thought of this person in any way but friendship before last night. And since it happened I've been thinking about her in ways I haven't thought of any woman really before. I mean, I've had my odd fantasies in the past, hasn't everyone?, but I've never really wanted anything romantic with another woman. Until now. And now she's just.. ruined everything. She is my best friend, but she opened a door last night, and I could see in it and see how right us being together would be, and she just slammed that door in my face.' She was starting to slur now. Wow, she really should remember to eat before drinking. 'And now, well now I should be home, but instead I'm talking to a barman called..' her memory failed her, 'anyway, and I'm talking to you about everything because she doesn't care.'

'Look, this happens more than you would think. In the heat of the moment, someone kisses someone they shouldn't, they regret it, they make amends. It's just part of life. It sucks to be on the receiving end of that, but that's just the way it goes sometimes.' Tom said before leaving Rachel to think that bit of advice over while he served some customers.

When he returned to Rachel, she was draining the last of her glass. 'TIM!' she shouted merrily. 'One more shot for the road. Then I better go home. Feeling a bit woozy and got work in the morning.' She got a few quid out ready to pay for her shot, which was served up to her sharpish 'Yeah, you should get back, you'll be regretting this in the morning' he smiled and pointed at his badge again 'Oh.. and it's TOM by the way.'

'Oh… Tim.. Tom.. sounds the same to me.' She downed her shot in one. 'Thanks for the talk, Tim. You are a..' she hiccupped, 'a.. star!' Rachel stumbled out of the pub and climbed into a black cab. After telling him where to go she sat back on the seat. She didn't need to wait until tomorrow to regret her drink, she already knew she had drank too much. As she sat there being driven through the streets of Manchester, she thought again of Janet. She didn't feel sad now, so that was something. No, instead, she felt anger. Anger that Janet had pretended to like her more than she obviously did. Rachel had enough reasons to feel not quite good enough, she didn't want to feel that way anymore. She wasn't going to let anyone make her feel that way anymore. 'Who does she think she is? Swanning into MY life, into MY flat, kissing ME, making ME feel things I didn't want to feel, and THEN deciding she doesn't want that. What about ME?' she muttered angrily to herself, as the cab driver looked through the mirror at her, confused. She knew even under the fog of alcohol that she wasn't thinking rationally, but she didn't care. She couldn't just forget what had happened, she couldn't forget how Janet had made her feel. More importantly, she didn't want to forget that. It all felt like a mess, and all these thoughts were feeding her anger.

When the cab finally reached her flat, she gave the driver what she owed plus a generous tip and stumbled out of the taxi. At the buildings main front door she spent a good couple of minutes searching through her bag for the keys. Why is it that whenever she had a drink, her bag suddenly seemed endless? She finally curled her fingers around them and slumped against the door, having to close one eye to focus on the lock enough to be able to open it. With that obstacle completed, she tiptoed through the building to her flat door, trying not to disturb anyone. When she got to her door, she fiddled for a few moments, cursing under her breath because the door refused to budge. Finally, she realized she was attempting to open the door with the wrong key and tried again with the correct one. Unknown to her, Janet had been in the living room trying to occupy herself with some tripe detective series, laughing at the differences between this show and the reality of the job. As she was quite engrossed, it took her a short while to hear and comprehend the noises that were coming from the front door. Her stomach flipped as she realized Rachel was home, and after another few moments decided to help her in seeming as she was apparently having so much trouble with it.

Janet went into the hallway and could hear Rachel on the other side, mumbling to herself about something or another. As she opened the door, Rachel almost fell through before somehow steadying herself by grabbing the doorframe.

'Oh God, Rach. I thought you were going to Ali's? You're hammered.' Janet said quietly, stepping back from the door and watching Rachel wobble her way through to the living room. 'Shall I make you a cuppa?'

'No. I don't want anything, thank you very much.' Rachel slurred, the acidic tone evident. 'So.. what have you been up to?'

'Er- nothing really. Having less fun than you by the looks of it. I made some pasta, yours is ready to be reheated whenever you fancy it. Then I just watched some tv. Where have you been?' Janet enquired, eyeing Rachel nervously. She really didn't want an argument but it didn't look as if Rachel was going to be placated.

'I went pub. Met a lovely man. Jon he was called. Or was it Dan? Ugh, I don't know. He was nice. He listened to me.' Her tone was almost accusing as she leant against the wall to try and keep her balance.

'That's nice,' Janet smiled weakly, hovering at the doorway of the living room. 'It's only 11.30pm, you must have drank like a fish to get in this state in only a couple of hours.'

'What's it to do with you exactly? You said yourself last night that you couldn't keep acting like my mum, that all this..' she gestured angrily at herself, 'wasn't fair on you. So I can't see how any of this is your problem.'

Janet cared about Rachel, of course she did, she loved her, even if she wasn't sure just how deep that love went yet, but she wasn't prepared to be spoken to like shit. She wouldn't put up with it from her kids, from Ade nor her boss. She understood Rachel was drunk, but that wasn't any excuse. And as for her best friend being angry, well she didn't understand that all. All she'd try to do today was make Rachel happy, at the benefit of herself, and yet she STILL had a bee in her bonnet. Whatever the problem was, she wasn't going to be the scapegoat. 'Look Rach, I can tell you're pissed, and you're angry for some unknown reason to me, so I'm just going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning.'

Rachel literally snorted in derision. 'You don't know why I'm angry, Jan? Really?' she took a step forward.

Janet eyed her warily. She knew Rachel wouldn't hurt her if she was sober, but everyone knew Rach got a bit hot-headed when she'd had a drink. And tonight she had had far more than one drink. 'No, I don't. I'm being serious, Rachel, I'm going to bed. Have a glass of water and then I'd advise you to do the same.' She turned and slowly headed up the hallway.

If asked later, Rachel wouldn't be able to explain this particular thought process. She didn't know if what happened next was because of the alcohol leaving her with next to no inhibitions, the alcohol making her more courageous to follow through on her feelings, or if she was just angry and didn't know how to tell Janet the words she so desperately wanted to say. Regardless, as soon as she saw Janet turn away from her, she followed her into the hallway. Janet turned around with what looked like fear in her eyes, although Rachel couldn't understand why, and as soon as she had turned, Rachel caught her in her arms and pulled her tight. She heard Janet gasp as Rachel, who still was unsteady on her feet, carried on walking down the hallway until Janet felt herself pressed up against the closed door of Rachel's bedroom. As soon as they were both steady, Rachel pushed herself up against Janet, trying to satisfy the desire of being close to her. There wasn't any awkward fumbling, clashing of limbs and faces as they moved with each other, it was as if they were a perfect fit for one another. Rachel felt desire course through her veins as she snaked her arm around Janet and lightly tugged on her hair to tilt her face upwards before leaning forward and pressing her lips desperately against Janet's. It took Janet less than a minute to register what was happening, and as her heart soared she moved one hand to the small of Rachel's back using what strength she had to keep their bodies pressed together, her other hand to behind Rachel's head and parted her lips, allowing Rachel's tongue access to play. They kissed with fierce passion, as if this kiss was their chance to each explain the angst they'd felt during the past 24 hours. Their tongues twirled around each other, exploring their mouths with urgency, and their hands kept them both busy. They could feel each other's hearts beating rapidly, could hear the small gasps they were both emitting in an attempt to make this kiss last forever, not ever wanting to have to come up for air. However, they were soon in danger of passing out through lack of oxygen, and wrenched their lips apart, their lungs greedily sucking in air. Both this and the passion they felt left them panting.

It was only then, with their arms wrapped around each other, their pants the only noise around them that they opened their eyes. They hadn't even realized they'd been closed. Janet looked up into Rachel's eyes looking nervous, and Rachel.. well, truth be told, Rachel looked pissed. They stared at each other while their breathing slowly returned to normal, just relishing what had happened, feeling content in one another's embrace. Janet was the first one to break the silence, 'Wow..' she cleared her throat, 'I mean.. wow! Are you alright, Rach?' she couldn't help the nerves that were trying to drag her back to a sense of reality.

Rachel laughed huskily. 'You taste nice! Did you just brush your teeth or something?!'

'Yes, as a matter of fact' Janet smiled. 'And you, lady, taste of red wine and aniseed!' she pretended to pull a face.

Rachel pulled her closer again, 'Shall we er-' she jerked her head towards the bedroom, 'finish this in there?' She wasn't quite sure how what had just happened had actually happened, but she did NOT want it to finish.

Janet looked serious again. 'No, love. Not now, not when you are drunk as a skunk and we're both emotional. I don't want a repeat of today happening again tomorrow.' She said gently. Rachel frowned, feeling upset. 'Come on, I'm going to get you a glass of water and then put you to bed. Early start tomorrow, remember?' And as much as Janet loathed doing it, she slowly disentangled herself from Rachel's embrace and held her hand instead. She led Rachel to the kitchen and, true to her word, poured her a glass of water.

As Rachel was led to her bedroom she found her voice, 'There won't be a repeat of today. There won't. Please Jan, I need you. I don't want to feel shit again.' She slumped down in bed, while Janet fixed the duvet over her, tucking her in tight.

'Listen to me, love. If we did anything more tonight, tomorrow you might regret it. And where would that leave us? I don't want to rush into this, only to feel crushed when the morning comes. I'll sit here with you until you get to sleep, and then I'll go to my own bed. Tomorrow we can talk, I promise. Just rest now.' She was stroking Rachel's hair as she said this softly. She knew she was doing the right thing by stopping this now, but it was taking all of her rationale and willpower to say no. And if Rachel regretted the kiss again tomorrow, Janet knew she'd be kicking herself for not taking this chance.

Rachel lay there quietly then, feeling comforted by Janet's presence, feeling.. content.. for the first time in.. well, she couldn't remember. That was some indication of how rare this emotion came. 'Don't hurt me tomorrow, Jan. Please.' were her last words as she fell into a deep, drunken sleep.

Janet crept into her own room, changed into her night clothes, set her alarm for the morning and lay in bed, replaying the past hour's events in slow motion, over and over again, a stupid grin plastered over her face. The pit of her stomach twisted and flipped in anticipation as she savoured every detail. She was just falling to what she knew would have been an amazing sleep when a stray thought struck her, replacing her excitement with dread. A thought that she knew would ensure another bad night's sleep.

_How would Rachel react in the morning?_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

It was only just starting to get light when Rachel opened her eyes to the sound of her mobile phone ringing. Holy shit, she felt rough. She sat up in bed – moaning loudly as her head pulsed at the movement – and saw that there was an untouched glass of water on her cabinet next to her bed. Reaching out for it, she drank half the glass in long, desperate gulps, before answering the phone.

'Uh.. uh..' she was still half asleep, and she could already tell this hangover was NOT going to be pleasant.

'No time for groaning, Bailey. It's Gill here. I want you and Janet in the office now, I'm heading there as we speak. Apparently a good couple of leads came from the press conference in the early hours of the morning, so we need to get on it straight away. Oh, well fuck you too, knobhead!' Rachel looked at the phone in confusion, 'Sorry..' Gill continued, 'Just some twat driving in front of me. Anyway, as I was saying, get yourselves in here now. I tried to call Janet's phone, but she's not answering. I'm guessing she accidentally put it on silent.. again.'

'Uh.. what are you on about? Sorry, I hardly understood a word of any of that.' Her voice sounded thick with sleep.

'Just get your asses into the office. NOW. Okay, gotta go. See you when you get in.' and with that, Gill hung up, leaving Rachel sat in bed trying to make sense of the phone call. She really wasn't very good in the mornings, it usually took her a while to actually wake up and when she had a hangover of this magnitude it was worse. Her mouth tasted like how she imagined a sewer would taste. Her head pounded mercilessly and she was feeling more than a little nauseous.

As she sat there, eyes closed trying to keep the headache at bay, she thought back to the night before. She remembered talking the ear off of a lovely barman at the pub though she couldn't remember his name for the life of her. She vaguely remembered the taxi ride home and stumbling around like a pillock trying to get into her flat. She mentally wrote a note to herself to always eat before drinking, she wasn't 22 anymore, she couldn't get away with being careless nowadays. She sighed to herself and padded through to the bathroom to get a quick wash and brush her teeth. According to Gill, they needed to get into the office sharpish, and so a shower would have to wait until tonight unfortunately. She stood there, looking at herself in the mirror, staring at the make-up caked in the little creases around her eyes and at her hair which, it had to be said, was doing a pretty wonderful impersonation of a scarecrow's. She washed herself roughly, having to be quick but wincing at the ferocity of it given how sensitive her skin seemed to be today. As she was in the middle of brushing her teeth, Rachel stopped dead. She'd just been thinking about the Jonson case when out of nowhere it seemed, a memory came to her. A memory of her and Janet pressed up against Rachel's bedroom door in a clinch of passion. Of her tongue exploring Janet's. _Uh oh, _she thought to herself. She needed to think about this, but she didn't have time. Godzilla would have a hissy fit if she wandered into work late. That reminded her, she had to wake Janet. Trying to push the worry of seeing Janet again to one side, she rapped lightly on the door. 'Gill's just called, we're needed in the office straight away apparently. I'll put some toast on, looks like we'll have to eat on the run.' Rachel called through the door.

'Shit,' Janet said sleepily. 'Okay, Rach. Ta.' She checked her phone, noting with a sigh the missed call from Gill, before making her way out of bed, annoyed at the super early start when she'd only gotten to sleep a few hours ago. Then she remembered why it had taken her so long to get to sleep, and her heart sped up. She hoped Rachel would still want to talk to her about last night. A thought suddenly occurred to her. _What if Rachel doesn't even remember? _What the hell would happen then? She couldn't confront Rachel about it if she didn't actually remember what bloody happened; it would look like a lie construed to try and win Rachel around or something. She rubbed her eyes wearily. The fog of sleep was starting to lift and she tried sifting through the haze to remember if Rachel had sounded distant just now, when she'd woke Janet up. She didn't think so, in fact because she hadn't sounded weird, it had taken her a while to remember what had happened. She clutched to that bit of logic tightly as she left her room to get to the bathroom. She followed the same routine Rachel had; washed herself down and then brushed her teeth. She could hear Rachel muttering in the background, probably trying to find another clean top in the ironing basket. Janet didn't know if were a curse or blessing that neither of them had a chance to talk beyond the usual morning conversations they uttered to each other today. Well, they didn't have a choice really, so she just had to get on with it. She slipped back into her bedroom, got dressed, applied her make-up swiftly and headed to the kitchen to grab some promised toast.

Rachel was already in the kitchen when Janet appeared. She looked rough, Janet noticed, and yet.. still beautiful. To her at least. Rachel swallowed two aspirin and shoved the packet into her bag. No doubt she'd need more later. She looked at Janet, having so much to say, but knowing it would have to wait. 'Er- , I'm going to have to ride with you this morning.. my car is still in the car park at work,' Rachel looked sheepish.

'I thought as much,' Janet allowed a small smile to touch her lips. 'Not a problem, but please can we try and avoid crumbs all over the floor? I just cleaned the car last week. Let's take napkins to be safe.'

Rachel's heart leapt as she saw that smile. As much as she tried, she couldn't quite recall Janet's response to the kiss last night, so seeing her here this morning, almost her usual self, literally warmed Rachel's heart. Although she didn't know what Janet wanted from her, at least she felt she hadn't lost her completely. She tried to concentrate on the task at hand. 'Right,' she said, getting a couple napkins from the drawer. 'Let's go. I really don't want Godzilla on my case for being late or whatever.' They both headed out towards Janet's car in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, more of a reflective one, and neither of them felt the urge to break it.

As soon as they both got settled in the car, Rachel opened her window slightly, resting against the frame and letting the wind blow over her.

'Feeling a little under the weather there, by any chance?' Janet asked, not being able to help glancing over at Rachel every couple of minutes and wondering at her beauty. Even with a slight grey colour to her complexion, no make-up on and hair that didn't seem to want to be tamed, Rachel still looked lovely to Janet.

'A little? Bit of an understatement. I feel rough as rats. Ugh, I really need to learn my lesson one of these days. Drinking on an empty stomach is never a good idea.' She lifted her toast up to her mouth (the napkin firmly in place beneath it, ready to catch crumbs) and took a small bite. 'Oh no.. no food for me until later, I think' she said, struggling to swallow the bite she already had.

'Um.. Rach?' Janet said nervously. Rachel jerked her head slightly to signal she was listening. In fact, her heart was pounding, not that Janet was to know that. 'Speaking of last night..' Janet continued, really wishing that she didn't have to broach this subject, 'is there anything… well, anything we should… you know, talk about?' she stared straight ahead, breath held in anticipation of Rachel's response. If Rachel had been too drunk to remember what happened last night, Janet wouldn't remind her. Their relationship seemed better than it had in a few days now, and she wasn't going to rock the boat, even if it pained her which of course it would.

Rachel shifted slightly in her seat as she cleared her throat to answer. 'Yes. But later. Please. I promise we'll talk later.' She said softly, before sternly reminding herself that Janet might not replicate her own feelings. 'If you want to that is?' she tagged on, hopefully.

Janet exhaled, and for the first time since this morning's panic she felt perhaps a glimmer of hope. 'Okay,' she nodded keeping her voice low. 'Later.'

Both ladies were lost then, in their own memories, fantasies, hopes, and lapsed into a compatible silence.

Xxx

As they walked into the office less than 15 minutes later, they found Gill waiting in the middle of the room. Gill surveyed them both. Rachel.. looked like shit. No doubt about it. Probably a hangover that, if questioned, she would try and blame on some sort of bug. Gill wasn't angry though. In a weird sort of way, Rachel reminded Gill of herself at times. She drove Gill up the wall sometimes, well… most of the time… but there was no doubt that Rachel was a good officer, she just needed time to develop fully. And then Gill turned her gaze on Janet. She looked tired, which was no surprise if Rachel had been banging around the flat in the early hours while drunk, Gill mused. Janet was her oldest friend and closest confidante in Syndicate 9, and she was pleased Janet had taken on the position of DS. She'd surely earned it, and Gill knew that she would do her job as well as, and probably better than, her predecessor.

'Right, gals. The lads will be here in a minute. I rang them all up and told them I need them here pronto. Well, in Kevin's case I got through to his mother, and she assured me she'd pass the message on.' She rolled her eyes. 'But I'll briefly tell you what I know now, and we'll talk through it properly in the briefing.'

Rachel leant against the wall, clutching a bottle of water as if her life depended on it. She needed to get her shit together and fast, or Godzilla would have a go. She attempted to plaster a look of concentration on her face as Gill continued.

'Okay, I got a phone call from the officer who headed the response team to the press conference I had to do yesterday..' even the thought of that damn conference made her grimace, 'and a name has popped up 3 times from different callers. A..' she looked at the piece of paper she was holding, 'ah, a miss Nicki Sims. Apparently she was spotted with Jackie on the night of Jackie's disappearance.'

'Nicki?' Janet interrupted, 'Rachel and me asked her a few questions as part of our routine enquiry when we spoke to Jackie's family and friends. From what I recall, she didn't mention seeing Jackie on Friday night.' She looked at Rachel for confirmation.

'No. You're right. She said she hadn't seen Jackie since the beginning of the week. In fact.. she was the one who gave us Jonson's name.' All three women looked at one another, trying to telepathically get some answers. The plot just seemed to keep on twisting.

The troubled silence was soon broken by the arrival of Pete and Mitch, closely followed by Lee. They all muttered greetings as they filed into the office.

'No sign of Kevin then, now there's a surprise. Right, will one of you put on the kettle, make a brew for everyone and if Kevin still hasn't arrived by the time we're ready, we'll proceed without him.' Gill called behind her as she walked into her office to gather the necessary paperwork. She was going to call Julie later and yet again give her a piece of her mind for dumping the idiot that was Kevin in her syndicate.

5 minutes later, with their hands wrapped around mugs, the team – minus the absent Kevin – entered the briefing room. Gill relayed the same information she had passed on to Rachel and Janet while the team raptly listened. As she came to a close, Kevin burst in looking ridiculous with a milk moustache. 'Sorry ma'am,' he blustered, 'my mum wouldn't let me leave without having some cereal. Cornfl-' he stopped abruptly as Gill raised her hand in impatience.

'I don't have time for a blow-by-blow account of your morning, believe it or not Kevin. I'm not prepared to catch you up on the meeting so far, so you'll have to ask nicely for one of the team to catch you up later. And I want to see you in my office this morning too. I checked your work last night, as promised, and I'm looking forward to your explanation as to why half of the paperwork you filed is unintelligible due to being smeared in chocolate, and even the half you didn't ruin aren't filed properly. Aside from that, I happened to also look in the bin. Apart from the numerous chocolate bar wrappers, I also spotted something that closely resembled a paper airplane..' She looked pointedly at Kevin, until he had the decency to look chastised. 'Okay, everyone else. Where were we? Ah. Rachel will you tell everyone what happened when you went to visit this Nicki Sims with Janet on Saturday afternoon?' the rooms attention shifted to Rachel, who took another long swig of water, gathered up a couple of pieces of paper in front of her and stood up.

'Well, I've just retrieved the paperwork I filed after our meeting with Sims so I could get all the facts right. Janet and I arrived at 4.20pm. Sims was there with another young woman who introduced herself as Natasha Hodges. Sims seemed upset when we arrived, which she said was due to just finding out about Jackie. We asked her the usual questions, her answers seemed pretty routine until we asked her if she knew of anyone who might have wanted to hurt Jackie. Basically, she mentioned Jonson's name, told us about their break up, hinted towards Jonson's previous convictions and gave us his address. We obviously thought nothing of it, especially when we visited Jonson and discovered the trainers, but looking back on it – and it might just be me over-analysing things – she did seem more than keen to inform us of Jonson.' Janet nodded in agreement, looking thoughtful.

'What about the other girl. Natasha, did you say?' Mitch asked, writing down notes as he awaited a response.

'She hardly spoke, I don't think.' Janet answered, thinking hard. 'No. She offered to make us a drink after introducing herself, and then left the room. We didn't see her until we were leaving the property. She looked a bit jumpy, though I think Rachel and I just put that down to finding out someone you know has been murdered.'

'Fair enough, thanks ladies,' Gill piped up. 'Plan of action for today, I want to know if either of the girls have any criminal backgrounds, I want to know if we have any DNA of theirs on the database, I want to know if either of them were friends with Jonson.' She looked around the room. 'This may be the lead we are looking for, so please guys and gals, let's use the same determination that we've had for the duration of this case so far. Janet, can you tell everyone what they'll be doing please?' Heads once again swivelled to Janet.

'Yep, no problem..' Janet looked down at her hastily written rota for the day. 'Rachel, you'll be checking for any DNA matches in the database.' Rachel nodded, hoping for an end to this meeting soon, as the nausea was not letting up. 'Mitch and Pete, you'll be talking to friends and family again, asking about the two girls and their encounters with both Jackie and Jonson.' They looked at each other and smiled, they both worked well together, so they were glad they'd been assigned the same role today. 'Kevin, you'll be searching for a criminal history for both girls.' To everyone's surprise, he didn't make one of his awful jokes and Gill made a mental note to ask his mother to always ensure he ate breakfast in the morning. 'Kimberley, you're on disclosures. Lee, exhibits please. I think that covers it. We'll meet again at noon to discuss how we've gotten on so far, any more leads and so on, and take it from there.' She sat back down and looked at Gill.

'Okay, everyone. Thanks for coming in so promptly, get to work and let's try and get to the bottom of this bloody case. Oh.. and Kevin?' He looked up. 'Wash your face.' He looked confused as Gill left the room, and the rest of the team trickled out, ready to get started. Except Rachel that is. As soon as Gill had left, she darted out of the room, through the main office and down the stairs into the ladies toilets. She hurriedly locked the door to one of the cubicles behind her and sank to her knees.

A couple of minutes later, she opened the door and shuffled to the sink where she washed her face, rinsed out her mouth and had some more water. Janet walked in and looked at Rachel with slight amusement. 'You alright, mate?' she asked as she approached.

'Ugh,' was the response. 'Do I look it?! I think I'll be alright now. I'll make a coffee when I go back upstairs. Thanks for checking up on me,' Rachel smiled briefly.

'Someone's got to haven't they?' Janet said with a twinkle in her eye. Janet could detect a bit of tension between her and her best friend, which was understandable really, given what was going on between them, but it was now she really knew that regardless of what would happen between them romantically, they would recover their friendship. It would take a while, and she'd be gutted, but they'd manage it.

Gill walked in to the toilets, finding Rachel and Janet having a jokey exchange. She decided to tease Rachel a little bit. 'Um, Rachel? You aren't looking too good. Out pissing it up last night, were you?' Rachel suddenly looked shifty, and Gill could almost see the cogs working in that brain of hers.

'Er- no.. I think.. I think I ate something a bit dodgy yesterday ma'am.' Rachel said, trying and failing to act nonchalant. Gill smiled to herself. Rachel must have thought she was stupid to fall for that, just like Gill had thought her DCI was stupid enough to buy her excuses when she was a DC.

'Oh.. right. Well, be more careful next time, eh? Now, unless we're having some sort of secret girls meeting that I haven't heard of, we should get back, I think. Though.. come to think of it, a secret woman's meeting sounds like a great plan. Wine and more wine!' Rachel visibly paled. 'Let's have a drink together after work one day this week.' Gill left, grinning wickedly, leaving Janet and Rachel in the toilets. Janet looked sympathetically at Rachel's now almost green face. 'Come on, kid. Sooner we start, sooner we finish.' Rachel followed her out and they both traipsed up the stairs.

Xxx

By 12.30pm, their noon catch up meeting was over, and the team were having a brief lunch before preparing to get to work again. Unfortunately for them, no DNA match had been found on the database. However, Mitch and Pete reported that Natasha had a reputation around the area that Jackie lived, and both Hodges and Sims were thought of as both Jackie's and Jonson's friends. Kevin backed up these findings regarding Natasha, explaining that when he had searched their criminal histories, Natasha had quite a few cautions and near convictions under her belt. Mainly shoplifting, intimidation and the like, but more recently there had been allegations of assault. With this new information available to them, it was decided by Gill and Janet that Rachel and Janet would go back to Sims' place and request DNA samples from both her and Hodges. The rest of the team had already been delegated tasks for the afternoon so everything seemed to be running smoothly.

While the team relaxed, munching sandwiches that Lee had nipped to the Subway across the road to pick up, they pondered over the change of events.

'The thing I don't understand..' Mitch started, not realizing that there was a glob of mayonnaise on his upper lip, 'is that bloody trainer. We've matched it to the scene of the body. But the DNA doesn't match Jonson. So even if these two new suspects DID do it, Jonson had to be involved.'

'Maybe he was called in to dispose of the body? Let's say the girls had Jackie held somewhere. They torture her for a few hours before killing her..' Rachel looked around to see if everyone was following her before continuing, 'and once they've killed her, they panic. What are they going to do with the body? How are they going to get rid of it? It can't stay there.. wherever the hell it is. So they call in Jonson. He.. I dunno.. maybe he owes them a favour or something.. but anyway, he agrees to help them out, disposes of the body, and voila.. we find the trainers, boom we think we've got our main man.'

'Ooh. Keeping on that theme, what if Hodges and Sims planned that all along? What if they got Jonson involved knowing that it was likely he would leave something traceable to him and used that to their advantage? Frame him for the whole thing?' Pete sat back, looking rather pleased with himself.

'Well, good theories guys, but we don't even know if the DNA will match Hodges and Sims. Let's not try and run before we can walk, eh?' Janet said, savouring her BLT sub. She looked over at Rachel. At least she had more colour to her cheeks now. Rachel looked up, and caught Janet staring. She smiled before turning back to the lads, causing Janet's stomach to fill quite suddenly with butterflies. How the hell could Rachel have this effect on her? Not only that, how was it that a few weeks ago she saw Rachel as nothing but a very good and much treasured friend, and now saw her as some sort of sex goddess? Janet shook her head, bemused, and continued with her lunch.

Xxx

It had been a long and tiring afternoon and everyone was slumped at their desks trying to concentrate, but each of them felt exhausted. Janet and Rachel had succeeded in getting DNA samples from both females by telling them they were requesting samples from all friends and family for elimination purposes and Rachel was currently typing up the report of their visit. The DNA samples had been sent to forensics, so for now that aspect of the investigation wasn't theirs to control. They would hear the results by tomorrow afternoon hopefully, so they would have to wait until then to pursue that particular theory. Kevin, who obviously felt chastened after his chat with Gill though everybody knew he'd be back to his normal self soon and so were making the most of it while they could, had gone to speak to Jonson about his relationship with Sims and Hodges. He hadn't had much luck, but was typing up what little information he had gleaned in that meeting. Mitch was currently helping Kimberley up in the disclosures office, Lee was having a word with Gill, Pete had finished his reports so was providing everyone with teas and coffees and Janet was just heading off to pick up her girls.

Rachel was staring at the computer screen in front of her, distractedly drumming her fingernails against the desk, when she sensed someone walking past her from behind. She turned slightly, saw Janet, and returned to gazing blankly ahead, not being able to stop the words on her screen blur into one big squiggle. Janet leaned over to look over Rachel's shoulder, her hand resting on Rachel's desk, her hair brushing against Rachel's neck. Did she know that by just being in such close proximity to her friend was causing Rachel to get tingles up her spine? Did she notice the slightly hitched breathing that Rachel was now emanating? It didn't look like it, as Janet moved her mouth to Rachel's ear and spoke in a low voice. 'I've gotta go pick up the girls now. Is it okay if I bring them to the flat? We can try to attempt to cook something before you get home as a treat..' Rachel could hear the smile in Janet's voice and nodded mutely, not trusting herself to say anything right now. 'Okay, good. I think Gill said that she was going to let the team go home early-ish again tonight as there is no point in keeping everyone when we're waiting on forensics. So, I'll see you when you get in. And when I come back from dropping the girls to Ade's later, we can have that chat if you're still up for it.'

Rachel audibly gulped. She was up for a lot more than talking, though obviously she couldn't very well say that. 'Er- , yeah. Yeah that's fine. I'll er- .. we'll talk tonight. See you later.' She hated herself for the breathy tone in which she'd just spoke; it all too clearly gave away how Janet affected her.

Rachel inconspicuously turned to see Janet grab her coat and leave the office, and as she turned back around to face her unappealing computer screen, she had a smile on her face.

As soon as the door closed behind Janet, Kevin started moaning, alerting the rest of the team that he was back to doing what he did best.. being a twat. 'How come she gets to go home early all the time? I reckon when she goes into Gill's office, they're not really having meetings. They're just having it off. It's the only thing that explains the stupid favouritism Janet gets all the time.' He sniggered, clearly finding himself hilarious, while everyone else rolled their eyes in disdain.

'Jesus Christ! Will you please shut the fuck up? Why are you such a CHILD about everything? You moan about always having to stay late yet you never understand it's because you spend so much time during work hours acting like a complete tit, you never get your work done. And if that wasn't enough, then we all get roped in to help you and check you're doing your work! I hate to break it to you, but we're all in this job to be MIT officers, not to offer fucking tutoring to you!' Rachel fumed, pissed off that Kevin was being an idiot, and also for some stupid reason feeling jealous at even the mention of Janet and Gill being together. It was a ludicrous idea and she knew it, but she hadn't been able to stop the green eyed monster rearing its ugly head. Her mini rant did the trick though; Kevin shut up and sulkily returned to his work, while everyone else looked at each other with wide eyes and childish smiles always loving a bit of drama in the office as long as it didn't include them.

Fortunately, her annoyance seemed to give her the kick up the arse she needed as Rachel turned back to her screen once again and finally set about completing the report she had to do.

Xxx

Just after 7.30pm, Gill entered the main office and once again praised them on their hard work. 'I know I said it last night guys, but you really are all doing well. I want you to realize that, because I can feel the morale is dropping by the day. Seeming as we're all waiting for the forensics to come in, I don't see any point in us staying til all hours, and as all your work is completed you can leave now.' The whole team let out a little cheer at this and immediately started gathering their things. 'Kevin.. not you. Finish that report and then you can go. My office is not soundproof you know, I heard your little conversation with Rachel earlier.' Kevin flushed and without a word sat back down and continued typing. 'For the rest of you, I want you all back here at 8am tomorrow please. That's all everyone, have a nice evening.' By the time Gill had sat back down at the desk in her own office, everyone but Kevin was filing out the door. She sighed, looked at Kevin typing away, tapped her foot impatiently and gave Julie a call. It was time to have a bitch with Slap.

As soon as Rachel left the main doors of the station, she lit the cigarette poised ready in her hand and inhaled deeply. She was excited to get home but also nervous. When she had got herself settled comfortably in her car, she got out her phone and text Janet, 'Be there in 15 mins xx' before flicking her cigarette butt out of the window and starting the journey home.

Xxx

Twenty minutes later, Rachel could hear all three girls talking and giggling while some Lady Gaga played quietly in the background as she opened her front door. 'I'm home,' she called out, 'I'm starving so you best have made me some tea!' Elise and Taisie came rushing down the hallway and gave her a hug. 'Alright kids? Hope you've been behaving for your mum.' She smiled down at them as they pulled her into the kitchen. 'Mmm, something smells nice!'

'We made curry! Chicken curry with a yummy sauce!' Taisie said proudly. 'Me and Elise did it all by ourselves, didn't we mum?'

'They sure did, they're a pair of chefs, I'm telling ya! Wouldn't even let me NEAR the food. I could get used to this!' Janet joked, smiling warmly as she looked over at Rachel.

'Chefs?! We put the already sliced chicken in a pan, added onions and peppers, and then poured a jar of sauce over it. Not exactly professional standard' Elise grinned while Taisie looked affronted.

'Well, it smells good anyway,' Rachel laughed, sniffing the air dramatically and rubbing her stomach. 'Come on then, chefs, serve it up!'

Xxx

After dinner, which- it has to be said- was exceedingly tasty, the two girls offered to do the dishes while Janet and Rachel sat at the table feeling stuffed. Elise was telling them how her project was going at school and asked Rachel if she wouldn't mind helping her with some of it. 'Course not, kid. When you're next over, bring it around and I'll look over it with you. I'm sure your mum would be better though, she's got way more experience with all that profiling stuff than I have.'

'Oh no, no, no. Let's not forget that you are the Queen of Amazing according to these two,' Janet said playfully, 'We all know that being cool wins over being experienced any day of the week, isn't that right girls?!'

Elise ducked out of answering that particular question while Taisie, not known for her meekness, nodded merrily. 'Thanks Rachel. I think we're coming around on Sunday. Taisie, remind me to put my project stuff in my bag on Sunday please.'

After a while more of mindless chit chat, Janet decided she needed to get the girls home. Ade was still in his vindictive mood, and she didn't want him finding any excuse to get on at her, including what time the girls were being brought home. Taisie gave Rachel a big hug as she left, and Elise gave her a small wave before disappearing out the door.

'I won't be long, Rach.' Janet said as she headed out. 'I bought some wine on the way home earlier, open it if you fancy a drink tonight. See you in a bit.'

Rachel stared after her lost in thought and subsequently almost fell off her chair when her phone rang, pulling her sharply out of her daydream.

'Rachel Bailey.' She answered automatically

'Alright Rach? It's Ali. Just wondered how you are, that's all.' Her sister replied, leaving Rachel immediately wishing that she'd checked caller ID before she'd answered the phone.

'Yeah, I'm fine. And you?' she sighed, not really caring if her sister picked up on her annoyance.

'We're all good. Just wondered if you were free on Sunday? Your niece would love to see her aunt.'

Rachel wasn't stupid. She could read between the lines. Ali was insinuating, again, that Rachel didn't spend enough time with them. Well, she wasn't going to be fooled with a guilt trip. 'Sorry, I can't. Tell her I'll pop by soon though. If I'm not called in to work, I've promised to help Elise with her school work.'

'Fine,' Ali muttered. 'You know, it would be really nice if we got to spend quality time with you Rachel. I know you're busy, but you really should try and make some time for your family one of these days.. especially after all this stuff with Dom.'

'Oh.. don't start Ali. I said I'll pop over soon, alright? Now.. is that all, only I'm in the middle of something.' Rachel said as she got the wine out of the fridge and two glasses out of the cupboard.

'Yeah.. yeah, that's all. Don't want to keep you, do we? Honestly, I don't know why I bother sometimes. Listen, you get back to whatever is so important. Talk later.' And with that, Ali hung up.

Rachel didn't take much notice of their abrupt end of the conversation.. her and Ali were always pissing each other off, so this made no difference really. Besides.. she had more important things to think about. Like what the hell would happen when her and Janet had the _talk_. She poured herself a glass of wine for dutch courage, congratulating herself for eating earlier. She looked at the clock and realized Janet would be back within 5 minutes and deliberated over trying to hastily tidy up. _Nah, _she thought to herself, _let's not make all this weirder than it needs to be. _She did decide to change the music though, finding Taisie's Lady Gaga CD in the player.. Taisie would undoubtedly have a sulk about forgetting it when she found the empty case in her bag later.

She'd literally just sat down on the sofa, drink in hand, when she heard the front door open. Immediately Rachel felt queasy. But, as Janet had said earlier, the sooner they started, the sooner it'd be finished. Janet appeared in the doorway and smiled nervously to Rachel.

'You okay, mate?' she asked as she took her coat off.

'Yep. Shall I pour you a wine?' God, why were they making small talk? Rachel fidgeted in her seat, waiting for Janet to answer.

'Ooh, yes please. I'll just nip to the loo.' She entered the toilet and stood there, looking at herself in the mirror. _Don't be such a pussy, Scott. _She said to herself sternly. _Go out there and say what needs to be said._

After a couple more minutes, Janet purposefully strode out of the bathroom and headed towards the living room.

It was time for the talk.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Janet sat down at the other end of the sofa from Rachel and picked up her wine, watching Rachel turn towards her while tucking her legs beneath her. Rachel needed more furniture in this front room, Janet decided... there really wasn't the space to have a deep conversation without being sat practically on top of each other. She looked at Rachel for a moment, wondering how someone was supposed to start a conversation like this and prolonged it by having a rather large gulp of wine. Rachel followed suit, suddenly longing to be back in the office so they wouldn't have to have this discussion.

After a few more moments of mindless fidgeting, Janet cleared her throat. 'Wow.. this is awkward!' she joked weakly, trying to break the ice. Why was she feeling so uncomfortable around Rachel all of a sudden?

'Yeah,' Rachel smiled, looking every bit as nervous as Janet felt. 'Ah, fuck it, I'll start. What… what's happening, Jan? Between us, I mean.' She wanted to hit her head against the wall for clarifying herself, of course Janet would know she was asking about their relationship, Rachel wouldn't exactly be asking about the rise in taxes right now, would she?!

Janet sighed. 'I don't know Rach. I know.. I know I started it all, but I don't want you to think it was planned or anything like that. It really wasn't. It kind of just.. happened.' She stared at her nails, suddenly too nervous to meet Rachel's gaze. 'I guess.. if we're being totally honest here.. ever since me and Ade have really, definitely, been over, I've.. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. I've had some sort of.. crush on you or something.' This was proving to be more embarrassing than she had anticipated and Janet could feel herself going pink in the cheeks.

'You had.. or have.. some kind of crush on me?' Rachel asked, incredulously. She was finding it really hard, despite everything that had come about in the past couple of days, to believe that Janet – sensible, non-risk-taking, completely STRAIGHT Janet – had been nursing an attraction for her for weeks before anything had even occurred. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean exactly what I just said. One day I just saw you doing something or other in the office and.. I don't know! Something clicked, or my brain malfunctioned from its usual setting, or.. I dunno.. something happened anyway, and since then I have.. I've been thinking of you in ways that aren't strictly just platonic.' She reached for her glass again now pretty sure her face looked as if it were on fire; fucking hell… this was hard.

Rachel looked around the room, trying to digest this information. She was all for total honesty, definitely, and she wanted Janet, really she did, but… it was still quite a lot to take in. She'd assumed that the first thoughts of this… whatever it was… had happened on the night of the first kiss. Huh, she thought to herself, and people called her Sherlock around the office?! They wouldn't if they knew this. 'Okay..' she said slowly, knowing what she needed to ask, but dreading the answer. 'Jan.. have you thought that, like..' she brushed her hair out of her face, 'I don't know. Maybe the only reason you're feeling like this is because you feel rejected by Ade, and you're reaching out and maybe confusing your feelings?'

Janet paused, trying to figure out how to word what she needed to say. 'Yes..' she said, and Rachel's heart almost stopped. 'Yeah I have thought about that. A lot, in fact. I've been driving myself crazy for weeks wondering if I'm misplacing my emotions, but Rach.. I honestly don't think I am. I know it might come across that way, what with it coming out of the blue and all that, but I'm over Ade. We fell out of love long before we.. before he kicked me out. And I'm aware you're probably wondering why on Earth I tried to get him back, if I didn't even love him..' Rachel nodded guiltily while waiting for her heart to resume normal service, 'but that was because of the girls. I didn't want them having to split their time between their dad and me, I didn't want them to have to go through the pains of our divorce. But you've seen them, Rach. They're happy. They've settled down after the initial uproar, and I'm not denying that we don't have a long way to go before me and the girls are back to normal again, but now I know for sure that I can't go back to Ade. That I won't go back to Ade. For the last two or three years we were more like housemates than anything else, sad as it is to admit that, and we spent more time arguing than anything else. Hell, we actually even had one huge argument about the fact we were arguing so much. I understand if you don't believe me, but I know, deep down, that even if mine and your relationship went no further than friendship for the rest of our lives, and even if Ade turned around tomorrow and begged for me to come back, I would still feel the exact same way as I feel now. It's over, Rach. It's been over for ages. It's just taken me this long to face up to that.' Janet sunk further back into the sofa. This was exhausting. She knew that they both had to air everything out between them, but it didn't stop her wishing for her bed.

Rachel stared thoughtfully into her wine glass, trying to digest these facts. She thought back to when she had stayed with Janet and Ade briefly and remembered the distance that seemed almost palpable between the married couple. She recalled Janet coming into work sometimes in a foul mood, finally explaining to Rachel the massive argument her and Ade had just had before she came to work. She noted the difference between Janet a couple of months ago, and the Janet of the present, not being able to deny the difference in her and finally understanding that Janet really had been less than happy when she was with Ade. And besides that, she knew Janet wouldn't lie to her. Fucking hell, Janet was Little Miss Responsible. She knew Janet wouldn't be saying all this if she didn't mean it. As she reasoned through the information given, she felt a smile touch her lips and – not wanting to look as if she was gloating over the pain Janet must have felt with Ade or as if she were gloating over Janet's past misfortune – hastily took a glug of wine before refilling both of their glasses. 'I believe you Janet,' she said as she settled back on the couch, 'I just needed to make sure, that's all. Er- so.. where do we go from here?'

'I think you might be forgetting something Rachel.' Rachel racked her brains, coming up with nothing and looked at Janet wild-eyed. 'Um.. what about Sean? You know.. your boyfriend?' Janet pressed, feeling a tiny bit of satisfaction that Rachel had forgotten someone who could potentially come between her and Janet.

'Oh shit.' Rachel replied, rubbing her temples. She genuinely hadn't even thought about Sean since the morning after her and Janet's first kiss. Well, that didn't exactly bode well for a match made in heaven, did it? All her thoughts were either of work or fantasizing about Janet and unfortunately Sean had somehow slipped her mind. 'I.. oh my god, I didn't even think.' She whispered, feeling awful at how quickly she had shoved an unknowing Sean to one side. 'I'll.. shit. I'll have to talk to him. Explain that it's over. If I can forget him that easily.. even if nothing happens between you and I, I think it's a pretty good indication that me and him aren't meant to be together.'

'I don't know, Rach. Maybe you're just upset and confused with everything that's happened and haven't had room to think of anything but the immediate problems in your life.' Janet truly hoped this wasn't the case, but she knew she had to know for sure that Rachel was ending things with Sean for the right reasons.

'Jan.. listen. You know more than most how much Sean can piss me off. I know he's a lovely man and I know he will make some woman very happy one day..' Rachel should write this down and use it in her break up speech.. that's how clichéd it sounded, but she genuinely meant every word. '.. but, really. I mean.. and I know this sounds horrible, but I think he was more of a distraction than anything else. After what happened with Nick, I really needed someone to be around. Someone to hold me at night and to come home to at the end of a shit day and know I wouldn't be alone. He's.. too much. Realistically, could you see me and Sean getting married someday? I don't like all the 20 text messages a day, trying to be a Jeremy Kyle to my family issues, him falling over himself in a bid to be romantic. It's just.. not me.' As she was saying the words, she knew them to be true. Her and Sean would never have lasted, and although she felt bad about that, she knew it was the best thing for them both. 'Ugh.. I'm going to have to text him tomorrow and arrange a chat. It's going to be awful.' Rachel put her head in her hands dreading seeing the puppy dog expression that she knew Sean would produce.

Janet sipped some of her wine, trying to hide her excitement at how well – in the grand scheme of things, anyway – this conversation was going. She looked over at Rachel earnestly, trying to keep her hopes squashed, knowing how much it would hurt if this all ended badly and she didn't get what she wanted after all. 'Okay… so… so far we both know that I am 100% over with Ade, and would be even without what's been going on between us, and we know that you are going to end it with Sean, right?'

Rachel lifted her head from her hands, trying to dispel the dread she felt about the meeting she would have to have with Sean. 'Yep. And I don't want you to be sat there thinking I'm breaking up with him because of you and worrying yourself over it. It would have happened sooner or later, I think even he knows that. To be honest, I'm just speeding up the inevitable.' She replied as Janet nodded seriously. 'So now we have the men out of the way,' she laughed self-consciously at how weird it all sounded, 'what happens between us? Where do we go from here now? What do you want?'

The moment of truth was here. Janet could bare her soul and Rachel could laugh and never want to talk to her again. She could be rejected once again. But she knew, regardless of the outcome, things needed to be said and if she kept it to herself, she would regret it. She took a deep breath, realizing that her hand was so tightly gripped around the wine glass that her knuckles were white. She loosened her grasp slightly, took another big gulp of wine and started. 'That's the big question, isn't it?' she smiled weakly, trying to keep a hold on her nerves. 'I want.. oh, man. It's hard ain't it, all this talking lark. Okay, I guess what I want is.. you, in a nutshell. I want us to make a go of it, I want to be the person who you come back home to after a shit day at work and makes you feel less alone. I want to be with you, be with my best friend, through the ups and the downs. I want to share all our secrets with each other, know each other inside out and see if this.. us.. could work out. Because I really think it could. You are my best friend, Rachel. You are the one person who can make me laugh if I feel like giving up on everything. And you're the one person who I look forward to seeing every single day. I want to fall asleep with you and roll over in the mornings and find you right there, next to me. And I know that sounds all a bit too romantic for you but it's true. I also fancy you like fucking crazy. So that helps. But yeah… that's what I want.' Janet shocked herself at that not so little speech. There's laying yourself bare, and then there's coming across and a complete nutter. She glanced at Rachel nervously, wondering if Rachel was going to order her out of the flat or something.

Rachel, unable to come across as cool and sophisticated any longer, beamed. A big, wide, absolutely thrilled face-splitting smile. Her eyes shone as she let Janet's word wash over her, like a soothing balm to a sore wound. 'Oh my god,' she said in a quiet voice, as if speaking normally would break the spell. 'Oh my bloody god!' and because she wasn't used to this sort of nice attention, not used to the flowing compliments and genuine romantic indications, she did the one thing she always fell back on when she felt slightly out of her depth. 'Hark at you, you hid your romantic side rather well, didn't ya?!'

Although Janet understood why she was joking around, it really wasn't the time, so she pressed on with the conversation. 'Yeah, yeah. Enough about me, your turn now. Don't feel you have to say things just because I have, just tell me honestly what you want and how you feel.' While she waited for Rachel to respond, it took Janet a few seconds to realize she was holding her breath, her nerves taking a hold of her. Slowly, she exhaled, trying to calm the butterflies that were batting like crazy in her stomach.

Rachel almost felt giddy with relief at knowing what Janet wanted so it took her a couple of moments to get herself together enough to respond. 'Er- okay. I dunno where to start. Come on, Rach' she said to herself more than Janet who was, to her credit, seemed to be waiting pretty patiently though Rachel could detect the nerves bubbling just below the surface. 'Okay, sorry. Right, basically, well it's all been a bit of a whirlwind to be honest. I've never considered myself to be anything but straight, so it's been a lot to get my head around. At first, after the kiss, I was a bit freaked out..' Janet looked guilty at this, 'but then as I lay there in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about it and suddenly I very much wanted to try it again. And then I panicked and decided to give you some space, but all day I was thinking about you, about the possibility of there being an us, and I realized that I really wanted there to be. And then you said it was all a mistake so I tried to not think about it. Failed pretty badly at that as you witnessed last night. But yeah.. you've never ever let me down. You keep me in my place when needs must, but you also never make me feel less than good enough. And I really like you… I mean, it scares me how much I like you. I almost fucking jumped you in the office earlier when you whispered in my ear.. luckily enough, I resisted, but I mean.. it's all weird now. I'm not used to thinking about you in this way, and while it all feels a bit strange, I love it. I always looked forward to seeing you, but now my stomach flips when I see you. And that's scary, but a good scary.' She smiled at Janet with worried eyes. 'And hopefully I haven't scared the shit out of you now.'

Janet smiled back with a look that was so reassuring, so tender, that Rachel suddenly felt the need to cry. 'To be honest kid, you haven't got a hope in hell in scaring me off.' She said as she reached slowly towards Rachel and gently held her hand, feeling a weight lift off of her for the first time in weeks, maybe even months. 'Now, as much as I would like to carry this to the bedroom, we need to talk about the practicalities of us.. of us being together.' Even saying those words made her shiver with delight.

Rachel looked confused. 'Er- well.. I'm pretty sure we're not the first women to have sex, Janet. And all the others seemed like they worked it out pretty easily. In fact, they all seem to prefer it to sex with men, so apparently it goes well, from what I can gather anyway.'

Janet burst out laughing, literally almost bent over double with mirth, watching Rachel trying to figure out what the hell she was on about. As Janet laughed, Rachel continued to look on in bewilderment wondering what on earth was so funny and thinking that if anything she should be the one laughing at Janet. 'No, you tit! Oh god, you crack me up..' Janet finally spluttered when she came up for air from her laughing fit. 'And you fool people into thinking you're bright?! I MEANT the practicalities of who we're going to tell, how we're going to manage at work, the girls, all that boring yet necessary stuff that needs to be discussed.'

Rachel flushed bright red, marvelling at her own stupidity and subsequently blaming it on the excitement of the moment. 'Oh… yeah, right, yeah. I was joking, Janet!' she said unconvincingly before the realization of what Janet had actually meant dawned on her. 'Oh… god. Godzilla will go fucking apeshit. Especially after what happened with you and Andy. Plus, she hates the shit out of me. She'll think I'm corrupting you! And Kevin! Can you imagine his face? He'll get mileage out of this for EVER. What are we going to do?' she hadn't thought of any of this when she'd day dreamed of being with Janet, she'd just envisioned them alone together, wrapped up in a little cocoon, forever.

'See, this is why we needed to talk about it. Ahahaha, and you thought I meant sex..' Janet still guffawed to herself before calming herself down and forcing herself to be serious. 'Okay. I don't see the need to tell anyone at work what's going on between us yet. It's none of their business, and of course we'll still be professional while we're there. Besides, we're so close anyway that I doubt anyone will have any suspicions about us. By the way, I wish you'd stop convincing yourself that Gill has it in for you; I think she's been rather supportive of you lately actually. You know what she's like, she's not all over everyone with her emotions, but she does like you.' Rachel rolled her eyes at this. 'But yeah,' Janet continued, 'no one at work needs to know until we decide to tell them. As for Kevin, he wouldn't pick up on anything unless we planted ourselves on his desk and snogged for ten minutes straight anyway, though I don't advise that as the rest of the team would probably raise a few eyebrows at that.' She smiled, feeling lighter than she had in ages.

'Okay, deal. So we just keep it ourselves, yeah? What about Taisie and Elise?' Rachel asked, knowing it would probably be pretty awkward and difficult for Janet to have to tell her daughters that she was dating a woman. And not just any woman, a woman they had let into their house and shared stories with and who they probably looked at as a friend.

The free feeling clouded over slightly as Janet pondered this. 'I don't think we should tell them yet, either. They've only just come to terms that me and their dad are never getting back together and although they've adapted well, I don't want to put too much on them. Not right now. Obviously we'll have to tell them at some point, but I don't think they – or me, if I'm honest – could handle the stress of that at the moment. You don't mind, do you?' she looked at Rachel anxiously, not wanting her to think that Janet was hiding her because she was ashamed or anything.

'God, no. Course not, Jan. They're good kids; just let them settle down for a bit while we make a go of things. Once things get more serious… if they get more serious… then we'll tell them. But for now I agree with you. And for the record before you even hint at it, there is no way in hell I'm telling Ali just yet. She'd probably interrogate me for a few hours before starting on you and then subject us to an ever so lovely family meal' the disdain was clear in Rachel's tone.

'You'll have to tell her eventually, Rachel. She loves you and cares about you. And God knows you could all do with a bit of good news at the moment.' Janet looked down at her and Rachel's hands still in hold and raised her eyes up to Rachel's with a kind smile on her face.

'Stop being so sensible, you!' Rachel moaned to Janet before getting up for another bottle of wine. They'd surely earned it tonight. She sat back down, wine in hand, and poured them both a hefty glass full. 'Ugh.. you're right, you're right. But I know what she'll be like. She'll probably go lightly on you actually seeming as you've met- she'll have a million and one questions for me, I bet. I tell you what though; I can't wait to see her face when I tell her.' Rachel was warming up to the idea, imagining Ali's shocked face when she was told the news. 'Not just yet though. Next week, maybe?' Janet nodded and Rachel, placing her glass on the table, moved up the sofa to Janet and sat a little nearer, taking Janet's hand back into her own. 'Ah.. there we go. We need more furniture in here you know, I almost cricked my neck looking at you tonight.' Although this all felt completely natural, to be sat in this quite intimate position with someone she felt so passionately about, it definitely surprised her at how at ease they both were with it all.

'I was thinking about that earlier! We definitely need, like, a chair over there or something.' Said Janet as she gently squeezed Rachel's fingers, revelling in the situation. 'And, about Ali, yes. Next week sounds good to me. We'll just keep it under wraps in front of everyone else.' They both fell quiet then, holding hands and listening to the soothing sounds of Nina Simone drifting from the CD player.

'Jan?' Rachel said suddenly turning to look at her… oh wow… her new girlfriend with a surprisingly serious look on her face. 'Why did you apologize for the kiss if you honestly didn't have any regrets over it?' the thought had just come to her and she knew if she didn't ask, she'd be wondering about it all night.

Janet looked at her with a look that made Rachel think of someone confessing to being caught out or something. 'What else could I do, Rach? You hadn't spoke to me properly all day, had disappeared to bed before I'd got home the night before. I thought you were disgusted and didn't want anything to do with me. I thought the only way to keep our friendship was to bullshit my way out of it; make you believe that I regretted it. It was bloody difficult, but the thought of losing you altogether made me think that it was the only thing I could do if we had any hope of salvaging our friendship.' She sighed to herself, remembering how hard it had been to downplay it to Rachel, to pretend it hadn't meant anything. 'I almost couldn't do it, but I just knew I had to. No matter how much it hurt me, I couldn't lose you from my life completely.'

Rachel looked surprised. 'Seriously? Oh thank God!' Now it was Janet's turn to raise her eyebrows. 'Not in that way, obviously..' Rachel was quick to point that out and hurried to continue. 'I meant I'm relieved that that's the reason why you made excuses for that kiss. Honestly, I thought it meant nothing to you after you said that, I was gutted. The only reason I had kept my distance from you was because I hadn't wanted to pressure you and I was so scared that you'd just leave me, leave our friendship, if I pestered you about everything. I can't believe you thought I was disgusted, you daft cow!'

'Me?!' Janet spluttered over her wine. 'You fell for the bloody thing! I didn't think you would believe it for a second, seeming as even I could hear my voice shake as I told you all that crap. And, lest you forget, you then told me that you felt the same way about it! So, I think we can take joint responsibility for that, thank you very much! Daft cow, indeed. Cheeky sod!' it felt so nice to be like this again with Rachel. Not tip-toeing around, or worrying about what would happen later. She felt as though she'd won the lottery what with Rachel telling her she wanted the same thing. They'd fallen back into the easy and comforting camaraderie as swiftly as they'd fallen out of it. It was reassuring to realize that.

'Ha, yeah. I guess you're right for once. Can you believe how stupid we both were with that?! One huge misunderstanding, and if I hadn't have gotten hammered before coming home and snogging the face off of you we'd still be in that predicament. Ugh.. it was horrible.' Rachel winced as she recalled just how upset and lost she'd felt throughout the past couple of days.

Janet squeezed her hand after seeing Rachel's face fall, and had a sip of her wine. 'Don't think about it anymore, love. It's over now. This is where it all starts for us.' She gave Rachel a small smile, for once not feeling like she had the world balanced precariously on her shoulders. For once feeling… well… just like any other woman out there who'd been as lucky as Janet had been tonight. And she was intent on revelling in that feeling.

Rachel squeezed lightly back before turning slightly on the sofa and leaning forward to press her lips gently on Janet's. There wasn't the urgency they'd experienced before, this kiss didn't revolve purely around the lust they felt; it was deeper than that. Rachel cupped Janet's head in her hands while Janet trailed her fingertips slowly up and down Rachel's side, causing Rachel to gasp quietly at the pleasure of contact. Rachel's tongue came out to play and was eagerly accepted as Janet parted her lips and her own tongue reciprocated the invitation. They took their time with that kiss, trying to convey with every press of the lips, every twitch of the tongues, every gasp of content, all the things they felt for one another. All the hope they held for their future. Janet's hands continued to trail over Rachel's side and up and down her back, catching her hair slightly, trying to mesmerise the feel of her and Rachel's hands kept Janet's face tenderly framed, as they happily and completely gave in to their feelings for one another. After a short while they pulled back, both in a state of bliss and wonderment. This had been the first kiss they had shared without anger or alcohol dimming their recollections of it. Sure, they'd had a drink, but neither of them was drunk or even properly tipsy.

'Fucking hell, Jan! If I knew you could kiss like that, I would have jumped you long ago!' Rachel joked, still slightly breathless from the tenderness of that kiss.

'Trust me, it's never felt like that for me. Ever. That was… something else.' Janet grinned, ecstatic in the knowledge that this was to be only one kiss of many. The other kisses they'd shared had been mind-blowing, but they had been nearly overshadowed by the anxiety and uncertainty of the events that had occurred after each one. She looked at Rachel with eyes that shone and Rachel stared back with the same sense of awe. They stayed that way for a while, fingers entangled and smiles that showed know intent of letting up any time soon.

As Rachel sat there holding hands with Janet and eyes that twinkled merrily, she thought back over the conversation they'd just shared. She couldn't believe how close they had been to throwing it all away over one stupid misunderstanding after another. Now, for once, everything felt good. Yes, her brother were still being hunted by the police, yes, she still was messed up over her past, and yes, her troubles wouldn't disappear overnight, but with having Janet there, lovely, thoughtful, beautiful Janet there by her side, she knew that she would get through it all. She thought about Sean again, poor Sean. He really was a sweetheart, but he wasn't the one her heart desired. He never was, although she had never fully admitted that to herself before tonight. Oh yes, all the secrets had spilled out tonight, she smiled to herself.

'What are you smiling at, missy?' Janet grinned, feeling all warm inside.

'Just thinking about us.. we really got everything out tonight didn't we?!' Rachel giggled, tightening her grip on Janet's hand.

'We sure did! I'm knackered now! Worth it though, definitely.'

'Agreed! And, because I don't want us to get off to a bad start – haha, like we haven't had enough of a false start already! – I'm going to text Sean tomorrow and if he's free I'll meet him on his lunch break. I'll have to clear a couple of hours from work with Godzilla of course, so sweeten her up before I go in, seeming as you're her number one!' she smiled cheekily. 'And then I'll have a really shitty conversation with him, which will make me feel like crap, but I'll know that I'm completely doing the right thing… especially when you give me a hug when I get back to the office.'

'Are you sur-' Janet started before being cut off.

'I'm positive, so let's not start all of that again, lady!' Rachel said, placing one finger against Janet's lips. 'The only reason I mentioned it again and told you of my plans for tomorrow is so that a) you'd know I really am ending it with Sean and b) I could tell you that I don't want to.. erm..' she blushed suddenly, 'can we… can we not DO anything until I've honestly finished with him? I just wouldn't feel right until he knows for sure that it's over, though to be honest, if he hasn't got the picture by now I'd be surprised.'

Janet chuckled quietly. 'And by enunciating that DO, do you mean sex by any chance, kid?!' she looked over at Rachel who was blushing even harder now, if that were possible.

'Er- well, yeah. Do you mind? I mean.. I reaaaally want to, but I just.. I want us to have.. sex.. when we have a clean slate to start from.' Rachel was really struggling with her conflicting emotions, and half hoped that Janet would push her to change her mind because Rachel definitely wouldn't be hard to persuade right now. She'd just had enough of beating herself up about everything, and she knew Sean deserved to know they were no longer together before she started shagging someone else, no matter how much that someone else meant to her. And this thing with Janet.. it was something Rachel was fully intending on committing herself too. It wasn't going to be some one night stand, so she wanted to have no worries or feelings of guilt when they took that step. It was just a shame her libido wasn't quite feeling the same way.

'Of course not, love. I told you earlier.. I'm exhausted! What I really, really want to do, is to get into bed with you and just cuddle until we fall asleep. I know how much you want to do this right. I do too.' She stood up and stretched languidly before bending over Rachel, giving her a light kiss on the lips and pulling her off the sofa. 'Come on, you. Let's get ready for bed.' She knew it would take a while for her to get used to this, for her to wipe the silly grin off of her face over the fact that this was actually happening. In the space of a few days Rachel had been her best friend, not a friend at all, a drunken snogger and now her partner. Yes, it would definitely take some time to wrap her head around there and stopping wanting to pinch herself.

Rachel allowed herself to be pulled up and left Janet tidying up the living room as she hopped in the shower. Usually, Rachel spent as much time as she could in the shower, finding it to be the one place she could think and loved having some peace in there. However, tonight she wanted to be in and out as soon as possible. The sooner she finished, the sooner she would be in bed with Janet. The thought made her tingle, and she scrubbed herself vigorously. She'd just agreed with Janet that she'd have her shower now and let Janet have hers in the morning so they wouldn't have to get up especially early. For once, as Rachel stood there letting the water cascade over her, her mind didn't race. She just let the hot water cleanse her and when she had finished washing her hair – there was SO bloody much of it! – she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself with towels, smiling like a soppy idiot throughout.

While Rachel was having her shower, Janet contented herself by having a little tidy around; washing out the glasses, putting what wine was left back in the fridge, and throwing the other bottle in the bin. It took her a while to realize she was singing one of Lady Gaga's tracks to herself and she made a note to tell Taisie that finally her tastes were rubbing off on her mum. It wasn't that she didn't like Lady Gaga, but having been forced to listen to it every single bloody day in the past had not overly impressed Janet all that much. Hearing the water turn off from the shower, Janet went into the bathroom to brush her teeth before bed. With that job done she returned to the kitchen, poured her and Rachel both a glass of water and then walked to her bedroom where she got dressed into her comfy pj's. Another positive to dating Rachel was that she didn't have to spend hours trying to make an effort and feeling like a complete tit in the process. Rachel had seen her at her worst and still fancied her apparently, although she wasn't quite sure how or why that was possible, and so she had no qualms about wearing her old but oh-so-comfortable pj's to bed.

'You best not be waiting for me in there!' Janet heard Rachel call out. 'We're sleeping in MY room tonight; honestly my bed is bloody amazing.'

'Ha, don't panic, love. Was just getting changed. I'll be in now.' As she walked into Rachel's room, she could see that Rachel had had the same thought process as her, and was stood wearing a ridiculously oversized man's t-shirt. She looked like a little girl lost and it made Janet smile. She settled herself down in Rachel's bed, placing the glasses of water on the other side and watched Rachel roughly towel dry her hair.

'It's going to look like I've been dragged backwards through a particularly vengeful hedge in the morning,' she said, rolling her eyes in anticipation and smiled at Janet. It was so weird seeing Janet there, waiting for her in her bed. She still couldn't really believe that all this had happened. Stuff this good didn't happen to her, and she was aware that for the minute, she'd be walking with her head over her shoulder, waiting for it all to come crashing down, like it usually did. However, tonight she was going to savour the happiness she felt and she was determined to leave all her normal worries until tomorrow.

Janet checked her phone to check that it wasn't on silent and set her alarm as Rachel clambered into bed. 'Anything you want to talk about, love?' she asked Rachel as she leant over to turn off the lamp.

'No,' Rachel said softly, shuffling up to Janet and planting a luxurious kiss on her lips. 'Thank you, Jan. For tonight, for everything.'

'No need to thank me, silly. I feel exactly the same as you. You've made me a happy woman tonight.' She cuddled closer to Rachel, feeling the warmth of their bodies and suppressing a tremor of delight. They were both smiling in the dark, feeling more positive than they had in a long time, feeling the comfort of one another's bodies and each thrilled at how things had turned out.

They'd passed the first hurdle, without too much difficulty. It would be all plain sailing now.. wouldn't it?


	6. Chapter 6

**I hope those that have been reading these chapters have enjoyed it. Please read and review if possible, it'd be nice to know what people think about it, good or bad :) I hope you like this chapter too xx**

Chapter 6

Rachel opened her eyes slowly feeling as miserable and pissed off as she did every morning. Why were mornings so hard? Finding the light from the sun too much to bear for now she closed her eyes again, willing sleep to take her. As she pulled the duvet towards her tighter, she felt a movement behind her and cursed to herself about how it was little wonder that she always felt so bloody tired when Sean fidgeted all the time. Preparing to kick him, hard, in the leg (or whatever part of his body met her foot first, she wasn't bothered really), she adjusted herself to apply as much force as possible. When she felt sure that she would be able to teach Sean a lesson once and for all, she thrust her foot behind her while muttering a 'Will you fucking keep STILL?'.

'Ow! Shit!' said someone who definitely didn't sound like Sean, or any sort of male, causing Rachel to twist around frantically and coming face to face with Janet. 'What the hell was that for?' Janet asked, rubbing her shin and looking much less than impressed.

'Oh my god!' Rachel squealed, the sleepy fog that had so far embraced her this morning finally leaving and allowing her to remember why Janet was in her bed. 'I'm so sorry! I was half asleep and thought you were Sean! Are you okay?' Rachel was bright red by now, feeling like a complete fool for beating the shit out of Janet by mistake.

'You thought I was Sean? I know you're not one for being overly complimentary, Rach, but I have to say this is a new low for you.' Janet couldn't keep the smile out of her voice as the pain in her leg began to fade. She'd probably have a bruise there tomorrow though; what a lovely keepsake of her and Rachel's first morning together.

'I didn't mean it like that! I just felt someone behind me and assumed it was him cos I was still half asleep,' Rachel protested, wondering how she always managed to find herself in these sorts of embarrassing situations. 'Seriously, are you okay, Jan?'

'Yeah.. though I think I should be compensated later for this. A foot rub, perhaps?' she grinned, letting the happiness she felt at waking up to Rachel - even in this rather painful way - wash over her. In fact, the kick probably did her good, at least it meant she didn't have to pinch herself to check that she wasn't in one of her fantasies again. But no, this was definitely reality and her grin widened as she looked at Rachel, who was wiping her eyes while looking at Janet in concern.

'Deal.' Rachel yawned and smiled shyly at Janet. 'I can't believe I just did that. What a twat.' she muttered, half to herself, more annoyed than the situation really required, pissed off that what was supposed to be a wonderful morning had started off with an angry kick.

'Hey.. don't start, kid! It's not my favourite wake up routine, but believe it or not I've had worse.' she smirked, trying to bring some light to the now rather tense atmosphere.

Rachel relaxed, not quite sure how Janet had the ability to calm her down and put things back into perspective - something very few people were capable of when it came to Rachel. 'You're right,' she said, leaning over for a rather chaste kiss, aware of her morning breath. And who said romance was dead, she thought to herself wryly. 'There, that's a better start to the morning, don't ya think?'

'Mmm.. okay, now THAT is my favourite wake up routine,' Janet smiled, feeling like a teenager in the throes of a first crush, feeling almost overwhelmed at the intensity of her emotions. 'How are you feeling this morning, love?' she enquired, secretly feeling thrilled at the intimacy of the situation.

'Tired!' Rachel groaned, pulling the duvet up over her head in mock annoyance. She peeked over the top, looking at Janet with eyes that clearly displayed the happiness she felt within. 'I feel good. Really good. This feels so... weird, but, like, a really amazing weird. If that even makes sense.' she smiled again as Janet pulled the duvet back down and moved in closer, while Rachel stretched out her arm, sliding it beneath Janet's neck and pulling her in to her embrace.

'Makes sense to me. I think you're right, it's surreal. Like some sort of dream.' Janet agreed, her head now on Rachel's chest, her brain desperately trying to not acknowledge this fact lest her libido took control. She settled for draping her arm over Rachel's body and sighing contentedly, unable to think of anywhere else in the world she would want to be at this moment.

'I guess so. The strangest thing to me though is how... natural it feels. I mean, I know I said it feels weird, but like.. only because I never thought this would happen. The fact that it has happened is the amazingly weird thing. But being here with you, in bed, feels natural.. normal, even. And it feels weird that THAT doesn't feel weird. Oh god, I'm not saying it properly. Just.. yeah. It feels weird and normal.. so..' she trailed off, pretty sure that if she continued it would just spiral into completely incoherent ramblings. Obviously the fact that Janet's head was resting on her chest with only a thin scrap of material preventing skin-on-skin interaction was scattering her thoughts far more than she would care to admit, and she was really regretting her morals regarding no sex until her conversation with Sean had taken place.

'Hush. Stop worrying about if you're being clear,' Janet said, nestling in closer, increasing the thrill for both her and Rachel. 'I know exactly what you mean. It's fine.' she couldn't help but notice the speed at which Rachel's heart was now racing, causing her own to kickstart into quickened action. They lapsed into silence, thinking of how far they'd had to come to get here, thinking of how worth it all the tears and angst had been.

The sound of the rather brash and intruding alarm caused them both to jump slightly, each silently cursing the damn thing for the unwanted, yet necessary, interruption. Janet shifted slightly and reached to turn off the alarm before tensing her muscles in preparation to get up, as much as she loathed to.

'Not yet,' Rachel whined, pinning Janet to her with a strength that she usually reserved for pricks she was chasing after while at work. 'Two more minutes.' relaxing her grip as she felt Janet nestle back into her fold. Neither of them needed much persuading to stay where they were, safe from everything out of these four walls, feeling secure and content in each other's embrace. 'Shall we call in sick?' Rachel asked, intending to masquerade the serious question in jokey tones but not quite managing it and instead sounding as wistful as she felt.

'Ugh, I wish!' Janet responded, surprised that for once she wasn't bounding out of bed in her excitement to get to work. They became quiet again, probably hoping that their silence would evade the constraints of time and allow them to stay in their cocoon.

'Come on, love.' Janet eventually said, checking her mobile and seeing that they'd spent a quite lovely ten minutes ignoring the prospect of a long day at work. 'We'll be late if we don't get a move on, and you already think Gill is on your case all the time.' She sat up, feeling almost pained at having to leave this perfect moment and face the world behind the bedroom door.

Rachel groaned and muttered something that sounded like 'Spoilsport!' before following suit and sitting up beside Janet. She kissed Janet briefly behind the ear causing Janet to shiver and got out of bed, heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth before Janet hogged the room. When she got back to her bedroom she saw Janet grab two towels and head for her shower.

Rachel looked in the mirror and groaned. She had no one to blame but herself really, she'd known that she should have dried her hair last night but in her rush to climb into bed with Janet she'd left it to dry naturally and now it looked.. comical. And comical hair was not a look an MIT officer should really have. How Janet had managed to have any sort of conversation with Rachel without laughing was beyond her. With a resigned sigh, she picked up he brush and wrestled with her hair until it looked semi-presentable in a ponytail. 'That will have to do.' she muttered, before making her way into the kitchen, putting on the kettle, making some toast and lighting up her first cigarette of the day. Trying to be mindful of Janet, she hung out of the kitchen window, the wind feeling more icy than finished, tea poured and toast buttered, she loaded her goods onto a tray and headed back into the bedroom where she found Janet sliding nylon tights up her calves. Rachel gulped, trying not to ogle but finding it almost impossible. When she wrenched her gaze away she looked up to Janet's face which had one eyebrow sardonically raised in an expression of mock anger. Rachel flushed, embarrassed at being caught out, and averted her gaze as Janet finished getting dressed, scalding herself by taking a large sip of the still piping hot tea. Janet smiled, still rather confused as to how Rachel found her attractive. It was a mystery to her, but aware of time ticking on, she let the thought pass and concentrated on trying to simultaneously eat toast and do her hair.

Rachel sat down at her dresser and deftly applied her make-up. Within five minutes she was done and so moved out of the way so Janet could do hers. As Janet got to work, Rachel took another (more wary and slightly smaller) sip of her tea and munched her toast, trying to distract herself from where her less than saintly thoughts were headed. Fortunately, or not so fortunately, the worry she felt about going into work made it easy for her head to almost forget about all the things she'd quite like to do with Janet, none of the activities based outside of the bedroom.

'Should we take two cars? People might talk if we arrive together. We don't want people to get the wrong idea. Well, the right idea, but you know what I mean. Should I leave now and you leave in five minutes so we don't get in at the same time? Would that be suspicious? What should we do?' Rachel babbled, nerves making her analyse everything. She didn't want work knowing about her and Janet just yet. She wasn't ready for that.

'Rach, calm down! You're being ridiculous. We don't always drive our own cars, and it's stupid that we do that anyway seeming as we do live together. If we make a big deal about us not being together, they'll think something's wrong. So stop panicking and try to act normal!' Janet said, amused but knowing that she had to talk some sense into Rachel. She didn't want to be subject to office gossip any more than Rachel did, especially after her and Andy. No thanks.

'You're right, you're right.' Rachel replied, instantly feeling calmer when Janet approached her and embraced her. 'Just worrying over nothing, as usual. You know what I'm like.'

'Yes,' Janet touched Rachel's cheek affectionately, 'yes I do. Now, let's go. Let's take your car, you still haven't finished your toast.'

'Hey! I used napkins to catch those crumbs yesterday, and anyway, why is my car the one that can be a mess?' she jested as they walked through the door.

'A) I found crumbs all over the floor last night, so napkins clearly aren't the solution, and b) your car is already a mess, so...' Janet left the sentence hanging as she gently slapped Rachel's behind.

'The cheek of it! If you don't watch it, you'll never be allowed in my car again!' Rachel smiled, unlocking the car and sliding in before putting on her seatbelt and waiting for Janet to do the same.

xxx

Twenty-five minutes later (bloody traffic) and they entered their office, surprised to find that, aside from Gill, they were the first ones in. As they approached Gill's office, Gill could hear them seemingly having a rather serious debate about chocolate. 'Gotten over your lovers tiff then?' she asked, causing Rachel - who'd just taken a swig from her bottle of water - to choke and lose grip of the bottle of still opened water, leading to it falling to the floor and spilling everywhere. Both Gill and Janet immediately went to Rachel as her choking showed no sign of stopping, Janet rolling her eyes at Rachel's rather ridiculous unsubtle behaviour, and Janet started banging Rachel's back mercilessly (Rachel had a suspicion this was pay back for the kick earlier) and soon the room was filled with Rachel spluttering wildly, trying to catch her breath. So much for discretion, she thought to herself drily. Gill looked at her as if she were a complete moron and Rachel flushed, feeling that it wasn't that inaccurate a description of her.

'So?' Gill asked, her patience wearing thin, wishing she'd kept her mouth shut and not tried to make small talk with her team. They always ended up the same; whoever she attempted chit chat with ended up looking like an imbecile and Gill was left wondering what the hell was wrong with the human race.

'So what, ma'am?' Rachel asked, the drama of her near death and the death stare from her boss making her temporarily forget what Godzilla's original question was.

'Yes, boss.' Janet said, looking at Rachel with incredulity written all over her face before shifting slightly so she could press down on Rachel's foot. 'Like I said, we were both tired, the case has been draining as you know, but things look pretty much back to normal now. Thanks for asking.'

'Oh...' Rachel suddenly understood what was going on and blushed again. 'Yes, boss.' she meekly answered, just a tad too late.

'Thanks Janet, at least one of you seems to have some sort of brain activity going on this morning.' She paused, allowing an uncomfortable silence to edge into the room. 'The lads should be here shortly but I'll inform you of the good news now. Guess what it is.' she said, attempting some cameraderie once more, though knowing she'd regret it later.

'Er- the murder's solved?' Rachel jumped in before Janet could speak, trying to make up for her stupidity just a moment ago.

'Don't be an idiot, Bailey.' Ah, task failed then. Gill turned to Janet as she continued speaking, clearly feeling that she was less likely to have an attack of the Kevins, as Gill liked to call it. 'We have uniforms arresting Sims and Hodges as we speak. DNA came in and it's theirs. So.. I reckon this is a good start.'

'Very good.' Janet replied, feeling sorry for, and strangely over-protective of, Rachel who was acting like a teenager by scuffing her shoe repeatedly against the floor. 'That all, ma'am?' Janet enquired, wanting to get away from Gill and console Rachel, even if Rachel had been having a Kevin moment.

'Yep. As soon as everyone gets in call me and we'll have our briefing.' Gill dismissed them and turned her attention to the pile of paperwork that had been left for her, wondering why on earth she hadn't chosen an easier job. Preferably a job that entailed no interaction with people.

xxx

An hour later and the team had been briefed, roles had been dished out and they were all preparing to get on with the day. Everyone seemed more refreshed, probably due to the early finish the day before.. well, early for them anyway. Just as Rachel was about to head downstairs with Janet to interview Hodges, a thought came to her and she stopped in her tracks and swore out loud.

'Watch out, Bailey?' Pete said, a second too late as he collided into her. 'What is wrong with you?' he asked before bending down to retrieve the papers he had been holding just a moment ago.

'Uh- nothing. Sorry Pete.' she joined him in a crouched position to help pick up the papers before hurrying back in the direction she had just come from and standing by her desk. Janet hurried up to her with a look of concern on her face.

'What's up, kid?' she asked quietly, noting the stress that had suddenly been etched on Rachel's face.

'I forgot to ask Godzilla about having a couple hours off this afternoon. You know, to have that conversation with Sean? And after this morning, I don't think she's likely to oblige, do you?'

'Is that it?' Janet asked, relief flooding through her veins. 'You stress far too much, woman. I'll go and speak to her, sort it out for you. Not a problem. What time roughly?'

'Er- Sean is either on 3-11 shift or not working today. So.. I dunno.. about 1ish? Just for a couple of hours at the most, it shouldn't take that long though.'

'Fine.' Janet looked at Rachel and really wanted to hold her. However, they'd never been touchy-feely women, so Mitch and Lee would probably wonder what was going on if they witnessed that. Rachel's hug would have to wait until later. Instead, she gave Rachel a swift squeeze of the shoulder and headed into the office. While she waited, Rachel got her phone out and sent a text to Sean; _Hi Sean, need to talk to you ASAP. U in work today? If yes, what shift u on? Rachel. _He'd probably pick up on the lack of a kiss at the end of that text but it didn't really matter now. She didn't have to wait long for a reply; _Yeah.. in work from 3. Everything okay? S x _. Rachel didn't allow herself to feel guilt about Sean, instead she replied briefly with; _OK. Meet u in cafe across the road from work at 1.15. Talk later. Rachel. _and shoved her phone back in her bag.

Only a few seconds more passed until Janet came out of Gill's office and signalled for Rachel to follow her out of their office. 'Okay, sorted. Had to tell Gill a white lie though, cos she was asking why you needed to go out. But you're free now from 1.15pm.' Janet said, looking warmly at Rachel.

'Oh thanks, love.' Rachel replied, knowing that Janet couldn't fight all of her battles all of the time, but thinking that as a one-off it didn't matter that much. 'Er- what was that about a little white lie?'

'Ah, it's nothing.' Janet flushed slightly. 'Don't worry about it.'

'Tell me! I have to know, what if Godzilla asks me about it afterwards? Forewarned is forearmed, as they say.'

'Oh. Oh.. I didn't think of that.' The blush was becoming more apparent now. 'I kinda.. well she put me on the spot so I just said the first thing that came into my head.'

'Which was?' Rachel asked, not liking where this was going.

'Er- I said you were going to the gynaecologist. For.. some help. I didn't know-'

'The gynaecologist?! You told my boss that I need help from a gynaecologist?! Why the hell was that your first thought?!' Rachel wasn't angry, just quite baffled. 'Why didn't you just say I was going to the doctors?'

'I don't know.. I didn't think. I'm sorry.' she looked around, checked no one was around, and briefly leaned forward to give Rachel a kiss.

Rachel smiled, at once not caring about anything but more kisses. 'Okay, you're forgiven. But I swear, if she asks me anything about my trip to the gyno, you're going to be giving me much more than a foot rub!' she took a step towards Janet, though immediately jumped back when she heard footsteps. Both women smiled and headed downstairs, Rachel with the intention of a quick cigarette before the interview, and Janet wanting to ensure the room was set up and the solicitors were ready to start.

xxx

'So, Natasha, I'll ask once again; can you explain to me why we found your DNA on Jackie's body?' Rachel inquired, the interview well underway, though it wasn't going as well as they'd hoped. Janet was scribbling on the notepad in front of her, the solicitor was looking bored out of his mind, Rachel was looking intently at the interviewee, and Natasha was looking anywhere but at Rachel.

'I told ya,' she said, with an air of menace. 'I don't fuckin' know.'

'Okay. Well, that leaves us in a bit of pickle, doesn't it? I mean, we have hard evidence that has placed you with the body, as I've already explained, so this is serious Natasha. We have Nicki being interviewed in another room, and if she talks before you do, who knows what she'll say. The only way to know the full truth is if you tell us.' Rachel leaned back in her chair, making sure she looked at ease and comfortable and studied Natasha's body language.

'Look, I dunno, alright? I didn't do it. It don't matter what Nicki says, cos I didn't do it. How many times do I have to say this shit to you?' Natasha stated, though her worried expression ruined the effect she was going for. A knock at the door paused the interview for a couple of minutes.

'I'm in the middle of something if you hadn't noticed, Kevin.' Janet said, frustrated at how unwilling to talk their suspect was. 'This better be important.'

'It is, sarge. Forensics have just got back to us about Hodges' flat.' Janet remembered Gill had said she had issued a warrant for the flat to be searched. She motioned for Kevin to continue. 'Well, they say that one of the rooms appeared to have been scrubbed clean in the past week. Isn't enough on it's own, I know, but also sarge, when they checked the bins outside, they found a belt. The belt is the same width as the one used to asphyxiate the victim. Forensics are examining it now, but I just thought you might want to know now. Get that batshit girl locked up.' Ah, Janet thought, he was doing so well until the last sentence. Even so, for him, he was doing good, and Janet told him so. Kevin left and Janet called Rachel out of the room to explain the developments. With the new information shared, they re-entered the room.

'Right, Natasha. As you're aware, officers have been searching your property. We've just discovered a belt in the bottom of your bin. A belt that is, in fact, almost certainly the same belt that was used in the death of Jacqueline Hall. Now, are you still going to pretend you don't know anything that is happening? Our forensics will have results for us from the belt in...' she checked her watch, 'oooh.. about 5 hours, I'd say. Do we have to wait until then? Or are you going to make things a bit easier for yourself and tell me what is going on now?'

xxx

The MIT office was full of good spirits. The team were sat around once again enjoying some sandwiches for lunch, trying to relax and recharge their batteries before having to continue with their work. The morning had been productive, Natasha had started to talk, Nicki was on the verge of talking and everyone finally felt like they were making some headway with the case. The lads were all having a bit of banter with Janet joining in occasionally, though she kept inconspicuously giving glances to Rachel when no one else was looking, as Rachel had been silent for the most of their lunch break so far. She looked pensive, Janet mused, and although Janet was really trying to reign in her paranoia, she couldn't help but feel that Rachel's pensiveness about this meeting of Sean was due to her not knowing if it was the right thing to do. Janet took out her phone and started to write a text.

_'Are you sure? About Sean? J xx'_

__Less than a minute later a reply came through. _'Ofc I am. Just feel bad for him. Aren't I supposed to be the worrier in this relationship? :P xx'_

_'Just checking, that's all. I'll story worrying now. J xx'_

_'Shit. Stupid phone. Meant stop. Not story. J xx'_

_'Good. Btw, ur looking VERY hot right now. Fancy a quickie? ;) xx'_

_'DC Bailey! Later.. definitely later! Can't wait. J xx'_

_'Haha. Me too. Sending you a hug to tide you over til later! xxx'_

__They tried to join in the banter, though soon enough it was time to head back to work. Chatter died down and everyone got their stuff together to begin the afternoon. They were all hoping for another early finish tonight and so were determined to work as hard as they could. Gill popped her head around the door, 'Rachel.'

Rachel looked at Janet with a slightly nervous expression which wasn't helped when Janet could barely hide her irrepressible smirk. She hadn't meant to make things more awkward between Gill and Rachel, but it still tickled her slightly. Rachel walked in to Gill's office and stood in front of the desk, twiddling with the hem of her top wondering quite where this conversation was going to go. Gill pushed the door shut behind her, sat down at her desk and peered over at Rachel over her glasses.

'I won't keep you long. Just thought I'd wish you luck with your...' she raised an eyebrow, 'er- your.. appointment. I hope it goes well.'

Rachel would have been quite happy if the floor had opened up and devoured her whole right then. She flushed and cursed Janet silently. Seriously, none of her friends had these continual embarrassing situations. Why her? All the bloody time. She supposed she was just put on this earth to amuse people with her anecdotes of getting into really awkward situations. Gill cleared her throat which sharply brought Rachel out of her reverie, becoming aware that Godzilla was beginning to look pretty pissed again.

'Thank.. er- thank you, ma'am. Much appreciated.' she stammered, definitely planning on thinking up ways in which Janet could pay her back for this.

'That's all.' Gill said, effectively dismissing Rachel when she turned her attention back to her computer screen.

xxx

Fifteen minutes later found Rachel stood outside the cafe in which she'd agreed to meet Sean (or forced him to meet her there, whichever way you want to look at it.), smoking a cigarette. She felt sick. The last time she'd dumped someone (someone who wasn't a dick), was in college, and the only reason she'd felt okay about doing that was because the reason she'd dumped him was due to him kissing another lad. Rachel knew she had to do this, but she wasn't underestimating how hard it was going to be. She flicked her cigarette butt away, and pushed the door of the cafe open. She spotted Sean right away and sighed, dread seeming to fuel the nausea.

It was time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Just to prewarn any readers.. this is longer than my usual chapters, I'm not sure how that's possible.. though I'm coming to the conclusion that I have next to no self-control when writing. Also, a huge thanks to the two fab members who reviewed my last chapter, I especially hope that you both enjoy this one too. You've made this newbie feel very happy and accepted, so thanks! xxx**

Chapter 7:

Rachel walked towards the table and was only about four feet away when Sean finally noticed her. His face already held an expression of worry and she knew it would only get worse from here. It had always been her in this position, her wondering what she'd done to drive away her partner, why they didn't want her anymore, what was so repulsive about her. It was always her who watched as the person she thought was the one walked away without a second glance. It was her who dreaded the message saying that they needed to talk. And now she was doing this to someone else. Sean wasn't a bad guy, he was one of the very few good men left. But she didn't love him. Never had. So what would be the best thing for him? Being with a woman he loved but who would never love him? Being with a woman who was dreaming about another person when they held hands, cuddled in front of the television, had sex? Or was it better to hurt him now, to make him feel like absolute shit now, to make him feel all the feelings that she had felt for all of her life now, in the hope that he would find someone that he deserved? She sat down opposite him, feeling like she had the world on her shoulders. She didn't want to make someone feel the way she had felt. She didn't want that sort of power. But she knew she had to follow through on this. Not just for her, but for him also. She looked at his face, looking for something to make this conversation easier, but there was nothing there except apprehension.

'Hi Sean.' she said simply, turning to the waitress when she approached. 'A cup of tea please.' The waitress nodded and turned on her heel, not addressing Sean as he already had coffee in front of him.

'Hey babe.' he replied, and Rachel knew he was trying to keep that familiarity in place under the illusion that maybe she wouldn't do this if she remembered his pet name for her, if she remembered their intimacy. Ugh, he wasn't making this easy for her. Then again, why should he?

'Sean, look, we have to talk. About serious stuff.' she looked around the room as she spoke in a desperate attempt to avoid his gaze, not wanting to see the emotions playing out across his face as she said what needed to be said.

'What is it?' He asked, voice small. He sounded like a little boy lost.

'Sean,' she sighed, not knowing how to word this in a nice, positive way. 'Okay, I'm just going to tell you straight. This... us...' she gestured at the space between them, as if hoping her hands would do all the explaining, 'it's just not working. I'm so sorry.' The waitress arrived, tea in hand, and placed it in front of Rachel. 'Ta.' was all Rachel could say, both grateful and annoyed at the interruption. When she turned back to Sean, he had his head in his hands.

'Why?' was all he said.

'Because we were never going to work. Honestly, how long have we known each other? How long have we hopped into each other's beds over the years?' she looked at Sean, waited for a response, and when she realized it wasn't coming, continued, 'I'm not pointing this out to hurt you. I'm just explaining that if we were ever going to work, we would have worked long before now. We're too different.'

'There's someone else, isn't there?' he suddenly jerked his head up from his hands, the accusation clear in his voice.

Shit. She didn't know how to answer this one. She didn't want to lie, like Nick and others had lied to her, but she didn't want to hurt him, make him think he wasn't good enough. In the end, she knew honesty was the way to go. He didn't deserve being lied to. 'I... I have feelings for someone else, yes. Nothing has happened between us, I told the other person involved that I didn't want to do that until you and I had had this conversation.'

'Oh, well how kind. Should I bow down to you, is that what you expect? You want me to sing your praises for not fucking someone else while we were together?' The anger was emanating from him, it showed in his eyes, making her look away in discomfort. She knew he was just doing this out of hurt, but it still wasn't nice to have such intense hatred aimed at her.

'I don't expect anything from you, Sean. I just felt you should know the truth. Sean, you're a really nice man, honestly. You are. And you're going to-' she stopped when he raised his hand.

'Don't you fucking dare.' his voice was shaking, 'Don't you DARE patronize me. Did you look up these lines on some sort of break-up website or something?'

Rachel sank in her chair, aware that a couple of other diners had started to look. 'I'm sorry. It.. it's the truth though. I just wanted you to know that.'

'Well, isn't that sublime? Anything else you just want me to know?' he almost spat in contempt as he said those words. 'I really loved... love.. you Rachel. And what, just because you've got your eyes on some new fancy man, you think it's gonna last with him? Really? I've tried my hardest with you, helping you in whichever way I can. And this is how you repay me? Running off with some other fella?'

Rachel knew that breaking the news to him that the person she was leaving him for wasn't a man at all would not be productive, and it wasn't his business anymore anyway. He would thank her for this someday, when he was married with 2.4 kids and realized that this was the best thing she could do for him. Or then again, maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he would hate her forever, but she couldn't help that. She'd tried her best, and she'd always known it would be horrible. 'I'm sorry, Sean. I really am.'

'Yeah,' he replied, bitterly. 'Me too.'

'I'm gonna go. I don't think it's doing either of us any good, me staying. I don't want to drag this out any longer than is necessary. It's not fair on you.' she kept her voice soft, wishing he could know how shitty she felt about this.

'Please, Rach... babe.. please.'

Oh dear god, Rachel could not deal with this. It was kinda like looking in on herself in situations where she'd been dumped. She wasn't strong enough to deal with this, it wasn't fair. 'I can't Sean. I'm sorry. I can't. I have to go.' she pushed the chair out from the table and stood up, trying to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes. 'Bye Sean.' she said as she walked away, only stopping briefly at the till, shoving a £5 note in the cashiers hand and walking out of the door, not being able to stand waiting there for her change. As soon as the door closed behind her, the tears fell. Not a dainty lone tear, like it would be in a film. God, no. By the time she had walked up the road she was a snotty, snivelling, sobbing wreck. People were giving her strange looks as they walked past, somehow adding more fuel to the tears that were refusing to stop. She got a cigarette out and lit it, shakily inhaling and trying to regain calm. Knowing that she couldn't stay in the middle of a pavement, providing entertainment for the passers-by, she crossed the road and walked until she reached her car in the car park. She opened the door and climbed inside, knowing that she would calm down eventually, but not exactly knowing when. She was crying for Sean, for his pain, but she was also crying for herself, for the pain she remembered acutely while she caused the same hurt to Sean that had been bestowed on her too many times. She was crying for all the times she'd been left and hurt, the very first time when she was a mere twelve years old, the perpetrator being her own mother. This meeting with Sean seemed to have knocked down the dam she had built in her mind and now everything was flooding through.

She wasn't sure how much time passed, and to be honest she didn't care, but she jumped when there was a knock on the window. Immediately feeling embarrassed, she wiped her face roughly before turning to see who the hell decided that this was an appropriate time to have her attention. To her relief, so much so that she started crying again, she saw Janet there. The only person in the world who she wanted to see right now. Rachel gestured for Janet to walk around and get in the passenger seat, and while she did so, Rachel lit up another cigarette and lowered her drivers window. Janet slid in and, without a word, pulled Rachel towards her, stroking her hair and whispering kind words in her ear. Rachel held on tightly, feeling as if Janet was her lifeboat, the only thing to keep her sinking right now. They soon parted though as Rachel needed her nicotine fix, and for once, Janet didn't mention or make a disgusted face at the fact Rachel was smoking in the car. Janet continued to wait patiently, not wanting to push Rachel, and instead just rubbed her back in a methodical way.

Soon enough, Rachel calmed down and was reduced to the occasional sniffle and sigh. She had a headache now, which wasn't helping matters, but she was sure she still had the aspirin in her bag from the other morning; she'd get a glass of water when she went inside and take two then.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered to Janet, feeling stupid and embarrassed and pathetic for allowing herself to get this upset.

'Hey... hey! Look at me,' Janet commanded, and Rachel obliged. 'You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Nothing. It's going to be okay, love. It really is.'

'How.. how did you know I was here?' Rachel suddenly wondered. She had been too upset to figure that one out before.

'Mitch was on his way back in, love, and he saw you were upset so came and let me know. I was in the office with Gill at the time.. so god know's what she's thinking. She probably thinks you're at deaths door or something, what with your supposed visit to the gyno.' she smiled gently, wanting to wipe the tears from Rachel's face, but knowing this was much too public a place to do such a thing.

'Oh god. She'll probably send me flowers and put me on leave,' Rachel tried to joke weakly. 'Mitch didn't tell the whole office, did he?' she tried so hard to be the toughie in work, spent years convincing everyone that she wasn't a crier, that no one could touch her. She didn't want all that to be undone with a piece of mindless office gossip.

'No, of course not, Rach. He wouldn't do that. He only told me because he said you looked like someone had died and he knew we were close. Is this all because of Sean?' she asked, worried that if it had this effect on her, maybe she was more attached to him than she would admit. She certainly hadn't cried this hard about Savage, and he fucked her over big time.

'Kinda. Not really. I mean, I felt awful about Sean, really I did. And I started crying because of him, but then I was crying over all that pent up emotion I had over every bastard that hurt me like that. I'm pretty selfish like that,' she said, feeling like that were true.

'Nonsense,' Janet said briskly. 'Not listening to any of that shit, lovey. It's probably a good thing you got it all out, you know? You bottle things up big time, so allowing yourself a good old cry was probably the best thing you could do.' she gave Rachel's knee a squeeze. 'Now, just to be absolutely sure, and just so you are aware you can back out of this at any time-'

'Shut up, wench!' Rachel interrupted, almost sounding like her usual self. 'It's you I want. I did this for us. So don't start winding yourself up about it all, okay? Bloody hell, we're as insecure as each other, ain't we?!'

'Yeah, yeah.' Janet replied, feeling better about the whole situation now that she knew Rachel didn't regret anything that had happened between them. She looked over at Rachel in concern. 'You okay love?'

'Yeah, I'm fine. Actually.. I'm rather excited.' and she turned to Janet with the impish smile that Janet loved.

'Excited? Why?'

'Er- tonight. You, me... all night to get acquainted. You catching my drift yet, Scott?!'

'Oh! Ohhhhh! Yes.. well.. yes!' Janet looked flushed, her face showing the desire she felt.

'Come on, you. Back to work. Can't keep everyone waiting can we? Like you say... the sooner we start, the sooner we finish. And I for one can't WAIT to finish.' she winked as she wound up her window and got out of the car. She refused to feel sorry for herself anymore. She'd had her little wallow and she wasn't prepared to keep that up. That's how people fell, and she'd fallen too many times to let it happen again.

xxx

'Rachel.' Gill's voice rang through the office. She never asked Rachel in, there was never a question in her tone, which probably would have been more inviting, instead it was an order, as in 'get in my office right now'. Then again, it wouldn't have sounded right if she approached her team differently.

Rachel had been in the office for about twenty minutes and was certain that Janet was right about Mitch not spreading like wild-fire the fact that Rachel had had a bit of a funny turn as Kevin was still being his usual obnoxious self, and Pete (probably the most kind-hearted of the men) hadn't come to see if she was alright. When she heard Gill calling for her, she hastily stood up, glanced briefly at Janet, and headed to her office.

'Alright boss?' she asked when they were both inside the office.

'Yes.. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.' Gill replied, her voice laced with her rarely shown warmth.

Rachel felt weirdly guilty about Gill probably thinking the worst. Godzilla rarely allowed people to witness her more sensitive side, Rachel felt as if it were being wasted on her, as if Gill only had a limited supply of niceness and one of her offerings were being squandered away. 'I'm fine, ma'am. Thank you, though.'

'Are you sure? Did your... appointment go okay? You know you can tell me if something is wrong, Rachel. I will help you as much as I can.' Gill leant forward and smiled, which probably unnerved Rachel more than anything else.

'It was fine. I was upset about something else. Sorry I got upset at work, boss.'

'Rachel, I know how I'm viewed around here. The scary dragon who is basically a bitch. And that's okay, I don't mind it because it means my team works to their highest abilities, afraid of the consequences if they don't. Well, apart from Kevin of course, though maybe making paper airplanes IS his highest ability.' she pondered that for a moment before continuing with her speech, 'What I want to say is that if you have a problem, you can come to me. Anytime. You're one of the best officers I have ever had. I know I'm harsh on you sometimes, but it's only because I KNOW you can do better at times, and I know you just need a push. I won't ask anything more about what's happened today, I just want you to know that I do care, even if I don't show it all the time.'

Rachel literally stared at Gill for what felt like forever, unable to digest this long declaration of nice-ness.

'Quit gawking Bailey. And if you even think about telling anyone else about this, I will come down on you HARD. I promise you that.' Rachel continued to stare, feeling shocked at how the day had turned out so far. 'Piss off, get out of here.' Gill said firmly, fully putting a lid on the brief moment of softness that she'd put on display.

Rachel finally got the picture and, in a daze it seemed, headed back to her desk, where she sat down and shot a couple of glances back at her boss through the glass who now appeared to be back to her Godzilla self, shouting at some poor bastard down the phone.

xxx

'Will someone, please, update me on what the hell has been going on?' Rachel moaned, immediately feeling embarrassed at how... boss-like she sounded. She was just frustrated that she'd been back for a while now, the office had been alive in a flurry of activity, and she still didn't know what developments - if any - that they'd had.

'Basically, Natasha has admitted being part of the murder. She said that Nicki had instigated it because Jacqueline had slept with her boyfriend and she wanted revenge. They lured Jackie back to Natasha's flat and partook in torturing her. As you know, we didn't tell Natasha about the burns found on the victim's body, and Natasha freely gave the information that her and Nicki had put out cigarettes on Jackie's body. We spoke to Nicki, telling her what Natasha had said, she broke down and said that Natasha was the one who instigated it because she wanted to punish her for sleeping with Nicki's boyfriend. So it's a bit of a who's who, in regards to the mystery of who actually was the main perpetrator. We'll soon find out, I guess, when it goes to court.' Mitch said, pausing his current task of searching for something on his computer.

'Fucking hell.' Rachel spluttered. 'Of course, no wonder you've all been busy, sorting out all that paperwork. I'm assuming you've charged both girls with murder? Apart from that is there any other developments?'

'Yeah, we've charged them both, so just waiting for that to be sorted. As for other news, we're still confused as to how Jonson's trainer was placed at the scene. Both girls have blamed each other and not even mentioned Jonson's name throughout the interviews, so we need to get to the bottom of that. We're in the process of re-arresting Jonson. If we tell him both of the girls have confessed all maybe he'll crack and tell us what he knows.'

'Right. Sarge?' she called across the room, not unlike the way the rest of the staff called after the new DS.

'Yeah? What's up?' Janet was across the room at the printer, hence the shouting match going across the room.

'Can I interview Jonson?' Rachel asked, feeling slightly left out of the proceedings and not liking it.

'You were assigned to that anyway, why don't you check the rota?!' Janet replied, not wanting to come across as favouritising Rachel. The entire office thought that Gill favoured Janet and she knew that they treated her differently because of that, apart from Rachel who thought that ripping the piss out of Janet was the way to go.

'Sorry, sarge.' Rachel said, feeling a bit silly for not checking in the first place.

'Not a problem, Bailey' she replied, trying to keep up the banter which was pretty difficult to do, seeming as every time she looked at Rachel her stomach flipped, her every sense heightened in anticipation of the night to come. Aside from that, she felt pretty excited anyway as it was Friday and hopefully, unless a major crisis happened at work, both her and Rachel would have the weekend off, the first one in weeks. Bringing herself out of her happy daydreaming she glanced around and saw everyone getting in each other's way as the entire team ran around like headless chickens. 'Alright, everyone,' she said in a clear, authoritative voice. They all paused and looked her way. 'Let's take five minutes out to chill. Rachel can you put the kettle on? Kevin where are the cookies I sent you out to get earlier?' Kevin looked up, an expression of guilt on his face. 'Kevin..' Janet repeated, sternly. 'If you've eaten them all, I'm not going to be happy.'

'There's still a couple left,' he muttered, a faint line of crumbs and chocolate framing his upper lip.

'And how many were in the packet originally?'

'Five..'

'Kevin...'

'Fine, seven..'

'Kevin!'

'Alright! God! There were twelve, but I was hungry!' he said, petulantly.

'Ugh, you're such a pig! It's alright guys, I've got some in my drawer so help yourselves.' Rachel called from the kettle area. Kevin was the first to make a bee-line for it.

'Are you serious, Kevin?! You're not having any more, so don't even think about it, greedy sod.' Janet shook her head. It really was like having a kid in the office.

xxx

Rachel stormed out of the interview room with Mitch close on her heels. Jonson still wasn't talking, and it was really starting to piss her off now. She wished it could be like it was portrayed in the films or on television, where she would go in, slam her hand down on the table and rant at him until he told her everything. The reality of it was very different, which had upset her when she'd first found that out in the beginning of her training. They were told to be gentle, open, not to express negative emotions, so that there was no way anything could be misconstrued when it went to court. However, today, with this man who remained resolutely passive and kept quiet except to repeat that he had nothing to do with it, she really wanted to scream at him, give him a bit of a shock. Hence her storming out of the room after almost an hour of going around in circles with him.

'Alright, mate?' Mitch asked, seeing the strain that Rachel felt.

'Yeah. Yeah, just... fucking hell. What are we missing? We've got the girls, we just need this and it's mystery solved, but he's not giving us anything!' She was leant against the wall in the corridor just outside of the interview room, looking thoroughly fed up.

'I know, I know. Just gotta keep trying I guess.' Mitch sounded as despondent as she felt.

'Yep. Right now though, I'm going out for a cigarette.' she straightened up, gave a brief smile to Mitch and headed outside into the rather cold weather.

After her cigarette she went back upstairs to the office. There was only her, Janet and Pete in the office at the moment, everyone else was out and about running errands.

'Forensics just called. It was definitely the same belt. DNA all over it.' Pete looked triumphant.

'Good. Bet Gill was pleased, wasn't she?' she glanced into Gill's office and could see her on the phone with a smile on her face... probably speaking to her best mate Julie.

'Yep. We're all going out for a drink after work, Gill's paying.' Pete replied. 'Be nice, won't it?'

Rachel and Janet both looked at each other with a huge feeling of disappointment uniting them. Pete picked up on the change in mood and looked around confused.

'Yeah, yeah that's great.' Rachel managed a weak smile. 'Just fancied an early night, y'know?'

'Ah, it'll be fine. It'll probably only be a couple of drinks and that'll be it.' Janet said hopefully. She turned when Pete snorted.

'Er- she said that she was getting hammered and then mentioned something cryptic about a repeat of the Sound of Music escapade or something or another.' he looked confused as he remember their exchange earlier. 'I don't know. She's getting on a bit, probably just rambling on. But she is intent on having a good time. I reckon it'll be a laugh. And not having to pay either? Gonna be a good'un.' he sauntered over to the printer merrily.

Any other time, Rachel would bloody jump at the chance of a free night on the piss. Although she wouldn't admit it to anyone else, she really loved seeing Gill drunk and hoped each time that Gill would do something funny, so that when they next saw each other it wouldn't be Rachel feeling all awkward for once. But tonight, she really didn't want to have to go to the pub with everyone and listen to, and be expected to participate in, their chatter. She wanted to go home with her girlfriend (it still felt weird thinking of Janet as her girlfriend) and spend a rather delicious evening with her. One glance at Janet told her that she felt the same way. She sighed, there was no making excuses to Godzilla, it would be worse than rejecting an invitation for tea with the queen. They'd just have to grin and bear it. Hell, maybe all the waiting would make it even more electric. She smiled at that thought, winked at Janet and went in search of her biscuits, which, of course, were in one of Kevin's drawers.

Janet sat down at her desk, sneaking a look at Rachel bent over at Kevin's desk, muttering all sorts of profanities. She allowed her brain to drift over the memory of this morning, of laying there with Rachel in bed, and a smile spread across her face. She thought of the weekend ahead and felt her muscles contracting in the pit of her stomach in anticipation. She bit her lip causing Rachel to stare at her hungrily which she was unaware of, and crossed her legs trying to refocus and at the same quell the lust that was roaring through her. She really was acting like a bloody teenager. She was a grown woman who had been married for... well, way too bloody long, had 2 kids, and yet here she was thinking about having Rachel on the office floor. She flushed and tried to look busy.

Mitch came into the office and approached Janet, thinking that she looked rather distracted but continued with what he wanted to say. 'Sarge, I was wondering if we could talk to the girls again, you know, about Jonson? He's not talking at all, maybe they will if we can make them understand that if they say nothing, they'll be taking the full rap for this.'

Janet looked up from the paperwork in front of her, the same paperwork that she had been staring blindly at for the past few minutes and asked Mitch to repeat his question. Once he did, she looked at him thoughtfully.'Yeah, but hold off for a bit. What time is it?' She glanced down at her watch. 'Bloody hell, it's 5.15. Where's the day gone? Okay, er- yeah you can try and set that up now if you want. You might wanna check with Gill first though, I don't know if she's going to leave it for the officers to do tomorrow.'

As if waiting for the perfect time to make her entrance, Gill swanned in as soon as Janet had finished replying. 'Mitch, leave Jonson. He can stew overnight. Now, where is everyone?' she looked around and noticed Lee and Kevin were absent.

'They're in the disclosures office.' Janet answered, looking around the room herself as if checking that they hadn't suddenly appeared. 'Do you want me to call up and get them down here?'

'Yes. Tell them to finish what they're doing and come down please. Call me when they're here.' and with that she turned and headed back into her office, sat at her desk and re-applied her lipstick, gearing herself up for a good few drinks and mentally making a note to tell Janet to keep her away from the karaoke.

xxx

'Right girls and boys,' Gill started. Everyone was present now and looking at Gill expectantly. 'Firstly, well done on all your hard work lately, I know it's been a struggle but I really am... proud... of the standard of your work. As you are aware, a few of you have the weekend off, and I want to reassure those affected that I will try my hardest to respect your time off. Unless there is some sort of crisis, you will be left well alone. Now, enough of that boring shite, you're all free for the day. And... we're going to the pub for drinks on me.' The team cheered in response, knowing this was the reaction Gill wanted. For the most part they were pretty chuffed though. It was nice to be praised in this line of work especially while working on a difficult case like this. And especially by Gill. They all respected her and wanted her approval, so when they got it, it lifted their spirits.

xxx

Twenty minutes later, Rachel and Janet were heading out of the station's main doors and into the rather chilly car park. The rest of the team had already headed to the pub whereas both Rachel and Janet had nipped to the toilets to touch up their make-up. Although they had hoped for a sneaky kiss, this idea was quickly quashed as officers from the floor below them seemed to think this was a perfect opportunity for them all to use the loo also.

'How long do you think we have to stay before we can leave without receiving a bollocking from Godzilla?' Rachel asked, almost jogging to keep up with Janet as both women were cold.

'I don't know, love. You know how she is. I think it's good of her to do this for us, it only happens about once a year.' Janet replied, hugging her jacket closer to her, trying to fight off the chill.

'You know me.. I would never usually say no to a good knees up, especially when Gill's paying, but there are... um... more pressing issues that I feel need to be addressed tonight.' with that, Rachel grabbed Janet's arm, twisted her around and planted a swift kiss on her lips before continuing to walk ahead. 'Come on slowcoach,' she called behind her, 'I thought you were cold!'

xxx

'.. and then he sat on the chicken!' Mitch ended his funny tale spluttering with laughter and his colleagues giggled along with him. They'd been in the pub for coming up to three hours and had all managed to put away a lot of drink. The atmosphere was light and the team enjoyed some banter.

'Riiiiiiiiight you lot. Another?' Gill asked, trying not to think of how much money she'd spent so far tonight and wondering if they were all immune to alcoholic, the amount they'd all had.

'A fosters!' Pete grinned.

'Vodka and tonic!' Janet exclaimed.

'Budweiser!' Mitch yelled.

'Strongbow!' Lee slurred.

'Vodka and orange!' Rachel screeched.

'Gin and tonic!' Kevin said demurely, immediately receiving another bout of jeers from the rest.

'Fucking hell, alright woman!' Gill said to Kevin, sticking her tongue out in an uncharacteristic way. 'Rach you'll have to help me carry these back to my fellow alcoholics.' Rachel stood up, swayed slightly, and went to join her boss at the bar.

'This is so nice of you ma'am' Rachel hiccupped slightly, wondering why the hell she had dreaded this gathering. 'You're a very nice woman!'

'So are you. You..' Gill pointed wildly at her officer, '.. are very good, Bailey. You may be thick as shit sometimes, but you know what? I like ya, kid.' They both cackled, enjoying this drunken conversation, unaware of just how pissed they actually were. The bartender approached them then, and Gill passed on the drinks request after running back to her table halfway through her order for reminders.

'I..' Rachel was whispering with a conspiratorial look on her face, 'I call you... Godzilla. Because.. well, I don't remember. I think it's cos you can be a bitch. But I take it all back!' her voice now crept louder. 'Now I shall call you Gill Murray, my best friend in the whole wide fucking WORLD!'

'Yes!' Gill threw an arm over Rachel's shoulders. 'Do you want to come to tea one night next week?'

'Fuck yeah!' Rachel had a tear in her eye at the joy of it all. 'Let's get take-out!'

All the drinks were poured then and, after Gill had paid the barman and left a rather generous or ridiculous (depends which way you looked at it) tip, they carried the drinks back, greeted by some merry cheers. As Rachel went to sit down, she noticed Janet wasn't at the table. Suddenly feeling it was of upmost importance that she found her, Rachel sauntered over to the ladies toilets. As she pushed open the door, she checked the cubicles, only one was occupied and so she stood in front of the mirror, marvelling at her bloodshot eyes. The toilet flushed and Janet opened the cubicle door, spotted Rachel and giving her a small smile before heading to the sink and washing her hands.

'You are looking fine!' Rachel said as she looked Janet up and down. Janet giggled self-consciously and tucked a strand of wayward hair behind her ear.

'Thanks hon. It's a good night isn't it?' she responded, all of a sudden feeling quite breathless under Rachel's gaze.

Rachel didn't hear Janet's question. Whether this was selective hearing or not, she didn't know, all she knew was that she really.. really.. wanted Janet. Janet, having picked up on Rachel's sudden spike of lust, shifted back until she was leant against the wall and waited to see if her girlfriend would make the next move. Alcohol had lowered both of their inhibitions and the fact they were in a pub, with their colleagues, didn't seem that important. Rachel took one look at Janet, her back against the wall, her lips slightly parted, her breathing hitched, and stepped forward until she was right in front of her. Rachel could feel her muscles clench as desire coursed through her, and she pressed her lips firmly against Janet's. Janet responded out of sexual need and immediately slipped her tongue into Rachel's mouth, their tongues dancing tenderly at first, but picking up speed and enthusiasm as the seconds passed. Rachel placed one knee between Janet's legs and allowed it to travel upward until it was wedged tight between Janet's inner thighs, watching as Janet let out a sharp gasp and grinded fiercely against her, creating friction and causing Janet's eyes to flutter at the feelings such movement created. Her hands pulled the tucked in shirt out of Janet's skirt and Rachel let her fingertips travel over Janet's naked waist until she found her bra clad breasts. With the pleasure of it all, Janet pulled away from Rachel's eager lips only to continue harsh, but very sexy, kisses along Rachel's jawline and then her neck. Both women moaned and panted, not caring about where they were, as long as this could continue. Janet's hands were everywhere all at once. They flitted between the small of Rachel's back to the base of her neck applying force to try and get Rachel as close as possible. Their gasps accentuated the air, their lusty sweat mingled and still they continued, Janet still furiously moving against Rachel's knee, Rachel with her head thrown back, throatily groaning at the kisses on her neck.

If they hadn't been interrupted by the toilets door opening, who knows where it would have ended up. As it was, though, the ladies let go of each other and by the time the other female had turned the corner to where the sinks, mirrors and cubicles were, Janet and Rachel were a couple of feet apart from one another. The stranger looked at them both, a small smile playing across her lips before wordlessly entering the cubicle and closing the door behind her. Rachel and Janet grinned at each other, both panting heavily and each turning to look in the mirror, Janet also tucking her shirt back into her skirt as she did so. Oh wow, they both looked wild-eyed, with lipstick smeared over their faces and, in Rachel's case, down her neck and over her jaw. Rachel wetted a paper towel and set about trying to hide any traces of evidence of what had just occurred and Janet followed suit.

They were still trying to get their breathing back to normal when the unknown girl came out of the cubicle and washed her hands. 'Looks like you two are having a good night!' she smiled as she left the room leaving Janet and Rachel alone once more.

'Christ, that was... wow.' Janet looked at Rachel wearing an expression of awe. 'What an earth came over you then?' She was still tingling and her lips felt slightly swollen, not that she was complaining. At all.

'Just the hold you have over me, I guess.' Rachel grinned, her heart going haywire. 'Though maybe I should try and exert some self-restraint.. when we're in a public place anyway.'

The door opened again, Gill this time carrying their drinks. 'Where have you beeeen?' she asked petulantly. 'I was stuck with the boys talking about... boy stuff. And Kevin who was talking about his love of lego and coco pops.' she slurred, leaning drunkenly against the sinks.

'Just came in here for a breather,' Janet said airily before Rachel had the chance to put her foot in it. 'It's been a good night, Gill, was saying that to Rach just now.' She had a swig of her vodka.

'It has, hasn't it? It's about to get better! They're setting up the karaoke! I think... I think I'm going to try some Eminem. Gotta live on the wild side. Maybe I'll find out why all these kids seem to fawn over him.'

'Gill..' Janet warned. 'No. No karaoke for you.' She glanced at Rachel who was stifling a drunken giggle.

'But.. but.. don't be so mean! You're one of my closest friends, don't be nasty!' Gill looked genuinely upset, the alcohol taking complete control of her.

'It's BECAUSE I'm your friend that I'm not letting you do it. God, you seem to revert to being a child when you're pissed!'

'How very dare you.. how rude can-' she hiccupped, ruining her denial of being drunk. She blew a raspberry. 'Oh! Shall we go clubbing? We can be like those young things who basically run around in their underwear! It'll be fun! Oh.. pleeeeeeease?'

Rachel, who was just now laughing at her boss, turned to Janet. 'Can we? Don't be a meanie! Please? Godzilla is right! Seriously..' she turned to Gill, 'how come I never knew you were fun before? You're fucking amazing!' and with that, she downed the two drinks, flung an arm around Gill's shoulders and they both proceeded to give pleading looks to Janet.

'What is WRONG with you two?' she said in exasperation though she couldn't help the smile on her face. She'd been interspersing her vodkas with water as she knew that the night would end with her probably having to practically carry Rachel who never knew when to stop drinking. She still felt pretty tipsy, just not as hammered as the two supposed adult women in front of her, who were now hugging each other tightly and talking about feta cheese. 'Okay, time for bed I think. Come on, we'll share a taxi. Don't fret about your car Gill, I've got mine at home so we'll pick you up tomorrow and you can pick it up from work then.' Gill didn't seem to be fretting at all as she asked Rachel for a piggy back. 'No! Come on, let's go! You're both drunk as skunks. Rachel! Put her down right NOW!'

They left the toilets and returned to the table where the men were. They all looked pretty worse for wear, and Kevin had actually fallen asleep. 'Right lads, we're off.' Janet said, feeling pretty pleased with herself for being able to talk with almost no slur. 'We'll see you Monday if we're lucky and don't get called in. Thanks for a good night. Can one of you get Kevin home to his mother's? I don't want another call at 3am from her wondering where he is.'

Rachel and Gill waved rather ferociously at the boys, causing all of them to giggle and shout jolly bye's to one another. As they left the bar - it took them a while as Gill tried to nick the microphone from the stage while shouting profanities... when asked why, she simply said she was 'doing that M&S bloke', it took a few moments to realize she meant Eminem.. - the cold air hit Janet and she found herself unsteady on her feet, suddenly feeling the fair amount of alcohol she'd consumed. They traipsed down the street and into the kebab shop before hailing a taxi and settling in for the ride home. When they pulled up outside Gill's house, she hopped out waving frantically. Janet and Rachel waited for her to open the door - it took a while - and get inside before driving off. They held hands and giggled like kids and soon enough they were home.

After paying the driver, they tumbled out of the taxi and made their rather unsteady way to Rachel's flat. As soon as they got in they devoured their kebabs, leaving the containers on the side to clear in the morning and Janet poured them both a glass of water. 'Come on, sexy. Bed time.'

Rachel staggered to the bedroom closely followed by Janet and collapsed on the bed. After some gentle prodding and maneuvering, Janet finally managed to get Rachel in a comfortable position, get changed and climbed into bed beside her, turning out the light when she got settled. 'Good night, sweetheart.' she whispered softly to an already asleep Rachel, curling up to her and falling into a very contented sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks again for the two awesome reviewers who have given me the motivation to keep writing this story. This chapter is mostly Rachel and Janet, with a dash of Gill. I hope you enjoy it. Please review :) xxx**

Chapter 8

At first, Rachel didn't know what had caused her to wake up. It was some sort of noise but in her sleepy haze, she couldn't quite name it. It was so dark that when she opened her eyes she still couldn't see anything, just hear the quick, panicked breath. The bed beneath her seemed to be moving which confused Rachel further. She reached to turn on the lamp, her job making her alert in most situations and turned over where her eyes lay upon Janet. Something was wrong with her, but Rachel for an endless moment didn't know what that may be. Janet seemed to be asleep, but her body was producing jerky movements, her face held an expression of angst, and tears were streaking down her cheeks. The noises Rachel had heard were Janet's gasps which were interspersed with quiet mutterings that she couldn't quite make out. For a few seconds - though it felt like much longer - Rachel was in a dreamlike daze not really knowing what to think or how to act. Fortunately, her senses kicked in and she realized that Janet was having a nightmare. As soon as she knew this, she shifted up closer to Janet and began to try and coax her out of her sleep. 'Jan? Janet? Come on, love, it's me. It's Rach. You're okay, you're going to be okay. Come on honey, wake up for me, yeah?' It didn't seem to be working, Janet seemed to be trapped in this bad dream, and Rachel was reluctant to touch her in case it made her worse. 'Janet!' she said louder, hating the frightened expression on Janet's face. 'Wake UP! Come on, love. You're here, with me, it's okay.' Her voice rose with every word, and finally Janet looked to be waking up. Feeling more able to now, Rachel slid her arm beneath Janet and pulled her closer, gently stroking her hair back with her free hand.

'What..? Is it..?' As Janet opened her eyes, she looked wildly around, unable to control the tremors that were racking her body. 'I..' she trailed off once more, the tears still flowing forcefully, panic engulfing her.

'Shhhhh,' Rachel whispered into the top of her head. 'Calm down, sweetheart. It's okay. It's okay.' Rachel's mind wandered off as she continued to try and physically comfort Janet, and she thought of how weird it was that these endearments were rolling off her tongue. She never used terms like 'sweetheart' or 'honey', but with Janet it came naturally. The thought warmed her slightly, maybe she wasn't a cynical old bitch after all.. well, not all the time anyway.

Janet's breathing started to slow, her eyes ceasing its inspection of her surroundings, and she held Rachel tightly, feeling comforted in her arms.

After a few minutes, Rachel disturbed the silence. 'Are you okay, love? Is there anything I can do?'

'Er- no. It's enough that you're here, thank you. Sorry about that. I'm fine now.' Janet replied, her voice sounding small and weary.

'What was that about? Do you want to talk about it?'

'Um, do you.. do you mind if I don't right now? It was just a bad dream. That's all. Nothing to worry about.'

Rachel frowned slightly, though Janet couldn't see it from where she lay. 'Of course, hon. As long as you're okay, that's all that matters. Do you think you can get back to sleep, or shall we go into the living room and watch some TV for a while?' Rachel was exhausted, but she knew she would stay up as long as Janet needed her.

'No, it's okay. I'm tired, and I'm guessing you are too. Let's just sleep.' Janet pulled herself out of Rachel's arms, lifted her head and kissed Rachel tenderly on the lips before turning over on her side away from Rachel and pulling her girlfriend's arm around her waist.

'Night, sweetheart.' Rachel whispered in Janet's ear, holding her gently and waiting to hear her even breathing that would signal she was asleep. Soon enough Janet was asleep, and Rachel relaxed her grip and laid on her back, the room gently lit by the lamp still shining unobtrusively on the bedside cabinet. After a few minutes she realized her mind wasn't shutting off - sod's law - so she got up, grabbed her phone and padded into the kitchen. Looking up at the clock, she saw that it was 3.40am. Sighing, Rachel pulled a cigarette out of the packet, lit it, and opened the kitchen window. Her head was banging and she felt nauseous, which she knew was because of the pure amount of bloody alcohol that she had insisted on swigging through the night. After she finished her cigarette, she closed the window, headed to the cupboard where she retrieved some paracetamol, moved over to the sink and got a glass of water and then took the tablets, hoping this would fend off any hangover that she might have experienced in the morning. With that, she tip-toed back to bed, resuming her position holding Janet and allowed sleep to take her.

xxx

'Rach?' Janet said gently, smoothing back Rachel's hair and hoping that this tender approach would wake her up.

'Ugh!' Rachel responded, rolling away from the touch and pulling the duvet in tighter.

Janet laughed. 'You're worse than Elise in the mornings, and that's saying something. Come on, missus, it's almost midday.'

Rachel slowly turned back, blinking furiously at the sunlight that painfully confronted her tired eyes. 'Midday?' she croaked. 'What day is it?'

'It's Saturday, don't worry. But you need to get your arse out of bed because we need to pick up Gill and then you both can get your cars from work. Come on, I've bought you a cup of tea.'

'Tea? Very nice! Could get used to this!' Rachel said a midst a rather huge yawn, sitting up in bed and looking at Janet.

'Don't get any ideas! Just thought you might be a bit.. dehydrated.. after your drinking session last night.' she smirked, handing the tea over before leaning forward to give Rachel a lingering kiss.

'Oh God. Last night. I barely remember anything.' Rachel paused, racking her brains for some sort of clue as to what she'd got up to the night before. She instinctively checked her hands. 'It doesn't look like I punched anything, but just to be safe.. did I?'

'No, silly sod. You didn't. You just got hammered, which isn't much of a change from usual is it?!' Janet joked, watching as Rachel stuck out her tongue and had a sip of tea.

'Mmm... nice. How come you never get a hangover? My head is pounding, but look at you! You're dressed and everything!'

'Um, I'm not only dressed, I've showered, I've tidied up the place, I've done my make-up. Nothing left to do but wake you, lazy bones! And as for my lack of hangovers, it's because I drink sensibly. You should read up on it sometime!' she rolled her eyes, though was unable to hide her smile.

'Hardy har, little miss joke-a-minute. Have you phoned Gill to tell her we'll be coming over soon?' The tea was making Rachel feel a bit more human, and she wanted to get the boring jobs out of the way - letting Gill get her car being one of those jobs - and spend as much time as she could with her partner.

'Yeah.. no answer. But I told her last night that we would, so she's probably expecting us. Get a shower and while you're doing that, I'll sort the washing out. I wanna give the kids a ring as well to see how they're doing.' While saying this, Janet pulled the duvet off of Rachel and stood back to allow room for Rachel to get up.

'Okay, okay, I'm getting up! Oh, tell the kids I say hello, will you?' Rachel responded as she stood up, feeling the chill hit her and shivering slightly. 'Can you hold off on the washing until I get in the shower? I can't believe I didn't get unchanged last night, I must have been pissed. Gross.'

'Ha. Yeah of course, love. Just throw them outside of the bathroom before you get in the shower and I'll sort them out.' She picked up Rachel's mug, planted another kiss upon Rachel's lips and left the room.

xxx

'I thought you said she'd be expecting us?' Rachel hissed under her breath, giving Janet a questioning look.

'I thought she would be! She doesn't have her car, she couldn't have gone anywhere! I'll ring the bell again, if we don't get an answer, I'll call her home phone.' Janet replied.

They were stood outside of Gill's house, unable to get a response. Even if Gill wasn't in, both ladies were confused as to why Sammy hadn't opened the door.

'Oooh.. do you think something's happened?' Rachel asked, her mind going immediately to the worst case scenario.

'Don't be stupid! Course not! I'll ring her phone. Hang on.'

Two minutes later they heard footsteps and the door opened, revealing Gill, who looked rather like Rachel felt. 'What bloody time is it?' Gill asked, bleary-eyed.

'It's 1pm.' Janet said simply, waiting for Gill to take a step back so that she and Rachel could enter. 'Put the kettle on and we'll wait in the kitchen while you get yourself sorted.' Rachel never knew how Janet could talk with such ease when in conversation with Godzilla. She was almost jealous, mostly because she knew that she would never, not in a million years, be able to have that sort of camaraderie with her boss. Even when she attempted it, she ended up looking like a tit.

Gill sighed and led her colleagues into the kitchen - Rachel felt like she was entering somewhere out-of-bounds, like a teacher's house or something. She watched as Godzilla flicked on the kettle, pulled three cups out of the dishwasher and grabbed the milk out of the fridge. 'Sammy's gone into town to meet Orla. He left me a note. Right. Sort these out yourselves. I'll be back down soon.' Gill reached for her handbag, pulling out some aspirin while Rachel nodded to herself sagely.. at least there was one thing they had in common.

xxx

'Fucking hell, last night.. I'm probably skint today.' Gill muttered to the two women, all of them staring into their drinks, hands wrapped around the mugs.

'You know that when you offer everyone a free night out your pocket is definitely going to suffer. Especially with this team, we can all put a good load of alcohol away.' Janet smiled, feeling a tiny bit smug that she clearly didn't feel anywhere near as bad as the ladies she was with. People might call her a bit of a humbug, but spreading her drinks through the night really was a good idea.

'What exactly happened last night?' Gill looked at each woman in turn, feeling slightly nervous, knowing that when she didn't remember the night before she usually regretted finding out the events.

'Yeah! What DID happen?' Rachel piped up, having fruitlessly tried to pump Janet for information all through the car journey over to Gill's.

'Ha! You're both disgraceful!' Janet grinned, getting ready to launch herself into the tales of the night before. 'Okay, so YOU..' she pointed to Rachel, 'spent most of the night putting the world to rights with Kevin.' Rachel looked at her in disbelief. 'Well, when I say put the world to rights, you were basically both sat there for almost 2 hours trying to discover if it was the chicken or the egg which came first.' She couldn't hold back her giggle, remembering snippets of the conversation Rachel and Kevin had shared. When she got herself together again she almost told Rachel about their.. meeting.. in the bathroom before luckily remembering not to in front of Gill, instead making a mental note to remind Rachel later. She looked over to Gill and saw her gazing back, the apprehension clear on her face. 'You were smashed,' Janet said, knowing that her boss was preparing herself for the worst. 'You tried to get me to let you perform karaoke. Luckily for YOU, someone had their wits about them and didn't let you. Then you were on about clubbing, which Rachel jumped on with pissed excitement.' Rachel and Gill looked at each other with a slight sense of embarrassment. 'Honestly, the pair of you were acting like idiots, you almost walked back through the pub on Rachel's back because you wanted a piggy-back. I wouldn't smirk Rach, it was only when I told you to put her down that you did. You thought it was a fab idea!' Janet smiled again, loving the fact that she knew no one had dish to dirt on her. 'Oh, and Gill?' Gill raised her head slightly, cheeks flushed at the information her DS had just departed. 'You almost got yourself a criminal record. You tried to steal the karaoke microphone while swearing profusely.. apparently you were impersonating Eminem. I had to tell the manager that you weren't very well and promise him that I wouldn't let you set foot in there again.'

'Oh dear God,' Gill started, looking mortified. 'If either of you tell ANYONE about this, I will hunt you down.' She stared pointedly at Rachel, who was chuckling quietly.

'Er- Gill. We won't have to tell anyone. About the last part at least. Everyone could hear you shouting when you tried nicking that mic.' Janet replied, desperately trying not to smile. 'It's a good job we didn't go to our usual pub last night, I have a feeling you might be barred from this one.'

'Oh, fucking hell.' Gill groaned, having another gulp of her strong coffee. 'Let's just hope the rest of those mugs at work will have been as pissed as me and don't remember how much of a twat I looked. Right,' she set her now empty cup down, wincing at the thud it made against the wooden table. 'Let's go get our cars.'

xxx

'See you later, boss.' Rachel called, not receiving any indication that Gill had heard though not getting a reply didn't exclusively mean that Godzilla was out of earshot. 'That woman is so RUDE!' Rachel whispered to Janet, watching as Gill's car left the car park.

'She's not rude, it's just the way she is.' Janet placated, as she usually did. 'Now, is there any point in bringing your car home? We can ride to work together on Monday, and you can drive it home after work then.'

'Yeah, okay then.' She replied as she got back into Janet's car. When Janet was in also, she looked over at her. 'Did you see Gill's face when you told her about that microphone? That is priceless!'

Janet laughed. 'Yeah, sure is. I'm kinda used to being the messenger of the night before when it comes to you two though. It's good, it makes me remember why I shouldn't get too drunk.'

Rachel stuck her tongue out. 'I wasn't that bad, considering. Thanks for looking after me.'

Janet put the car into action and glanced fleetingly at Rachel. She placed her hand on Rachel's knee. 'Well.. there WAS something I didn't tell Gill.'

When Rachel looked over to Janet, she could see the grin on her face. 'Oh shit. What did I do?'

'WE...' Janet started, 'Got a little bit..' she was enjoying dragging this out, 'hot..' her hand moved up Rachel's leg slightly, 'and heavy..' further up again, 'in the toilets.' it was now mid-thigh, Janet's hand curling around and her fingers pressed between Rachel's jean-clad inner thighs.

For a moment, Rachel couldn't speak. Her eyes closed and her heart started racing at the feel of Janet's hand, the intimacy of her touch. 'Did- did we?' her voice seemed particularly breathy, but for once, she didn't care.

Janet noted her girlfriend's change of tone and sneaked a glance at her face before quickly returning her eyes to the road ahead, her free hand placed firmly on the steering wheel, a smile on her face. 'Mhmm,' she replied, her hand mover higher up Rachel's thighs. 'We did. It was..' her hand could go no further now. It was wedged tight, and she could feel Rachel try to get some friction while attempting to feign nonchalance '.. nice. You don't hold back once you've had a drink, love.' She pushed her hand as far as she could into the apex of Rachel's thighs, hearing Rachel respond with a sharp gasp, seeing Rachel's eyes fly open with a look of poorly-disguised lust, before removing her hand and placing it to join her other one on the wheel.

Any headache that Rachel had just had was now long gone, or at the very least it didn't register with her at the moment. Her body felt as if it were on fire, her heart was pounding rather erratically and her mouth was bone-dry. When she felt able, she turned her head and looked at Janet, her eyes hooded with desire. 'Wha-' she croaked, cleared her voice, and tried again. 'What was that?!' Janet kept her eyes on the road ahead, biting on her lower lip in an attempt to stifle the grin that was fighting to spread over her face. Rachel looked out the window and saw, with glee, that they were almost home. Thank God, she didn't think she could last much longer.

'Pay back for last night' Janet said softly, not trusting herself to speak at a normal decibel for fear that her voice would give away just how much she wanted her girlfriend right now. 'Not that I had any complaints, mind you.'

At any other time, Rachel would have probably blushed but in this moment, she just sank back into the passenger seat and tried to calm herself down while briefly giving Janet's leg a squeeze. The atmosphere in the car was thick with sexual tension. How it could change from normal conversation to this sort of dense emotion in less than a couple of minutes, and just with a few touches, neither woman could fathom. 'You'll er-..' Rachel's voice was still sounding husky, 'You'll have to remind me. I have a spectacularly vivid memory of being pressed against the wall with you, but you'll have to fill me in on the details.. please.'

'How about I show you when we get inside?' Janet giggled, hardly believing her daring. She wasn't exactly a spring chicken, she had never contemplated sex with a woman before Rachel, yet here she was, making laviscious remarks as if she did so every day. It was remarkable really. It was also pretty remarkable at how well she was driving, given the circumstances. The only logic to it must be that she was so used to driving this route now that she was almost certain she'd be able to do it blindfolded if that were ever required, though she certainly hoped she wouldn't ever have to find out for sure.

Rachel giggled at this teasing, highly charged bantering her and Janet were having, though the laughter stopped short as Janet pulled up against her building and her heart started picking up speed again. As soon as the ignition was turned off, both Rachel and Janet wordlessly got out of the car, and Janet followed Rachel through the main building door and they reached the flat front door. Rachel suddenly started fumbling with the keys, her excitement causing her to shake slightly, and it took a minute or so for her to get it open. As soon as she did, Janet nudged her through the door and when they were both in the hallway, Rachel spun around to face her girlfriend and gently pushed her back, effectively closing the door at the same time. As soon as Janet was leant against the door, Rachel stepped forward and allowed her lips to roughly press against Janet's with a sense of urgency. Their lips moved together in a frenzied synchronicity as their hands rushed to explore each other's bodies, both feeling impatient with their clothing preventing them to getting what they really wanted. After a couple of minutes of fumbling, Rachel moaned in frustration and pulled back, leaving Janet feeling rather breathless and wobbly, strands of her hair breaking away from the bun she'd created earlier. As soon as their bodies parted, Janet reached for Rachel's hand and pulled her into the bedroom immediately letting go of it when they crossed the threshold, leaving Rachel in the doorway and crossing to the other side of the room, causing them both to stare longingly at each other, panting with lust. Their need for each other dashed the notion of sexily prolonging this moment and they both met in the middle of the room, Rachel stood at the end of the bed and Janet there just in front of her. They reached for each other at the same time and fell onto the bed, not breaking their grasp on each other as they hit the mattress with a slight bounce. While their passionate kissing resumed, Rachel's hands tore at Janet's top, hastily undoing the buttons and pulling the shirt off completely when they were undone. Although all Rachel wanted to do was place her hands over Janet's half naked body, Janet had other ideas and they worked together in co-operation to remove Rachel's top. Now they were both in their trousers and bras, Janet straddled Rachel, sat on her waist, legs resting against each side of her girlfriend's body and Rachel gasped with pleasure, feasting her eyes on Janet's upper body, her hands darting towards her to feel every inch of skin that was available. Janet, in turn, leaned forward, most of her hair now free from the bun and draping over Rachel's face and tickling lightly against her neck, her hands in a slow teasing fashion roaming over Rachel's torso and her lips trailing down her neck in rough kisses. As moans of desire sliced through the lust thickened air, the women continued to explore with abandon...

xxx

'Fuck ME!' Rachel gasped, flopping down on the pillow, attempting to catch her breath. 'I never.. I never even knew it could be like that. It could be that good. Jesus Christ!' she turned her head to gaze over at Janet who looked completely sated and had a soppy grin on her face.

'I know. Who bloody knew? If I'd known that when I was younger.. well, I might have swung the other way a bit sooner!' she poked Rachel playfully.

'Oi! Cheeky bitch! How do you know that it would be as good with anyone but me?!' Rachel replied with a look of mock-annoyance.

'Gotta good point there, my love.' Janet turned serious. 'It wouldn't have been. No doubt about it. This wasn't just about having a casual shag and moving on, this was about feelings and emotions and being here, with YOU. Having mind-blowing sex with someone I have very deep feelings for.' she brushed the hair that was now sticking to her skin with perspiration from her face and leaned over to give Rachel a soft and tender kiss, a contradiction to the passionate and explosive sex they had just enjoyed.

Rachel sighed, a feeling of content washing over her. 'I know what you mean. There is no other woman I would have wanted to share.. that.. with. I think we did well in regards to not succumbing to it sooner for how many days we managed. I almost jumped you in the car, you big tease!' she smiled happily, shifting closer to Janet and laying her head on Janet's chest, their naked bodies entangled beneath the sheets. 'Just a warning though, chick.. there will be no stopping me now. I'm going to want you.. all. The. Time!'

Janet grinned into Rachel's hair. 'Absolutely fine by me, love. I was so nervous about actually having sex with you, I felt like a teenager who was just about to lose her virginity and was worried about if she was going to do it right.' She pulled her lover closer. 'But.. I think we did brilliantly, actually! Well it was brilliant for me anyway.'

'You felt nervous too?' Rachel asked, relief colouring her tone. 'I thought it was just me! Though, I have to say, when it got to it, I felt no nerves. It just came naturally. It was amazing.' They both lapsed into a comfortable silence then, reveling in the feeling of what had just happened, and the happiness of being in each other's arms.

xxx

That evening, Janet and Rachel were cuddling on the sofa watching a rom-com on the television, and just generally relaxing. After they had finally surfaced from the bedroom, a good three hours after they'd first entered, Janet had gone to get a nice Indian takeaway while Rachel put the vacuum cleaner around. And when Janet had come back, they'd devoured the food in front of them and settled down in a relaxed embrace. Both women felt completely at ease, and both women had been unable to wipe their smiles off of their faces. Now watching the film, not overly paying attention to it as they kept each other occupied with numerous snogs, Rachel's mobile rang, causing her to have a little moan before getting up and automatically hitting the 'answer' button.

'Rachel Bailey.'

'Alright, Rach? Just me, checking in.' Ali replied, doing her usual mothering job by phoning her little sister at least twice a week.

For once, Rachel didn't make a face at the phone, nor did she feel the usual annoyance that her sister had phoned. 'I'm alright thanks, Al. How are you doing?' as she spoke, she watched Janet and felt an overwhelming surge of positive emotion.

'Yeah not bad, not bad. You know how it is. Holly is moaning at me about not seeing you. I know it sounds like I'm nagging, but will you please come around for tea one night next week? It's been ages.'

'Hang on a minute,' Rachel replied, covering the mouthpiece with her hand and walking towards Janet. 'Ali is going on at me to go over there one night next week, you up for it?'

'Yeah course, love. Definitely can't do Wednesday as I've got to go and see mum with the girls, but any other day is fine.' and with that, she reached forward, pulled on Rachel's top to make her move closer and kissed her gently.

'Hello? Hello? Rachel where the fuck have you gone?' Alison's voice was tinny but understandable as it came over the phone speaker, causing Rachel to remember what she was doing and put the phone back to her ear.

'Sorry, mate. Just had to check when I could come over. Can do any night but Wednesday IF there isn't a big case on at work or something. Sound good to you?'

'Er- yeah. Course it is.' Ali replied warmly, inadvertently making Rachel feel guilty for resisting her affection most of the time while also wondering why on earth she was feeling so.. nice.. towards her sister tonight. 'Shall we say Tuesday?'

'Yep. Hang on, I'll write it down. Oh, Janet will be coming too if that's alright, you know she's been living with me lately, don't ya?' Rachel thought she better make her sister aware that she'd be bringing company, and she knew her sister would think nothing of it seeming as she knew what good friends Rachel and Janet were.

'God yeah, that's fine. It'll be nice to see her, haven't seen her in yonks. Thought you might have brought Sean along.' Ali said, meaning it as a throwaway remark, obviously unaware of the events that had unfolded over the past few days.

'Er- no. It's over. Long story, will tell you when I see you, alright?' Rachel answered, not wanting to tarnish the joyous mood she was in by going over it all.

'What? It's OVER?' Alison seemed to be thinking aloud because she then went on with 'okay Rach. Tell me when you're ready. I have to say though, you're sounding rather chipper in spite of it all. You haven't sounded so.. content.. in ages.'

Rachel smiled to herself, knowing that the cause of that was Janet. 'Yeah, I feel it. Makes a change, huh?'

A little while later, the phone call ended, and when Rachel hung up she marveled at how the conversation went. Usually it would start as it meant to go on, with both sisters sniping at each other, each one on the defensive, and one of them would usually hang up. Rinse and repeat. As she went to sit back down next to Janet, she grinned at all the things that had changed lately. And they'd all changed for the better. And it was all thanks to her wonderful, beautiful, amazing girlfriend.

'You okay, missus?' Janet asked, quietly preparing for the worst as she knew the mood Rachel was usually in after contact with her sister and she hadn't listened into the conversation, without Rachel distracting her, she had gotten quite absorbed in the film.

'Yep. Absolutely fine. Thank you.' her words seemed to have a deeper meaning than what Rachel was actually saying, but Janet didn't have time to dwell on it as Rachel kissed her behind her ear. 'What time are the girls coming over tomorrow?'

'Er-' Janet was momentarily distracted by the kisses Rachel had placed on her sensitive skin. 'Er- tomorrow? About 2ish I think. Can't remember, I'll have to text Elise in the morning.'

'Okay,' Rachel said before snuggling back down again. They turned their attention back to the film which was almost finishing, and for a while were silent. It was while they were sat there that Rachel had another memory hit her from last night. She sat up suddenly, disturbing Janet who looked at her in confusion, and turned to face her girlfriend. 'What happened last night, Jan?'

'Er- don't worry, I told you all the goss! You behaved pretty well for you!' Janet smiled.

'No, hon. I mean when we were home. You had a nightmare, remember?' Rachel probed, eyes filled with concern that made Janet want to cry.

Janet didn't know whether to lie and pretend she didn't know what Rachel was talking about, or get it out in the open and tell her the truth. She opted for honesty, knowing that if their relationship was going to work it had to be built on strong foundations. 'I just.. I had a bad dream.' Although she was choosing honesty, she didn't want to divulge more than she had to.

'I know. What was it about though? You were terrified, it scared ME watching you.' Rachel said, rubbing small circles on Janet's back.

'Er- okay. The thing is.. ugh.' Janet didn't know how to start. This was something she had kept from almost everyone, the only one who knew was Ade and that had been because they'd shared a bed. 'I have nightmares. Bad, really scary nightmares. Usually about twice a week, though it happens more if I'm particularly stressed.' She looked at Rachel, her eyes filled with fear and she spoke in hushed tones. 'It's.. well.. it's been happening since what happened with Geoff.'

'Oh God.' Rachel said, her first emotion being maternal and now feeling intense anger. 'That fucking bastard. He should count his sorry ass lucky that he's locked up or I'd sort that prick out.'

'Shhh.. it's okay.' Janet replied, not seeing the irony that she was comforting Rachel and it wasn't the other way around. 'It's getting better over time. When they first started I had them every night. So they are improving.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' Rachel asked, not able to understand why she was feeling so upset, and then realizing that it was because she cared so deeply for her girlfriend that when she got hurt, Rachel did too.

'Because it's stupid. Because I'm embarrassed. Because I don't want anyone to know that he is somehow still ruling my fucking life in some way, even now. Because I don't want to be a victim, I want to be able to get over it and move on, but I'm such a weak cow that I still fucking dream about it.' She sounded so angry, so hurt and vulnerable that Rachel took her in her arms and held her tightly, wanting to somehow make Janet feel how much Rachel cared about her.

'That's nonsense.' Rachel said, kindly. 'There is nothing wrong with YOU. It's HIM. Come on, hon, you know this. You work with people who have experienced horrific things every single day. You wouldn't blame them for being affected would you? You can't help it any more than any of them can. I don't think ANY differently of you, and no one else would either.'

'Thanks, love.' she sounded tired, like sharing this had drained her of any energy she'd had. Her head was tucked beneath Rachel's chin and she felt safe, but completely exhausted. 'Thank you for listening. For being on my side. I'm lucky to have you.'

'That's nonsense too. Anyone would react like I have. You don't see yourself clearly, love. I see the way you react when I comment on how beautiful you are, how much you excite me, how you set my heart racing. You're probably blushing right now, in fact.' she was right, 'And you also don't believe me when I tell you that YOU are amazing. You deserve so much happiness and all I can say is I'm so glad that I've had the privilege of being not only your friend, but now your girlfriend. I'm so proud of you.'

Janet looked up, pretty startled. Rachel was NOT usually the talk-through-your-feelings type of gal. She used humour to deflect anything that might result in talking about emotions. Christ, she must care if she's putting herself out like this.. Janet thought to herself. Rachel looked at her with complete sincerity, and Janet grinned before planting a soft kiss at the corner of Rachel's mouth. 'I AM lucky to have you and I won't forget that. Thank you, love. Now, I'm exhausted. Today has been an amazing and VERY fun day, but I'm shattered now. Can we go to bed?'

'Of course, lady. Come on, bed time.' Rachel stood up, and held Janet's hand as they both headed for the bedroom and a night of cuddling.


	9. Chapter 9

**It's been a while since I updated this as I wasn't sure if my idea of where to take it was just plain ridiculous or worth pursuing, however I promised a certain someone that I'd write at least this chapter, so I hope they enjoy it and I hope anyone else reading this does too. Not sure if to continue with this story so if anyone would like to see more, please let me know. Anyway, enough of my ramblings.. please enjoy :) xx**

Chapter 9

'Kevin!' Gill's voice resounded through the office and a few seconds later Kevin sulked his way into her office. Rachel peered over her computer screen to glance at Janet.

'Wonder what all that's about.' she said idly, privately just relieved that it wasn't her name being screeched for all to hear.

'I think his mother called to ask Gill if he could leave early to go to the dentist.' Janet replied, rolling her eyes. Rachel laughed quietly before glancing at the clock and sighing. 'Stop stressing about tonight,' Janet smiled. 'It's just tea with your sister, anyone would think that she was a first class sociopath the way you're reacting!'

'Just a bit nervous, that's all.' Rachel said quietly, knowing that in the middle of the office really wasn't the place to elaborate. 'The one time I wouldn't mind working til all hours and for once we've got a slow day.'

'Don't jinx it!' Mitch called good humouredly as he walked past. 'I can't believe I might actually be getting home at a normal hour today. I'm sure the kids have almost forgotten who I am in my continual absence!'

It was a fairly quiet day in the MIT office. The Jacqueline Hall murder case they had been working on had wrapped up quite nicely, much to the relief of the the team. Today was mostly about tidying up loose ends and working on the cases that had been classed as lower priority throughout the previous investigation and therefore the atmosphere was unusually relaxed.. well, as relaxed as it could be when you worked in MIT anyway. The day before had been a stressful one- not helped by the fact that almost all of the team were still experiencing hangovers from their rather raucous night in the pub though for once this pleased Gill; no one seemed to have any lasting memory of her drunken antics which she was very appreciative of. It was mid-afternoon now and the entire team seemed to have run out of steam. Kevin was in Gill's office and if the odd shouted word was anything to go by, Gill was telling him just how little she approved of his mother calling her as if she were a teacher, Lee and Pete had headed upstairs on the pretense of making sure disclosures was all filed properly though really they were trying to sort out Lee's current love life dilemma, Mitch was en route to the exhibits room to give it a tidy and Rachel and Janet were typing up the last bits needed for the Hall case. If things continued to run as smoothly for the rest of the day, they would be done in the next hour or so and only Rachel seemed disheartened by this.

'Ugh. That's it.' Rachel stood up suddenly causing Janet to look up with a sense of alarm. 'I need a cig. I'll be back in five.' She threw a small smile in Janet's direction before grabbing her bag and heading outside. As she leaned against the wall, cigarette in hand, she mentally scolded herself for getting so wound up. It was just a meal with her sister, that's all. No need to freak out about it. Yes, it was going to be the night that she told Alison about her and Janet but the news was going to come out eventually and actually some small part of her was excited about it. They were working so hard to keep their new found relationship under wraps, it would sort of make it more real to Rachel if someone else knew about it. Ah, she was driving herself mad at the minute with all her conflicting emotions; she never did handle stress well and both her private and professional life had had its fair share of stresses as of late. She forced herself to think of something that would hopefully lower her anxieties and soon found herself smiling as she recalled the very nice morning activities she had shared with Janet just a few hours before and she reminded herself how lucky she was as she finished her cig and headed back upstairs.

Walking into the ladies toilets for a quick pit stop before getting back to the office Rachel almost collided with her girlfriend. 'Oops.' Rachel said, immediately feeling breathless at the sight of Janet. 'Fancy seeing you here. Do you come here often?' she grinned, not caring how cheesy and frankly stupid it sounded, just happy that she was in the midst of an uninterrupted couple of minutes with Janet.

Janet laughed quietly in response, resting lightly against the sinks as she eyed Rachel, the usual hammering of her heart signalling that her breathing was already getting hitched. She shook her head slightly, wondering how in Hell Rachel had this effect on her all the bloody time. 'Only when I'm trying to get lucky!' she replied to Rachel's rather unsubtle attempts at.. well, could it be called flirting?! Yes, at a stretch.

'I think you're in luck today.' Rachel smiled, noting Janet starting to breathe slightly harder and also aware of how that affected her. 'Is that a pen in your pocket or are you...' she trailed off, mentally kicking herself and wondering why her attempts at flirting were so awful today.

Janet laughed loudly before covering her mouth with her hand. 'You're a tit!' she said warmly, eyes twinkling as Rachel flushed. 'And just so you know..' she crossed the small area until she was stood close to Rachel and leaned forward to whisper in her ear, 'I'm _very_ pleased to see you. Always.'

Without warning Rachel stepped back so she could position herself correctly as she grasped Janet's head and pulled her in close, lips searching energetically until they found her girlfriend's, both ladies gasping slightly as their hands attempted to explore one another once again. A noise outside the room caused them to jump apart, eyes moving wildly to the door, breaths held in alarm.

'You're going to be the death of me!' Janet grinned after a few moments, both women now convinced that no one was bursting into the toilets to catch them out. 'I thought we were supposed to be being careful when we're at work?!'

'We are..' Rachel replied, a coy smile playing across her face. 'You need to stop being so damn sexy and distracting me from being good and we should be fine.'

'Yeah, yeah,' Janet said dismissively, finding it near-on impossible - as always - to accept compliments. She was supposed to be the one in awe of Rachel not the other way around, or so she thought. 'You feeling better after your fag?'

'I'm feeling better after _you_.. seriously, you should start charging for your anti-stress techniques!' Rachel teased, turning to look in the mirror and re-tying her hair. 'But yes, I'm feeling a bit less tense. Thank you for asking. I'm just feeling all over the place lately.'

'I suppose that's normal,' Janet started, her hand reaching out and resting gently on Rachel's shoulder. 'You know that I'm here if you need to get anything off of your chest though, don't you?'

'Yes. Honestly, thank you. You're.. amazing.' Rachel smiled, her voice ringing with sincerity. As soon as her hair looked as good as it was ever going to (another bad hair day much to her intense frustration), she turned for the door and opened it for Janet before they both headed to the office.

'Alright Kev?' Janet asked as she passed a particularly sullen looking Kevin on the way to her desk.

Kevin grunted in response before shoving an entire donut in his mouth causing Rachel to roll her eyes. As they both settled back in front of their computer screens, Gill popped her head around the door. 'Once you've finished that, you can go if you want ladies. I think we all deserve an early night..' her eyes flitted to the back of Kevin's head, 'well.. some of us more than others anyway. If you see any of the others, pass the message on. I'm about to head home now.' She disappeared back into her office and Janet cast a reassuring smile to Rachel who was starting to feel nauseous once more.

xxx

Rachel knocked on her sister's front door rather tentatively, looking over at Janet with an expression of trepidation. Within seconds the door had opened and Alison stood there with a welcoming smile. 'I'm so glad you could make it! I was sure something would happen to cause you to cancel.' she stood back to let them enter. 'Hi Janet! How are you? It's nice to see you.'

When they were all safely inside Alison took their coats and shepherded them into the kitchen where the cooking food was smelling lovely. Holly was sat at the table with some colouring pencils and a pad of paper. 'Auntie Rach!' she squealed with a big smile on her face as she climbed off the chair and ran over for a hug.

'Hey Hols,' Rachel grinned, bending down and reciprocating the hug. 'How have you been doing? Being good for Mum?'

As Holly launched into a rather long monologue about what she'd been up to, Alison turned to Janet. 'So, how's things?' she asked, stirring the bolognese as she awaited a response.

'Oh, not bad, thanks. You know how it is.' Janet smiled. 'Is there anything I can do?'

'Actually, would you mind just checking the garlic bread? It's in the oven. Oven gloves are just on the hook opposite the sink.'

The two women worked side by side in silence for a few moments, listening to Rachel's conversation with her niece, and before long the food was on the table waiting to be eaten.

xxx

A couple of hours later Rachel entered Alison's living room and sat on the couch next to Janet. 'Okay, she's promised she'll really go to sleep this time. Four stories later! Good job I love her isn't it.' she grinned to Alison as she picked up the glass of wine she'd been trying to consume for the past half an hour.

'She's been a nightmare ever since I picked her up from school this afternoon, she was so excited to see you! Let's not leave it so long til the next time, eh?'

'Definitely. If she wants, I'll have her overnight to stay soon. We'll have to sort something out.' Rachel replied, realising that she genuinely did miss her niece when she didn't see her. Janet sat quietly, wine glass in hand as she felt her nerves start to get the better of her.

'Sounds good, Rach. So, now the little monkey's properly in bed, how have things been?'

'Yeah.. yeah, it's been okay. Thanks.' Rachel said, suddenly very interested in the state of her nails.

'Are you sure?' Alison prodded, knowing there was something Rachel wasn't telling her.

'Positive. I'm okay. Good even. But..' Rachel looked over at Janet briefly before looking back to her sister. 'There is something I wanted to tell you.' she drained the last bit of her wine and proffered the glass to Alison. 'Can you top me up first?'

As Alison headed through to the kitchen, Rachel moved closer to Janet so their thighs were touching. 'You don't have to do this.' Janet murmured, knowing that it was a big step to take and aware that Rachel wasn't exactly the most open person in the world anyway. 'It's okay if you want to leave it for another time.'

Rachel shook her head fiercely. 'No. I want to tell her. I'd be nervous if we told her tonight or in a year, so don't worry.' As she finished talking, her hand slid across the seat of the sofa, resting lightly against Janet's back. Alison came back in with newly refilled glasses and sat down after handing them out.

'What is it you wanted to tell me?'

'Okay.. so.. er- the thing is.. right.' Rachel took another rather large gulp of her wine. 'Right. Okay. Here's the thing..' she paused again, her stomach flipping and turning at a worrying pace. 'Just bloody get it out!' she muttered to herself. 'Okay. I'm seeing someone.' She looked up to meet Alison's eyes.

'Bloody hell, woman! I thought you were going to tell me someone had died! I mean, sure, it's a bit soon after Sean but.. if he makes you happy, so be it. Who is the lucky chappy? You should have brought him tonight, who knows when you'll next be around and I won't be happy til I've given him the sister approval.' Ali replied, looking thoroughly relieved.

Janet turned to look at her girlfriend and saw that she looked a bit green. After waiting for a moment to see if Rachel would break the heavy silence she cleared her throat. 'You've already met Rachel's new partner.' she said, trying to look confident and positive that she was failing. 'And you seemed to like them.'

Rachel seemed to find her voice. 'I didn't say it was a 'he'.' she said quietly. 'Er- in fact,' she chuckled nervously, moving the hand that was leaning on Janet's back around so it was now clutching her girlfriend's hand. 'It's Janet.' as she said the words, she felt Janet squeeze her hand tightly.

Alison's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. She looked from Rachel to Janet and back again. She took a long sip of wine and then took another. 'Um,' she started a couple of minutes later. 'Did you say Janet? As in.. _that_ Janet?' she gestured with a jerk of her head.

'As in the woman who is sat right next to me and who I am holding hands with?' Rachel replied sharply, interpreting her sister's response as rude and at once finding her voice again. 'Yes. Janet. We're dating.'

The room was silent for a short while as Alison and Rachel looked at each other and Janet looked around the room nervously. Just as Rachel was about to suggest leaving, Alison started laughing merrily. Rachel shot her a confused look. 'What's so funny?' she asked, looking at Janet with wide eyes as they waited for Ali to quieten down enough to answer.

'Sorry.' Alison said, holding her hand up in a gesture of repentance. 'Just.. was the last thing I was expecting to hear.' She looked over at her sister and Janet on the couch and couldn't help but notice the way they looked at each other, the tender touches they almost subconsciously gave one another. She forced her thoughts to calm down and sat quietly for a minute, thinking carefully about what to say. 'Well,' she started, feeling remorse for laughing in the face of something that was probably very difficult for Rachel. 'I can't pretend I'm not surprised.' She had another long swig of fortifying wine. 'Then again, I can't deny that it's easy to see how much you.. like.. one another. And, you know.. after everything that's happened.. you deserve to be happy, Rachel. If.. Janet makes you happy, then I'm happy for you.'

Rachel opened her mouth and closed it again before turning slightly to look at Janet. 'Er- thank you, Alison.' Janet said, smiling slightly and feeling the nerves slowly dissipate. 'It's early days, but we wanted you to know.'

'Yeah,' Rachel finally chimed in. 'Thanks for not.. freaking out. It means a lot.' She flashed a grin at her sister while giving Janet's hand another squeeze.

'You're my sister. I just want you to be happy.' Alison replied, glad that she'd started on the wine _before _this conversation had taken place. 'So.. how did it all start? Spill the beans!'

xxx

'Yeah, you're right.' Rachel yawned, snuggling into Janet as they lay in bed. 'It did go well. Good idea to suggest the wine early on.' she grinned into the darkness.

'Well, I'm nothing if not forward thinking.' Janet joked, pressing herself firmly against Rachel, the chill of the night making her shiver slightly. 'What time have you got the doctor's tomorrow?'

'2.30pm. I'm in half a mind to cancel it to be honest.' Rachel could feel her eyes closing despite wanting to stay up talking to Janet all night. 'All I do is go in there, he asks how my mood has been and how my stress levels are, I tell him everything is fine, he tells me to call if I feel my moods worsening and then I get the hell out of there.'

'If you cancel you know Gill will give you shit. And I will too. After all the stress of Savage and Dom you know the condition of you returning to work was that you had regular appointments with your GP for the first couple of months. I'll tell Gill if you cancel it.' Janet said, wrapping her arm tighter around Rachel's waist.

The only thing that stopped Rachel moaning about what Janet had just said was hearing the concern in her girlfriend's voice. She knew Janet was only saying this because she cared and she also knew that if the roles were reversed she would nag Janet to go too. In fact, she was in the process of trying to get Janet to see someone about her nightmares and she knew moaning about this wouldn't help her case in the long run. 'Fine,' she muttered, only barely hiding the sulk from her voice. 'Just for you though. I wouldn't bloody do it for anyone else.' she yawned again as she felt her tense muscles start to relax.

'Well then. I count myself honoured.' Janet teased. 'Come on, let's get to sleep. Been a stressful night. Oh, before I forget.. you should call Ali tomorrow too, thank her again for tonight.'

'You're like a bloody saint,' Rachel replied sleepily. 'It's a good job you're an amazing girlfriend. And great in the sack. You're determined to keep me on the straight and narrow.'

'I'm determined to make you happy and ensure you're healthy. Now, stop distracting me and get to sleep. Don't want to be too tired in the morning for.. a little excitement.' Janet smiled, her own eyes closing. 'Night, love.'

Before Janet had uttered the last word, Rachel was fast asleep, dreaming of the very naughty things she was going to be participating in when they awoke.

xxx

'What's wrong with Rachel?' Gill asked, as blunt as ever. Janet was sat opposite her and it was nearing the end of the day. 'She's been quiet all day.'

'I don't know. I've tried asking her but you know, if she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to talk. It's none of my business anyway.' Janet replied, feeling uneasy as actually, if there was something wrong with her girlfriend then it _was _her business. But when she'd asked this morning and then twice since Rachel had gotten back from the doctor, she'd been brushed off with an unconvincing smile and an excuse of tiredness.

'Right. Well, keep an eye on her, will you? She's looked alright lately, but I need to be on top of it if she's having some sort of breakdown or anything.' Gill looked up at the clock. Not long now until she could dismiss everyone and head home for a rather lovely and rather large glass of wine.

'I'm sure she's just having a bad day, Gill. But yeah, I'll keep an eye out.' Janet noticed that her foot was tapping restlessly against the floor and stilled it immediately, not wanting to give anything for Gill to notice. 'She disappeared up to the disclosures office earlier with a bunch of paperwork, so she'll probably be up there until we finish.'

'Okay. So, how are the girls?'

'Yeah they're fine thank you.' Janet gave a genuine smile, proud of her daughters like she always was. 'Settling down again wonderfully. They're good girls.'

'They sure are. Tell them I say hello.' Gill had a soft spot for Elise and Taisie and almost always asked after them, just like Janet usually asked after Sammy, and now Orla too.

'Will do,' Janet smiled again. 'Are we going to be finished for the day soon?'

'Yeah, I should think so. No point hanging around when we have quiet days like this, got to make the most of them. Soon enough we'll be kept here til all fucking hours again.'

'Ideal.' Janet said, surreptitiously checking her watch and wishing the minutes past. She really wanted to check if Rachel really was okay and she couldn't properly do that until they were in the privacy of the flat.

'Oh, fuck it. Let's call it a day now. There is at least two bottles of wine waiting in my fridge with my name on it. You can let the team know. I want everyone in tomorrow at 9am.' Gill said, not waiting to finish giving instructions before reaching down for her bag and slipping her shoes back on under the desk.

'Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.' Janet grinned, standing up and opening the office door. 'Good news, guys!' She called chirpily, pausing as the team cheered having already guessed what that good news might be.

xxx

'Are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you going to keep fobbing me off with lies?' Janet finally fumed late into the evening after putting up with Rachel's moodiness all night.

'It's not my fault you won't let things drop!' Rachel retorted angrily, at once turning away from the tv which gave little credence to the pretense she'd been trying to keep up about being engrossed in some wildlife program or another.

'Oh, so it's my problem now is it? God, why have you been so bloody moody lately? It's worse than living with Elise and Taisie when we're all PMTing!' Janet stormed around the kitchen, banging things down and slamming cupboards shut with unneccessary force. 'If I've done something wrong or you're regretting _us_ then just be an adult and say it instead of leaving me guessing!' She wasn't even sure how this argument had progressed. She knew it was probably partly her insecurities that were coming to the forefront but no-one could deny that Rachel had been more up and down than a yo-yo on speed as of late. Janet hated having to second guess herself and Rachel really wasn't helping her paranoia.

'It's not you. And of course I'm not regretting us. I'm sorry. I just-' Rachel started but was unable to continue when she started crying uncontrollably. As soon as Janet heard the first sob she had whirled around and headed to the sofa, sitting beside Rachel and taking her hand.

'What's the matter, love?' she asked gently, wondering what on Earth was going on. 'You're really making me worry. Since Saturday you've been all over the place and this afternoon you've been as tightly wound as a coil. What is it?'

'I-' Rachel tried again, but the tears were refusing to stop. She leant into Janet's embrace, her shoulders heaving with the overwhelming emotions.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Janet rubbing her girlfriend's back reassuringly as she waited for Rachel to calm down, racking her brains as to what could be the cause of this. Suddenly she went cold as a thought hit her as hard as a freight train. 'Oh God,' she murmured, the anger fully gone from her voice to be replaced by anguished concern. 'Did something happen at the doctor?' Rachel nodded miserably, not knowing how to proceed. 'Shit.' Janet whispered. 'What is it?' she asked again, urgency now colouring her tone.

Rachel wiped her eyes roughly as she pulled back from Janet's arms and looked into her eyes with an unreadable look. 'I'm.. I'm pregnant.'


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you so much for the positive response to my last chapter, it really motivated me to write this one. I still am unsure whether to continue with this story, it depends on if this chapter is well-received or not I suppose, so if you do want to see more of it, please let me know. I really hope you enjoy it :) xx**

* * *

Chapter 10

Rachel watched her girlfriend carefully, breath held and waiting anxiously for her response. The colour seemed to have drained completely from Janet's face, she was looking down at her hands and - after Rachel had turned off that bloody wildlife program - there was nothing but a disjointed and uncomfortable silence permeating the air. Rachel continued to study the woman opposite her, hyper alert to any change, any shift of position, her tears drying up at a speedy rate as she tried to telepathically find out what was going on in her girlfriend's mind. Her fingers found the hem of her top and fiddled with it restlessly as Rachel once again replayed the scene with her doctor earlier that afternoon..

_'So, Rachel, how has your mood been over the past couple of weeks?' Dr Adams had said after they'd made their usual small talk that his patient seemed to insist on at the beginning of every appointment._

_'Yeah, fine thanks.' Rachel had replied, bringing her eyes up to the doctor and finding his returning gaze to be sceptical. She'd sighed, hating all this in-depth crap that was expected of her lately. She wasn't one to rip open her soul for all to see, but apparently that was what was required of her. 'Well.. a bit up and down lately, but you know, that's fine. I suppose it's to be expected.' she'd added hastily, not wanting to give the doctor anything to run away with, she knew what they were like.. diagnosis-mad.. and to be frank, she didn't have the time._

_'A bit up and down? Can you go into more detail?' the doctor had pressed, fingers flexing as they hovered over the keyboard, ready to cement her next words into her medical history, glancing up after a strained pause from his client. When he did glance up and then turn his eyes back to the screen in front of him, he immediately looked back up. Rachel looked a bit green, maybe he'd pushed her too far. 'Er- are you okay, Rachel? You don't look very well.' He'd stood up and crossed the room over to the sink where he poured her a plastic cup of water and handed it to her, watching as she gulped it down._

_'Sorry. Just feel a bit.. queasy, it's been coming and going over the past few days. I think I'm still paying for that bloody night out I had the other day. Getting old really isn't a barrel of laughs.' she'd replied, trying to make light of the situation as her stomach continued to twist and flip in disconcerting ways. She had pinched the bridge of her nose briefly before sitting up straighter and getting back to the doctor's original question. 'Er- more detail?' she'd asked, momentarily confusing the doctor until he realized she was answering his previous enquiry. 'Dunno, really. Been having huge mood swings, angry, scared, anxious, happy.. er.. other stuff.' she'd blushed as she studied her fingernails._

_'Other stuff?' Dr Adams had asked pointedly. 'What do you mean- other stuff?' He was typing away furiously which Rachel found fortunate, she didn't want him to see her blushing like a bloody school-kid._

_'Just.. stuff,' she'd begun, hurriedly rushing on to clarify her point when she sensed the doctor about to pause in his typing frenzy. She shouldn't have even started this line of conversation and she once again cursed the whole having to go the doctor situation. 'Er- just been feeling.. well.. kinda like.. er-' she must be flushing as bright as a fucking tomato, 'I've been more sexually aroused than usual.' She'd said in one breath, cringing as she said it. 'But I'm in a new relationship, so I guess that's normal.' she had ended feebly, wishing the ground would swallow her whole. She'd risked a glance at Dr Adams who didn't seem anywhere near perturbed as she was and he just kept on typing._

_'Okay,' the doctor had said, 'how has your sleep been?'_

_'Yeah, fine thanks. Been having some weird dreams and stuff, but that's about it. Work was a bit crazy for a while which meant less sleep than I'd have liked, but it's calmed down again now which is good.' Her colour had slowly returned to normal as she'd shifted in her chair slightly, the nausea still playing havoc._

_Dr Adams leaned back in his chair after typing the last bit and closed his eyes briefly before glancing over at Rachel and preparing the next load of questions in his head, he'd already covered sleep and mood, now it was just food and general concerns from what he could remember. While he was racking his brain to figure out of he had missed anything out, a thought suddenly came to him just as he was about to talk and he shut his mouth abruptly, sitting up quickly and rereading the information on his screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his patient shift slightly as if confused as to what was going on. He reread the information one more time and turned to Rachel, clearing his throat as he did so. 'Er- Rachel, have you been using protection with your new partner?'_

_'Excuse me?' Rachel had asked, brow furrowing, at a complete loss as to what he was on about. 'What do you mean?'_

_'Contraception.. in the bedroom..' the doctor had replied in a slow voice, as if he were talking to a child._

_Rachel had laughed loudly which she could see had startled her doctor and which only served to make her laugh more. Once she'd gotten a hold of herself, she'd looked at him full on. 'No, 'Dr Adams. It's not something I need to worry about.'_

_'Well, I know many people feel this way but it is something every woman under a certain age should be aware of the contraceptives available to her. They're getting more and more reliable all the time.'_

_'Doctor.. seriously.. I don't need to worry about that. If it has been a concern with previous partners I have used precautions, but honestly, I don't need to now.' Now it was Rachel's turn to be talking to the doctor as if he were an idiot._

_'I just think-' Dr Adams started, internally rolling his eyes as he prepared to reel off his spiel that he was obligated to give any woman who he treated._

_'Doc, it's a woman. I'm with another woman.' Rachel interrupted. 'So er- no. I don't think I need to use a condom.. unless one of us is really a man, and I can assure you, I've checked plenty of times and that really isn't the case. Thanks for asking though.' she'd added sarcastically, determined to go to whoever she needed to when she got back to work to put a stop to these pointless appointments. She had enjoyed revelling at the doctor's obvious confusion and embarrassment though._

_'Right..' Dr Adams had said. If Rachel was with a man, he would still push her to do a pregnancy test but he'd be positive of the result. Now he wasn't sure what to think. 'Have you been.. sexually active.. with a male lately?'_

_'I don't think that's any of your business!' Rachel had replied furiously, backing down when she knew the fucking doctor would press her on it anyway. 'Fine. Two months ago maybe? This was before I got together with my current partner just so you know.' She wasn't going to be thought of as a slag, not by anyone._

_'Okay, I know this might come as a shock to you, but I'm going to need you to take a pregnancy test...'_

She snapped out of her reverie and placed a hand on her stomach as she looked back over to Janet who hadn't moved an inch by the looks of it. She wanted to reach out and take hold of her girlfriend's hand, but Rachel wasn't sure that it would be appreciated and she didn't think she would be able to cope if her gesture was rejected so instead she sat quietly, nerves kick starting once more as she wondered how long she'd have to wait for a response and what exactly that response might be.

* * *

As soon as she heard the words 'I'm pregnant.', Janet had almost exploded into peals of laughter. Just the very thought of it was absurd and she had almost told Rachel to give over and stop piss-assing around. In fact, her mouth had opened to say that exact thing when she'd happened to look, properly look, into Rachel's eyes. She wasn't joking. Shit. That's when the colour had drained from her face and she'd suddenly felt bloody freezing. To be honest, as she sat there she didn't really think of anything. It was as if her brain had thought 'Holy shit, this is too much. I'll, er, I'll just be off then.' and had switched to standby. So she just sat there, thinking of absolutely nothing, eyes staring at no point in particular until her brain stopped playing silly buggers and decided to show its face again. And, after a while, thoughts began making an re-appearance causing Janet to fervently wish that she could go back to a state of numbness. She raised her head ever so slightly so she could sneak a glance at Rachel unnoticed. She was sat with a hand on her stomach, her thumb moving in a soothing fashion across the non-existent bump. Holy shit. Janet raised her head slowly, seeing Rachel jerk her head up out of the corner of her eye. 'You're.. pregnant?' was all she could manage as she glanced over to her girlfriend.

There was a pause as the words circulated the room, both women once again trying to process the meaning. 'Yes. I'm having a baby.' Rachel said quietly, wondering where this conversation would lead. She'd wanted to keep it to herself for a few days until she got accustomed to the news but she'd known it wouldn't have been fair to Janet and as soon as Janet had pressed her it had all come flooding out whether she had wanted it to or not.

'Shit. A _baby_?' Janet replied, almost talking to herself as she tried to envisage what that meant for her and Rachel. The thought process made her heart ache as she thought of the possible scenarios. Rachel could leave her, thinking that it would be better to raise the child alone. She could leave Rachel. They could mutually decide the relationship was over. Shit. 'At least I don't have to go down the route of asking if it's mine or not.' Janet smiled weakly, her mind racing as her heart sank.

'Always a silver lining, eh?' Rachel joked in a small voice. 'And just so you know, it's Sean's. I haven't been sleeping around.' she wanted to make that clear, even if Janet already had come to that conclusion. 'Er- are you okay?' She knew they had to have this conversation no matter how much she wished they could rewind a bit and pause for a while on the loveliness that was the previous weekend.

'Am I okay?' Janet said slowly as if testing the words out. 'Hmm. Am I _okay_? My girlfriend of.. what? .. a couple of weeks has just told me that she's pregnant. _Pregnant_! Am I _supposed _to be okay? Sorry, I didn't catch the memo for lesbians who find out their partners are up the duff.' Although looking back on this conversation at some point in the future Janet would feel some regret, right now she didn't give a shit. Yes, it was Rachel's news but now it involved her too. Now she was part of this mix and it wasn't anything like what she'd signed up for. She looked at Rachel and felt a single twinge of remorse as she spotted the hurt clear on Rachel's face which she quickly wiped away as she saw her girlfriend's hand tenderly rubbing her stomach. 'I mean.. _what_ were you _thinking_? Why on _Earth_ didn't you use protection?! You knew all along that you didn't love Sean so.. what the fuck? Excuse me if I'm a bit confused here, but to be honest I think I have every right to be.'

'Do you really think that's what we should be focusing on?' Rachel replied, anger flaring up inside her at once. 'The fact that I didn't use protection all the time with my then boyfriend? Fucking hell, Jan, why don't you call Crimestoppers now and have me locked away once and for all! Shouldn't we be talking about the here and now? I _am_ pregnant. I _am_ having a baby. _This_ is the sort of stuff we should be discussing. Jesus Christ!' She sat forward now on the defensive.

'Well, I'm _dreadfully _sorry if it's taking me a while to get my head together and I have a few fucking questions to ask in the meantime.' Suddenly the fire left Janet's gut as quickly as it had appeared and she sank back into the sofa, sighing quietly. 'Look, I can't talk about this right now. I don't want this to end up in an argument and you certainly don't need that. Anyway, I'm tired; I'm going to go to bed and we'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?' She looked over at Rachel, willing her for once to back down from her usual stubborn-ness and just let her go to bed.

'Fine.' Rachel said quietly, flicking the television back on as she shifted position, tucking her legs up beneath her and pulling a throw from the end of the sofa up over herself. 'Night.'

'Night.' Janet replied, knowing that Rachel was hurt but not feeling anywhere near able to comfort her at the moment. 'I'll talk to you tomorrow.' As she walked past to head into the bedroom, she brushed her hand lightly against Rachel's shoulder for a brief moment, closing her eyes at the bliss of that touch, lingering just for a second before removing her hand and walking out of the room. Entering the bedroom, she changed quickly before going into the bathroom and brushing her teeth, head still racing, fears still making themselves heard in a rather loud manner. Finally she crawled into bed, curling up to the very edge of the bed in an attempt to keep Rachel at bay and silently begged for sleep.

* * *

The alarm blared loudly at 7am the next morning and it only served to hammer home the headache that Janet already had. She'd had a poor night of sleep, not falling asleep until the early hours, long after Rachel had crept into the room, slid into bed and had fallen asleep. Janet reached a hand out to stop the alarm and sat up in bed slowly, feeling Rachel shift beside her but not looking down. She rubbed her eyes and clamboured out of the bed, grabbing some towels from one of the drawers and heading for the bathroom. As she stood in the shower feeling the hot water cascade over her shoulders, she sighed deeply, not feeling the anger from the night before, but just confusion and anxiety. They'd only just got on track and become an item, what would happen to them now? After washing her hair and giving her body a good scrub, she stepped out of the shower wrapping a towel turban-like around her hair and brushing her teeth as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Oh God, she looked awful. Her eyes had big dark bags beneath them, her complexion was much paler than usual.. she didn't look good. After sighing to her reflection for a short while, she returned to the bedroom, sitting in front of the mirror in preparation to dry her hair. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Rachel get out of bed and get some towels before heading to the bathroom herself, the room still silent and tension emanating in thick waves. Janet sighed once again and picked up the hair-dryer, her thoughts running amok and her stomach flipping with anxiety about what the day would bring.

* * *

'You ready?' Janet asked Rachel, stood by the front door with her car keys swinging from her hand.

'Mhm.' Rachel replied, not looking at Janet, scared of what she would see.

'Bring some toast with you, you haven't eaten any.'

'I'm not hungry, I don't want any.' Rachel's eyebrows furrowed and she looked like a petulant child.

'_You _might not want any, but it's not just you that you need to think about anymore. Bring some toast please. And don't forget the napkin.' Janet pressed before turning on her heel and heading out of the door before climbing into the car and waiting for her girlfriend to join her. She only had to wait a couple of minutes and as soon as Rachel entered- balancing her napkin covered toast carefully- and put on her seatbelt, she set off.

'Are we actually going to talk at some point?' Rachel asked softly, looking out of the window at the scenery racing past.

'Are you actually going to eat some toast?' Janet shot back, determined to nag as much as needed to get Rachel to eat properly. She might not be fully comfortable with the situation she unwillingly found herself in right now, but that didn't mean she wanted Rachel or the baby to suffer.

'Fine.' Rachel replied, shoving the toast in her mouth, acting like a teenager and causing Janet to smile slightly. 'So, now I'm doing what you want, _are _we actually going to talk about this?'

'Yes,' Janet's expression turned serious again as she considered such a conversation. 'But later, okay? I don't think that a drive to work is the place to bare our souls and discuss something like this. When we get home, we'll have a talk. Promise.' She glanced over at Rachel, noting that Rachel looked probably worse than Janet herself did, which was no easy feat today. 'Are you okay?' she asked, concern colouring her voice, inadvertently reassuring Rachel that she did still care about her, something that had been playing on Rachel's mind a huge amount over the past few long hours.

'I feel.. sick. Really sick.' Rachel said, raising a hand to her forehead and feeling that her temperature seemed to be on the rise.

'Oh shit. Should I stop the car?' Janet panicked, looking at the surroundings outside and trying to figure out where would be the best place to pull over.

'No, it's..fine. I'm just going to open the window.' Rachel leaned against the car door frame, gratefully feeling cool air whip around her face as they spent the rest of the journey in silence.

* * *

'Fucking hell, look at the state of you.' Gill blurted as soon as her two officers had rounded the corner into the office.

Janet and Rachel glanced at each other with confused and slightly offended looks. 'Er.. thanks?' Janet replied upon turning back to her boss.

'Not just you.. the pair of you look fucking awful. Oh God.. you need to go home.'

'What?' Rachel asked, bewilderment colouring her tone. 'Are you okay, ma'am?'

'_I'm _fine, but I'm not having another sickness bug making it's travels around this office. You both know what it's like to have half of the team off sick and those stupid covering officers in. So, go home.' She gestured towards the same door they had just came through. 'Now!' she added sternly when she noticed Janet was about to interrupt. 'If you feel better tomorrow, come in but if not.. stay away. I mean it!' Gill swept towards her office as she said those last words, somehow managing to time it perfectly with a resounding slam of her door leaving Janet and Rachel looking at each other, stunned. Without another word spoken, they both turned around and walked out of the office door, not needing to collect bags or jackets as they hadn't had time to take them off in the first place.

As they headed down the stairs to the car park, Janet felt her heart sink. Shit, now she had no excuse _not_ to have this conversation. She'd already promised they'd talk about it when they got home, but in her defense, she'd planned on being home a _lot_ later than this. She hadn't even had time to think about what to say. Bloody Gill, next time she wanted to make a tit out of herself by singing Eminem at a works night out, she would bloody let her, that's for sure. Everything was so bloody complicated, why couldn't things just be simple for once?

* * *

'Do you want some more water?' Janet asked gently as Rachel came out of the bathroom once more after being sick.

'No thanks.' Rachel croaked. 'I think that's the last of it, now. I bloody hope so.' She crossed the room and slumped on the sofa, looking at Janet who was leaning against the table. 'Can we have that chat now?'

Janet nodded weakly and sat down on the far end of the sofa. 'I guess we should. Where do you want to start?'

'Er- well.. okay. Um, why were you so angry last night? I expected you to be shocked, but you were.. _really _angry. Why?' Rachel looked earnestly at her girlfriend, the hurt shining bright in her eyes.

Janet saw the hurt there and felt her heart constrict slightly as she tried to figure out what to say. 'I was.. I _am_ scared. And I'm shocked. I mean, I _never_ even entertained the thought as a possibility. I shouldn't have gotten angry like that, I _am_ sorry about that, Rach.' She fiddled with her top as she spoke, eyes downcast, heart going like the clappers.

'It's okay.' Rachel said softly, processing the new information. 'Why are you _scared_? I don't understand..' she trailed off, waiting for Janet to fill her in.

'Lots of reasons,' Janet started, the fear etching itself across her face. 'I didn't know if you'd still want to be with me if you're having a baby. I mean.. oh, I don't know. Maybe you'd want to get back together with Sean, maybe you would think it would be easier for the baby if you weren't with me, maybe you just simply wouldn't want to be with me anymore.. I don't know. And-' she was cut off abruptly as Rachel started talking.

'What?! You're _insane_. I want _you_. Not Sean. Never. I mean.. well, Christ, I haven't really thought about it, but I suppose I need to tell him and let him be a part of the baby's life, but really.. just.. that's all. That's all it will be between him and me. Whatever happens, that will always be all it ever is.' Rachel said forcefully, being reminded again of just how much she had to think about now she was pregnant. Sean. God, that was going to be a fun conversation.

'Okay, I get it. But it's not just that, Rach.' Janet was flushing a brilliant red and Rachel once again turned her attention to her girlfriend. 'I'm.. I'm _forty_-seven. I've done the kids thing. _Twice_. And I love my girls, I wouldn't change them for the world, but it was.. it continues to be.. hard work. I did all the sleepless nights, the night feeds, the chasing around.. all of it. And I was in my early-thirties then and it was _still_ hard. After we had Taisie, I decided that I didn't _want_ any more children, that my two gorgeous girls were enough for me, _more_ than enough. I mean.. yeah, when they were babies, it was hard, exhausting, draining. But it doesn't get easier, Rach. As they get older, yes, most of those problems disappear, but they're replaced by new ones. It never stops being hard, exhausting, draining, it's only the reasons that change. You know when people say being a mother is the hardest job in the world? They aren't lying. It is _tough_. And I.. can I really do this again? Can I be a new mummy again? I.. I don't know.' She dropped further into the back of the couch, feeling shocked at the length of her reply, ashamed at her thoughts and scared of Rachel's reaction. It took a minute or so before she could bring her eyes up to look at her girlfriend's and she felt a tug on her heart as she saw Rachel's eyes brimming with tears. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You wanted me to be honest, Rach.'

Rachel tried to swallow the tears, tried to blink them away. Janet was right, she _had_ wanted honestly. Fuck. What a mess. What a mess this whole thing was. She sat in silence for a moment, fiercely willing the tears away and waited to speak until she could trust her voice. 'What does this mean? For us?' Even the thought of the possible outcome of such a question made her shudder in horror.

'I don't know, love.' Janet said quietly, her own tears threatening to make an unwelcome appearance. 'I really don't know.'


	11. Chapter 11

**This story has so far received an awesome response, so many, many thanks for that. I hope this one lives up to expectation and people enjoy it. I have a fair idea of where I want to take this story so if people want more, please let me know. Also, keep reviewing if you can, it really helps to keep me motivated! Please enjoy.. Many thanks :) xx**

* * *

Chapter 11:

"Jesus Christ, woman. Will you either tell me what is wrong or try and take that miserable expression off of your face?" Gill finally erupted, causing Janet to jump slightly at the abrupt interruption. She was once again in the boss' office going through reams of paperwork; it was so loud in the main office sometimes that Janet really couldn't concentrate. Well, not lately at any rate.

Janet looked at her superior now, heat rushing to her cheeks as she felt her foot starting to tap against the floor again. "I don't know what you're talking about, Gill." she said simply, fighting to keep her voice controlled while she looked back down at the page in front of her, not at all appreciating the boss' tone with her.

"Bullshit." Gill replied, her voice rising as she flapped a hand in a gesture to dismiss Janet's claims. "All fucking week you've been in a shitter of a mood and, I'm telling you now, I'm not the only one who's noticed it. Clearly something's going on and that's fine, but for the love of all things holy will you fucking _talk_ about it instead of scaring everyone off with your mood?" She sat back in her seat watching her friend carefully. She knew something was wrong, that much was obvious; she'd had to endure almost a full week of Janet losing her temper, Janet not paying attention, Janet looking as if every member of her family had died and she was really losing her patience. For the first few days she really had tried to be understanding - it was a known fact that she gave Janet more leeway than others anyway because of their friendship - but every time she'd tried to help, she would just get blown off with the age-old - and pretty fucking annoying - 'I'm fine' excuse. And spending the last three hours sharing her office with Janet was finally what pushed Gill over the edge. "So.." she tried to arrange her face to look reassuring, "what's happening?"

"I've already _told_ you! Absolutely nothing is wrong! Christ, what is _with_ everyone? You should tell them all to mind their fucking business." Janet fumed, keeping her eyes downcast under the pretense of signing yet another piece of paper.

Gill leaned forward again, her elbows on the table as she braced her head with a fist and closed her eyes in frustration. Okay, clearly shouting wasn't getting her anywhere. "Is it the girls?" she asked in a softer voice, keeping her eyes trained on Janet, taking note when she shook her head. "Is it Ade, is he playing up still?" Janet shrugged and Gill exhaled a long breath as she plucked the glasses from her face and idly started fiddling with them. "Is it Rachel?" she finally asked, running out of ideas and sitting up straighter as she noticed Janet stiffen and shake her head firmly. Gill wasn't a DCI for nothing and all those years of studying body language in interviews was paying off now. "What's she done now?" she asked in an exasperated tone. Rachel had been as bad as Janet this week, though when Rachel was moody everyone took it with a pinch of salt as it wasn't completely unusual for her to be a little quick to boil. She automatically glanced through her window towards Rachel's desk, and it was only when she saw no one there that she remembered Rachel had taken a day's holiday.

"Nothing." Janet snapped, shifting slightly in her seat. "I told you, it's nothing."

"Well, clearly it's not. Seriously, you two seem to be constantly arguing since you've moved in with her. Or you have been lately, anyway. Maybe you should try and find somewhere else to live." Gill stated in a kind voice, completely unaware of how painful her words were.

After taking a few deep breaths, Janet looked up into the eyes of her boss. "Are we going to be here much longer?"

Gill sighed, giving up the idea of ever getting through to her old friend as she slid the glasses back on her nose and downed the last of her now almost-cold coffee. "I doubt it. I think we're going to be helping out with a case of Julie Dodson's tomorrow, though. Mother and four young children murdered and suspected sexual abuse before death. Gonna be a big one I think." She turned her attention back to the computer screen, silently bemoaning the amount of emails she had yet to return.

"Fine. If.. if you don't need me for the rest of the day, do you mind if I go?" Janet asked, looking unwaveringly at Gill, her voice quiet.

Gill knew that Janet rarely asked for things like this and also knew there must be a reason for her to do so which made her once again question what was going on for the woman sat opposite her. "If I say yes will you try and get a fucking smile on your face ready for tomorrow?"

"Yep." Janet said in a flat voice, already starting to pack away the files even though Gill hadn't agreed yet.

Gill checked her watch and looked through her window to the office again. It was quiet and she had the rest of the team- minus Rachel, of course. And maybe Janet really did just need some time to sort out whatever the fuck needed sorting out. "Fine. If anyone asks, you're out collecting information on a case and then went home after, got it?" she waited for Janet to nod. "Don't want any of those lot thinking they can be going home whenever they want." She watched as Janet tidied up after herself and picked up her mug.

"Thank you, Gill." Janet replied, her voice suddenly filled with warmth. And, without waiting for a response, she swept out of the office leaving Gill staring after her.

* * *

As Janet drove through the streets of Manchester she tried to pretend that she didn't know where she was going. It was easier to sink into denial if you wilfully gave yourself up to it. And so she conscientiously decided to turn on autopilot as she drove, turning this way and that as she wound through the roads and instead let her mind wander. It had been a week since Rachel had told her about the baby. A week today, in fact. And it had been a week from hell. Obviously they'd had their open and honest conversation the day following the announcement and Janet had been far more open and honest than she necessarily liked but at the time it still almost felt like they were on the same side of a coin, both trying to come to terms with the news of a baby coming into their lives. But that hadn't lasted long and, to be frank, Janet didn't really know the exact moment when it became apparent that her and Rachel were now on different sides of the same coin, seemingly fighting against each other and both of them too scared to really talk about it. It seemed to creep up on them until finally Janet realized that they were hardly speaking when they got home from work, or while _at_ work they both reached towards other members of the team instead of each other. Last night, Janet had sat on one of the seats and discreetly watched Rachel who, in turn, was watching some tripe on the television. And as she watched, she felt her heart ache and her eyes sting with an imminent promise of tears. Because.. it was _Rachel_ sat there and it hurt that they seemed like strangers now. Janet had spent the past few nights laying in bed with her eyes wide open, searching for answers as if they were written upon the ceiling as she tried to understand what was happening. She loved Rachel, that much she was convinced of. She loved Rachel more than she had known it was possible to love someone romantically. She loved the fact that they could bicker and within half an hour they could be in bed tearing at each other's clothes, she loved the little frown Rachel had on her face at the exact moment she started to wake up as if the fact it was day again was slightly offensive. She loved Rachel's dirty laugh and her dirtier mind. She loved that even being in love with Rachel didn't upset their friendship, it strengthened it. She loved so many things about this woman, about their relationship and it was in these long, dark, almost threatening nights that Janet allowed the tears to flow just as fluidly as her memories did.

Did she want to be a parent again? Well, if she'd been given the choice, she would have said no in a heartbeat. She wouldn't have even of thought twice about it. Everything she'd said to Rachel had been true. It _was _hard work, it never _stopped_ being hard work. She had done all the nappy changes, the illnesses, the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the continual self-doubt, the running after them. Twice. And she'd been much younger then and it had _still_ been almost more than she could cope with. And so if someone had asked her if she wanted to have a life which included a baby of which she would be one of it's primary carers, Janet would have laughed in their face and told them to 'Piss off!'. Funny how things turned out.

She pulled up to yet another traffic light, cursing her luck as she seemed to be catching all of the red lights today. She quickly checked her watch and then berated herself; checking her watch was acknowledging that she had somewhere to be and acknowledgement - in any form - was not something that Janet wanted to deal with right now. Her mind drifted again as she slowly moved off from the traffic light.

It was strange how emotions worked. It wasn't as if she was angry at Rachel. She had been, definitely, when she'd first found out the news. She really did feel that Rachel had been idiotic for not using contraception when she had sex with Sean - even thinking about that made Janet's blood boil rather alarmingly - because Rachel had known she wasn't in love with him and using precautions would have been.. well, a good precaution. But her fury had eased and finally dissipated as the hours had passed. She was more angry at herself for the way she'd reacted than she was of anyone or anything else. But more than that, she was petrified. She was terrified of what having a baby in her life would mean, what it would lead to, how much her life - which had already changed almost beyond recognition in the past weeks - would change.

Janet parked her car in one of the empty spaces and, determinedly looking straight ahead so she wouldn't see her surroundings and turn back around, headed towards the looming building ahead of her. Manoeuvering through the seemingly endless corridors she could feel her heart pick up speed as it hammered away, her hands becoming sweaty as she pushed forwards, the only sounds being her footfalls on the empty uncarpeted floor. Finally, she found her destination and approached the desk with a nervous smile.

"Hello," the smiling receptionist began before turning back to her screen. "Do you have an appointment?"

Janet tried to speak but her mouth suddenly became dry as she heard her heart beating in her ears. "Um.." she paused, causing the receptionist to look at her again, her brows slightly furrowed. "Sorry. Er- no, I don't have an appointment. My partner does though. Miss Bailey?"

"Oh." the receptionist looked shocked for a fleeting moment before composing herself and placing another smile on her face. "Yes, she's just gone through. I can take you in to her if you would like."

"Er.. that would be, er, lovely. Thanks." Janet joined the receptionist by the door and nervously followed her through yet another corridor.

"She's just through there," the receptionist grinned, giving Janet a hearty wink before heading back to behind the desk in the other room.

Janet took a deep breath, feeling a little bit sick as she knocked on the door meekly. "Come in." a female voice said sternly and Janet could feel herself shaking even more.

She opened the door slowly, not taking in the interior of the room, the doctor, the computer or anything else except Rachel. Her Rachel who was sprawled across a heightened bed with a scared look on her face. Ignoring the doctor completely, Janet closed the door behind her quickly before crossing the room and grasping Rachel's hand in her own.

"Jan!" Rachel breathed, not sure if she was dreaming. Sure, she'd had plenty of daydreams in the past week where Janet would sweep into the room just about now and everything would be okay but, Christ, that didn't happen in real life did it?

"Hello, love." Janet smiled in response, her heart still hammering but now for completely different reasons. "How are you doing?"

"I- er- I'm fine! What- what are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes shining brightly as she looked up, still half tempted to give herself a little pinch.

"Couldn't miss the first scan, could I?" Janet grinned, finally - for the first time in days - knowing that _this_ was what she wanted. It was going to be hard, sure, but this past week of being practically strangers with the woman she loved had just proved to her how much she was willing to work to keep this relationship.

"Excuse me," the doctor started in a clipped tone causing both women to turn at her with a look of surprise. "Who are you? I was told it would just be Miss Bailey in attendance for this appointment."

"She's my partner." Rachel answered, unable to keep the grin off her face as she tugged on Janet's hand. "I didn't think she would be here because..."

Janet could see the cogs working overtime in Rachel's head. She never was quick off the mark in personal situations and the pregnancy really wasn't helping and so Janet decided to jump in. "Er.. I had work. But I managed to finish early, so.."

"Here she is!" Rachel finished excitedly, suddenly pulling Janet towards her for a quick kiss. The doctor looked on but as the kiss looked to deepen she cleared her throat causing Janet to jump back, a guilty look on her face. After a week of no contact, her own hormones were threatening to be the undoing of her and Rachel couldn't help but giggle as she noticed the telling reddening of Janet's chest.

* * *

"Twelve _weeks_?" Rachel spluttered for the sixth time as she sat opposite Janet in the pub down the road from their flat, her hands wrapped around a diet coke.

"That's what she said, kid." Janet smiled, taking a sip of red wine as she reveled in the calm feeling that she'd missed in the past week.

"I thought I'd be about eight weeks.. not _twelve_! Fucking hell."

"We've still got six months, try not to stress so much."

Rachel smiled shyly over her glass as she fiddled with the empty packet of crisps next to her. "Yeah.. you're right.." she said quietly, eyes turning pensive as they sat in the comfortable pub. "What.. what made you change your mind, Jan? Why did you come back? I thought.. I thought.." she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence that had been haunting her.

"Shhh..." Janet soothed, leaning across the table and taking Rachel's hand in both of her own. "I know, love, I know. I was never really gone, you know. Just.. adjusting." she looked earnestly at the woman opposite her. "I never would have gone. Not really. But the reason I came to the scan," she grinned subconsciously at the memory, "was because.. well, I love you, silly. I know you wanted me there. And I wanted to be there. I just didn't realize that until the last minute."

"I was so scared you wouldn't come. I kept hoping but.." Rachel looked so vulnerable it made Janet's heart clench as she looked at her.

"But I _did_ come, didn't I? I'll always be here. Every scan, every twinge, everything. I'll be here. I promise." she said quietly, her eyes burning with genuine reassurance as Rachel looked down.

"Shut up, you." she said weakly, not wanting to cry in a bloody pub. Seriously, her hormones had been going to fucking town in the past week, everything she would normally feel was just exacerbated tenfold. She looked back up at Janet then who had a grin on her face. "I suppose the one good thing about being twelve weeks is that hopefully this stupid shitty morning sickness will give up soon. It is driving me up the wall. I feel as if the toilet has become my best bloody friend." she grumbled at the thought of it though even she couldn't help smiling. She felt so light, so relaxed and while she knew a big part of that was because of Janet, she also knew it was because the doctor had assured her that it was highly unlikely that this pregnancy would be _anything_ like her last one. And she would be having regular scans to keep an eye on the baby just as a precaution. It all really was a huge relief. "Does this mean I get away with not doing the housework? Gotta rest 'cos of the baby, and all that!" she teased, loving the ease with which they had returned to normal again.

"Piss off! As if you do the housework anyway!" Janet laughed throatily, squeezing Rachel's hand.

"Cheeky bitch!" Rachel pretended to look offended. "I _so_ do the housework, you just never notice!"

"Okay. I've put the vacuum cleaner in a new place, where is it?" Janet leaned forward, a light-hearted glint in her eye, before laughing as she saw Rachel's face drop.

"Er.. in the airing cupboard?" she guessed haphazardly, not holding out much hope.

Janet continued laughing, her blond hair falling around her face as she stuck her tongue out at Rachel in a rather childish manner. "You're a tit." she spluttered when she settled down, reaching over and brushing a wayward strand of hair from Rachel's face. "I've missed you." The teasing tone to her voice was gone, replaced with something a bit more intense.

"I've missed you, too." Rachel answered, feeling her heart start to pound as she drank in Janet's face, her eyes, her lips, her hair and - almost subconsciously - her eyes started travelling lower. "Home?" was all she could manage in a husky voice and, without waiting for an answer, she stood up abruptly.

Janet didn't need asking twice; downing the last of her wine, she stood up and practically yanked Rachel outside into the cold. Neither of them felt the wind whipping around them though as they started walking the short distance back to the flat. Rachel grinned happily, marvelling how she could be this happy while leaving a pub having not had a single alcoholic beverage. She turned her head slightly, watching Janet out of the corner of her eye. While her hormones had certainly been on the uprise, her sex drive certainly had been too and it had been torture to share a flat with Janet and not be able to have her. She had _no fucking idea _how she'd managed it before they'd gotten together. Even at this moment she could feel her pulse quickening as her stomach muscles flexed and her breathing became uneven. Pushing an unsuspecting Janet suddenly - so suddenly that Janet almost went flying - she quickly led the way to the nearest wall, leaning forward and grabbing Janet's head in her hands before placing her lips against Janet's eagerly. Janet responded immediately, her fingers raked through Rachel's hair as she thrust her tongue deep into Rachel's mouth. Their lips molded against each other's and soon enough their breaths were just light, sharp gasps, the sounds drowned out by the fierce wind.

Finally Janet pulled away, looking around the deserted road as she did so, smiling like a Cheshire cat as she looked back at Rachel. "Home. Now." her voice was rough with need as she once again yanked on Rachel's hand and they both picked up the speed as they continued on their way home.

Less than ten minutes later, the flat front door burst open quickly, followed immediately by Rachel and Janet. Before the door even closed, Rachel turned around to face Janet, their breathing shallow even before they started as she took a step forward, closing the space between them and Janet automatically leant against the door, closing it with her back until she was stationary. Rachel took one long appraising look at the beautiful woman in front of her before taking the final small step necessary to ensure her body was flush against Janet's. She snaked her hand up until it reached the blonde hair, tugging on it slightly to tilt Janet's face and lowered her lips until they were passionately pressed against the lips she so desperately seeked. Janet emitted a little moan of desire as she felt her legs becoming weak, her own hands busy as one was wrapped around Rachel's head to pull her in as tight as she could and the other was resting lightly on her hip, teasingly moving up and down in a rhythmic fashion causing Rachel to shudder.

Rachel wrenched her head away, her breathing hard as she stared wildly at Janet. "I need you," she gasped. "Now." Without waiting, she tugged on Janet's hand and led her to the bedroom, more than determined to make up for lost time.

* * *

The room was shrouded in complete silence as Rachel lay in Janet's arms, both of them trying to regain regular breathing and calm their still shaking bodies. Janet gently stroked Rachel's sweaty hair away from her face where it now was firmly stuck through perspiration as Rachel stayed quiet, perfectly content in her lover's arms.

"You okay, love?" Janet asked softly, her mind still quite positively blown; she would never _ever _get over just how amazing sex was with Rachel. How she'd lived without it all her life, and what's more had been _satisfied_ to go without it, before meeting this woman really was beyond her.

"Yes. I'm perfect. Thanks to _you_" Rachel grinned, scooting up even closer to Janet, her eyes closed in restfulness. She felt so peaceful, so sated, so happy.. how amazing that things could change so much in the space of 24 hours.

"Well, what can I say?" Janet teased, lightly. "If you've got it.. you've pretty much just gotta flaunt it!" She laughed quietly, pulling Rachel in closer to her. "I'm sorry, you know. For everything. I was just scared, but I'm not scared anymore."

"It's okay, Jan." Rachel breathed reassuringly, gently stroking Janet's arm as she spoke. "I'm not scared either."

They lapsed into more silence then as the sun slowly disappeared until it was almost out of sight, both lost in their own thoughts, both smiling inwardly at the prospect of their shared future.

"I love you." Rachel whispered, leaning up to place a tender kiss on Janet's shoulder.

"I love you, too." Janet replied, sincerity ringing through every word before settling back into the bed and resting her cheek on Rachel's head, refusing to worry about what future challenges they could face.


	12. Chapter 12

**I know I am **_**completely**_** crap at updating this, so.. I am sorry about that. I'm not very well at the moment, so my writing has been more sporadic, but I really am appreciative to anyone who has continued to stick with this story, I promise to update sooner next time if wanted! This chapter is one of the weaker ones, I'm afraid, but please try and bear with me and I'll make it up to you! Thanks again, and as always, please review.. I'll be more than happy to accept all criticism that will be rightly thrown my way with this offering! ;) xx**

* * *

Chapter 12:

"Can't we just go back home?" Rachel asked hopefully, the dread in her voice causing Janet to take a hand off of the wheel and rest it reassuringly on the brunette's knee.

"And what would you do if we _did_ go back home?"

"Well.." despite it all, she couldn't help a seductive grin cross her face as she raised an eyebrow.

"Rachel!" Janet spluttered, gripping the steering wheel harder as she let out a weak laugh and her stomach gave a powerful lurch. "Okay, I'll rephrase. If we went back home now, are you telling me that you wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying?" She waited for a response but was only met with silence. Glancing to her left she saw the stubborn, slightly adolescent, pout on her partner's face and had to bite back a grin. "Well? Are you?!"

"Not the point," Rachel muttered, sinking back into her seat as she felt Janet give her knee a squeeze.

"Yes it is, Rach, come on," the blonde coaxed. "Besides, you can't stay away from work forever."

"Can if I want to."

"Bloody hell, if I thought you were a moody cow before, I take it all back!" Janet teased lightly.

"Blame the baby. And while you're at it, blame the baby for making me throw up three times already today. I can not fucking _believe _that something so small can do all this stuff to me." She looked out of the window, watching the familiar scenery rush by as she took a small sip of fortifying water. "I really don't want to do this."

"Well, you're going to have to! You need to take it easy, you know that."

"Fine, fine," Rachel held a hand up in mock surrender, "You win. But the condition is that you have to buy a takeaway tonight. Fair?"

"Very," Janet grinned wryly, pulling into the car park and shutting off the engine. "Rachel," she began, waiting for the brunette to face her, "You're going to be fine. I promise." She kept eye contact for a long minute before forcing herself to look away; no matter how much she wanted to kiss away Rach's fears, she couldn't, not when any passer-by could catch a glimpse. Settling on sliding her hand into the other woman's, she held it tightly before letting go and climbing out of the car.

* * *

"Come in," Gill's commanding voice rang through the closed door and Rachel felt the pit of her stomach drop, though she wasn't sure if that was fear in regards to what she was about to face or just yet more bloody morning sickness. Opening the door slowly, she popped her head around.

"Have you got a minute, ma'am?"

"Make it quick."

Rachel fully entered the room and sat down in the chair opposite her boss. Her mouth suddenly felt dry and she wished yet again that she had the same sort of relaxed friendship with Gill that Janet had. Late last night, still shrouded in the ecstatic haze of the baby scan and her and Janet reuniting, she had just been drifting into sleep when a thought came to her which caused her to cry out, inadvertently scaring the shit out of Janet. Reality had begun making itself known around the periphery of her current bliss and she found herself embroiled in a state of pure panic as she considered work. Although the doctor had made it very clear that this pregnancy was progressing brilliantly and that it was extremely unlikely that it would follow the path her past pregnancy had taken, she couldn't help but be caught in a vice-like grip of fear that history would repeat itself. And even though she'd been assured that the miscarriage had been due to an unavoidable freak-accident abnormality, truth was Rachel still held herself accountable in a lot of ways. Including how she had continued to push herself at work. She wasn't prepared to risk _anything_ this time around and so had decided, with Janet's sleepy but loving support, to inform Gill about the baby although they had agreed not to tell her about their relationship yet – one bit of big news was enough for one day, thank you very much. And so here she was, not daring to look at Gill's face, instead focussing on her hands that were twisting and fidgeting in her lap.

"Believe it or not, Rachel," Gill stated impatiently, "I've got a Syndicate to run. So, as much as I really do enjoy the times you come in and sit in my office looking very much like you would rather be dying a painful death than sitting here, I'm going to have to rush you."

"Sorry," Rachel mumbled, wondering if there would ever be a time that her superior's bluntness would not fail to both surprise her and make her immediately revert to a sulky teenager, "There's something I need to tell you."

"If you've fucked up again," the older woman warned, "you're on your own. There is only so many times I can lay my neck on the line to cover up for your stupid mistakes."

"No.. no, it's nothing like that."

Gill leaned back in her chair, a speculative look on her face. Rachel didn't look like she usually did when she owned up to any wrong-doings, she mused as she subconsciously fiddled with her glasses, in fact, she just looked plain nervous. And maybe a tiny bit green. "Oh fucking hell," Gill blurted suddenly causing Rachel to finally raise her head, "You haven't got a bug have you? How many times do I have to tell people; if you're ill, stay the fuck away!"

"I haven't got a bug."

"Well, I'm telling you now, you look like shit." She retorted firmly, her usual briskness melting slightly as concern started to edge its way into her mind-set. "Rachel," her tone softened as she looked at the younger woman, "What is it? I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong."

At this sudden unexpected display of warmth that was so rarely given from her boss, Rachel felt tears welling up as she furiously tried to blink them away, embarrassment causing her to blush. She'd never been much of a crier – unless alcohol was involved, at any rate – but that was yet another thing that had changed. She found herself almost constantly close to tears lately, something that she felt rather uncomfortable about. "Shit!" she muttered quietly, half as an apology to Gill and half in sheer frustration with herself for apparently being some kind of emotional fucking wreck. Without a word, but with dread now flowing through her veins, Gill slid the box of tissues across the table before leaning back again and waiting as patiently as she knew how. It wasn't an easy task. She was the first to admit that patience wasn't one of her virtues. "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," the DCI said gently, her frown deepening as she saw Rachel start to cry in earnest. "Is it.. is this to do with your appointment at the gyna-"

"No!" Rachel shook her head violently, wondering if she'd ever live that non-existent appointment down. "No, nothing like that. I'm.. er, I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant?!" Gill's voice rose an octave and she watched Rachel give a small nod. "Sean?"

"Yeah."

"Are you happy?"

"Yeah."

"You don't look it."

"No, I am." Rachel looked back up and met Gill's gaze. "I'm just.. worried."

"Because of last time?" the DCI asked kindly, her heart rather abruptly going out to the woman sat opposite her as she remembered the miscarriage.

"Yeah."

"Have you been for a scan?" She saw Rachel nod. "And it was okay?"

"Perfect. They, um, the doctor said that there was nothing to indicate that this pregnancy would go wrong, but.."

"But it doesn't stop you feeling absolutely bloody petrified."

"Pretty much. And my hormones are having some sort of fucking wild party and making me even more moody and panicky and.. ugh.." she trailed off, glancing around the room suddenly feeling awkward.

"More moody? Christ. Didn't know that was possible. I'll have to send out a warning memo," Gill joked, feeling relieved when she noticed a brief smile touch Rachel's lips. "Okay," she continued more seriously, "So, obviously you're going to be on light duties from here on in. I know you _hate _desk work, but I won't risk your health and, let me tell you something, if you think you can go around lifting heavy things and running around trying to be fucking Superman, you've got another thing coming."

Rachel sat in silence, once again in awe and more than a tiny bit unnerved – as she always was when this side of Gill made an appearance – at the almost maternal way her boss was talking to her. She couldn't help a twang of guilt pass through her as she remembered how many times she bitched about the woman who, when it came down to the gritty stuff, went above and beyond her role in every way she could. "Thanks," she said in a small voice, feeling stupid now for how nervous she had been about telling Gill. The woman might be blunt, rude, insensitive even at times, but she wasn't bloody heartless.

"When are you due?"

"Middle of January, that's what it's looking like at the moment, anyway."

"How is Sean feeling?"

Rachel looked down, her body stiffening at the very prospect of telling him. Sean. Everything just felt so fucking complicated at the moment that it was overwhelming and, when she thought of everything she had to do, Rachel floundered helplessly. She was in no doubt whatsoever that if she didn't have Janet she would not be able to cope with all the changes her life was currently going through. "He's fine," she muttered, realizing that everyone in the office still thought that she was with him. It would have opened more than one can of worms if she told Gill that the father of her unborn child hadn't even been told yet, though her stomach twisted uneasily at the lies she was beginning to tell.

* * *

Janet left it for two minutes and then followed Rachel to the toilets, finding the brunette leaning over the sink when she walked in. "Well," she started conversationally, very obviously dragging her gaze over the woman before her, "You don't _look_ dead, so I'm guessing I can call armed response and tell them they can stand down."

"Ha ha," Rachel stuck her tongue out, unable to fathom how the mere present of the blonde woman caused her mood to increase tenfold, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips as she turned around slowly.

"Honestly, love," Janet sounded more earnest now as she crossed the small area until she was stood mere inches in front of the tall brunette, "Are you okay? Did it go alright?" She couldn't stop a hand from reaching out and gently pushing away the hair that was falling around Rachel's face, her palm lingering against the flushed cheek as Rachel leaned into her touch.

"More than fine. She was.." she searched for the right word, "… _nice_. It scares me when she does that."

Janet laughed, her thumb skimming in soothing circles over Rachel's soft skin. "I told you, didn't I? Please, for the love of God, tell me that you will finally let go of this whole 'Gill hates me' crusade now?!"

"Hey, just because she's your best bloody friend and even if you burned down the fucking building she would _still_ be like 'Oh well, we all make mistakes'.. you don't see the way she is with me!" Rachel retorted, beginning to laugh herself as she heard how petulant she sounded. "Okay, okay. I'll try. But no promises, alright?!"

"I know I said that you are _far_ more moody at the minute, but, bloody hell, I don't think I have _ever_ known you to give in and admit defeat twice in a matter of hours. It's not even 11am! Are you feeling alright?"

"Wow, you're killing it with your one liners today, aren't you?!" the brunette replied sarcastically, a small frown flitting across her face as Janet's hand left her cheek. She wasn't left bereft for long, however, as, without warning, Janet took the one step forward needed to close the distance between them and crushed her lips against those they so desperately sought. Sarcasm, anxiety, banter.. they all abruptly vanished, leaving only a low, yearning ache of desire to pass between the two women as their surroundings ceased to exist and Rachel parted her lips, allowing the blonde's tongue to slip inside, a low growl emanating from her as she got her first taste of the brunette's waiting mouth. Rachel, immediately fired up in a way only Janet managed to evoke, brought her hands up to the blonde's face, pulling her as close as was physically possible while her heart leapt and pounded and raced as she felt a familiar hand lightly brush against her breast, her only qualm being the flimsy material that prevented skin on skin contact. She felt herself being pushed backwards and within two steps was pressed against the sink, a position that – at any other time in her life – would be uncomfortable to say the least, but right now, in this moment, with this woman, the woman she had fallen so deeply in love with, it only served to excite her further.

Breathing became more jagged as they got lost in the moment, the fact that anyone could walk in not registering with either of them as hands flew everywhere in an attempt to explore every inch that they could reach. It was only when Janet felt Rachel's fingers fumbling with the buttons on her shirt that she yanked herself away, gripping onto the sink next to the brunette and panting heavily, the risk they'd just taken hitting her full force and leaving her with a mixed sense of disbelief and excitement. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Rachel took several long, deep breaths before splashing her face with cold water and fiddling with her hair.

"Where the fuck did _that_ come from?!" Rachel asked as soon as her breathing was semi under control, eyes wide and lips feeling deliciously bruised.

"Just thought it might be the fastest way to stop your sarcasm," Janet fired back flippantly, only the barely visible lust in her eyes telling the real truth.

"Gonna have to try and be a sarcastic bitch more often then, aren't I?!" Rachel grinned, a glint in her eye as she had to consciously force herself to not listen to every nerve in her body that was begging to feel Janet pressed up against her again. "Okay, we're going to have to go. If we don't.. I can't be held responsible for what I might do."

Janet's laugh contained a trace of the husk that remained in her voice. "It's tempting but you've only just gotten on Gill's good side, I don't think it would be the best idea for her to walk in on us 'committing a lewd act' by shagging on the toilet floor!" She grinned at Rachel's responding chuckle and started to follow her out of the door when she suddenly made a grab for her arm, causing the taller woman to turn around with a questioning expression. "Did it really go okay though? With Gill?"

"Yes," Rachel smiled, touched at the obvious concern in her partner's eyes, "It did. I'm on light duties from now on, which isn't any surprise, and, er, well.. she was just.. yeah, nice. _Really_ nice," she finished, the surprise still evident on her face as she thought about it.

"Good," Janet gave a warm grin before shepherding Rachel out of the door, "But if we skive for much longer, we'll both be facing detention!"

* * *

As predicted, it only took Rachel four hours to become thoroughly fed up with being stuck at her stupid desk, filling out hundreds of stupid reports, being forced to watch everyone else go out and be an _actual _shitting police officer. She could feel her temper rising as Pete walked in to the office bragging about an arrest he'd made on their latest highest priority case. Determinedly keeping her head down, she bit her tongue and glared at her computer screen.

"Anyone for a cuppa?" Lee called, and Rachel nodded her head gratefully.

"You alright, Rach?" Janet asked quietly across the desk, seeing how stressed the woman opposite her was getting and wanting to be able to provide comfort, feeling frustrated at how little she could do.

"Fine," the brunette snapped, immediately raising her eyes to meet the blonde's and mouthing 'Sorry'. She relaxed slightly as she was rewarded with an understanding smile, and gave a grateful grin of her own in return before returning to the work in front of her.

"There you go," Lee placed the mug of tea on Rachel's desk before handing out the rest.

"Cheers, Lee," Rachel replied, exhaling slowly and shaking herself off as she reached into her drawer for her biscuits. Confusion grew as her hand didn't land on them straight away and, completely irrationally she knew, she felt her anger begin to rise as she got on the floor and rooted through the whole thing, slamming it shut when it provided nothing and opening the drawer above it, but no. Nothing. "Kevin?"

"What?"

"Where are my biscuits?"

"What?"

"Don't act stupid. Where are they?"

"Um.." the guilty expression on his face said it all. "I was going to buy you some more.."

"You're a fucking _pig_." She fumed, not able to control the complete overreaction of rage that she was suddenly feeling. "If you want biscuits, buy your fucking own!"

"Alright! Bloody hell, is it your time of month or something?"

Rachel stood up and walked over until she was cowering over Kevin, who was looking decidedly less cocky than he had been just seconds before. "What was that?"

"Nothing.."

"No, Kevin. It isn't my 'time of month'," she spat the words out in contempt, "I'm just sick and fucking _tired_ of apparently being your own personal shitting supermarket."

"You don't go off like this on anyone else!" he muttered sulkily, "Maybe you need a good shag."

"I don't go off on anyone else because I happen to respect everyone else in this office. And maybe _you_ need to grow up because, I guarantee, you will _never_ get laid as long as you continue to be a snivelling knobhead. Maybe you should give up your love of _Lego_ and grow the fuck up!" Rachel's voice rose in volume with every word until she felt a hand on her arm and looked up, coming face to face with Janet.

"Come on, Rach," she tried to placate, "I've got some bourbons. Just tell Kev to fuck off, you know what he's like." Shooting him her most stern look, she led the brunette back to her desk. "You alright?" she whispered as she bent close to talk in her ear.

"Yes. No. Ugh! I'll be fine. Sorry," Rachel looked embarrassed at her outburst, even more so when she suddenly noticed Gill stood in the doorway.

"Hey, Rach, you want a fag?" Pete asked kindly, kindness etched in his face.

Clearly he wasn't to know that this was probably the worst thing that anyone could have offered Rachel at this point, what with her having made the abrupt choice to stop smoking as soon as she'd found out that she was pregnant. She was positive that the cravings were playing their part in her severe mood swings and just held on to the hope that as her body became accustomed to the lack of nicotine, her mood would become more level. "No," she tried to sound normal but even she could notice the sharp edge in her tone, "I don't. Thanks."

"Rachel." Gill called, "Office."

The brunette stood up, her anger having not abated and building herself up for an argument. For once, she didn't give a shit though she couldn't help but notice the worried look that Janet shot her. Stalking into the DCI's office, she flung herself into the seat, an insolent expression on her face. "What?"

"Listen, lady, I want to help you in any way I can, alright? But I will not put up with being spoken to like a piece of shit on the bottom of your shoe, so you better think long and hard about your tone when you speak to me, understood?"

"Sorry.." Rachel sighed, contrition clear in her voice as she stared at her hands. "Just stressed."

"Yeah. I can tell."

"I'm not sorry for having a go at Kevin though; he _is_ a knob."

"You think I'm going to disagree with you?!" Gill asked, an eyebrow arched, "But.. maybe you were a little bit.. over the top." She saw Rachel's head shoot up, a look of outrage on her face, "Rachel, he ate some biscuits. You know that if he needs a talking to, I'm more than happy for it to happen, but if you keep screaming at people over shit that doesn't really matter, you're going to end up with no mates. When are you going to tell them about the pregnancy?"

"Dunno. Not yet."

"I'm assuming you've told Janet seeming as I never see one of you without the bloody other?"

"Er," the brunette's heard almost came to a stop as she fought to hide the panic she suddenly felt, "Ye-yeah. Janet knows. No one else though, I don't want to become the office gossip _just_ yet, thanks."

"Well, think about it. Without knowing that you're pregnant, they're all just going to think you've turned into a complete bitch." Gill forced her voice to become friendlier, "Look, go home, alright? Go home, have a bath, chill out, sort your fucking attitude out. You've got tomorrow off, haven't you?" She waited for her DC to nod, "Good. Come back in on Saturday and we'll sit down and sort out your maternity leave and everything like that, okay?"

"Thank you," Rachel replied tiredly.

"I'm not doing you a favour, I just don't want any of my team to be murdered, that's all. Now go on, go home. Have a talk with Janet later. I dunno. Just do something that will help you relax. Yes?"

"Yes, ma'am," she stood up and headed for the door and was just about to open it when she hesitated and turned back around, "Gill?" she said nervously, watching as her senior looked up expectantly, "Thanks. For today. You've been.. well.. just, thanks. Really."

"No need to thank me. I may push you for results, Rachel, and get on your back and get so frustrated with you it's unreal and honestly sometimes want to just kick the-" she paused, trying to reel herself in from her tangent, aware that Rachel was looking less than impressed at her tirade, "Sorry," she gave a small grin, "No. Listen. You may drive me up the wall, but I care. I do hope you know that, Rachel. Sometimes I lose my temper, but if I didn't give a shit about you, about your potential, I really wouldn't bother."

"Um.. thanks.."

"Now, I'm being serious, piss off and stop fishing for compliments," Gill said firmly, pulling an abrupt end to the niceties as she pulled her glasses back on her nose and looked at her computer. Rachel turned around and left the room, unaware of her boss' hidden smile aimed at her retreating back.

* * *

"Oh god.. oh.. that is _so_ good.." Rachel moaned as Janet continued giving her a foot massage.

"Um.. I can tell. I know I give good massages, but bloody hell, I didn't know they were _that _good!"

"Ohhh…"

"You're disturbing me a bit now, Rach," Janet teased.

"Piss off! Anyway, I've changed my mind, I don't mind being pregnant as long as I get one of these every day."

"And what do I get in return?!"

"You get to benefit from my ridiculously high sex drive, of course," Rachel purred, giving a wink.

"You're a tit, Bailey!"

"You know, I don't think I've ever met anybody who is as complimentary as you are," she grinned sarcastically, "Honestly, warms me to my heart, it does!"

"Shut up and let me give you your massage," Janet rolled her eyes good-naturedly and watched as her partner seemed to visibly sink back into the couch. It had been a nice evening. Janet hadn't got out of work for another three hours after Rachel had left and by the time she'd got back home, the brunette seemed to be in a much better mood, so much so that they'd picked Taisie and Elise up and taken them to a carvery, something that they all enjoyed. And now they were home, just enjoying light conversation and Janet could feel herself filled with a sense of content.

"Ahem," Rachel cleared her throat, eyebrows raised as Janet looked up, "Don't slow down or you'll make baby sad!"

"Oh, sod off! You can't use that on me, it's not fair!" Janet joined in with Rachel's laughter, about to say something else when the landline rang.

"Leave it," Rachel groaned, "Whoever it is can piss off!"

"Well, if it's important, they can get us on our mobiles," Janet agreed, pulling Rachel's other foot towards her. Before she'd even completed the move, the taller woman's mobile started to ring. "Oops. Think I jinxed it!" she grinned as Rachel swore loudly. Removing her hands to allow the other woman to sit up, she watched as Rach picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Rachel answered, having not bothered to look at caller ID. Obviously Janet couldn't hear the other person, so when a look of confusion settled on her partner's face, she sat up a bit straighter. "Um.. okay," she heard Rachel say before continuing with, "What's happened?," the pallor of the taller woman turning to an unhealthy sickly shade. As if in a movie, Janet watched in disbelief as the phone literally fell out of Rachel's hand.

"Rach? Rachel, what is it?" the blonde asked, her voice panicked. There was no reply. "Rachel! What's happened?" When she concluded that she had no hope of getting any sort of explanation from the woman sat beside her, she reached for the dropped phone, putting it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Janet? It's Gill."

"Gill?! What the fuck is going on? What have you said to Rachel?"

"It's Dom," Gill replied, "They've arrested him."


End file.
